Blue Jays fans. What the hell, man. I don’t get you. You make very little sense to me. First of all, your team is in Toronto. And yet you all show up in droves every time this team of yours plays in Seattle. Seattle! Do you know how far it is between Seattle and Toronto?! I do. It’s 2,068 miles, according to the internet. That’s roughly the same distance between Seattle and New Orleans. New Orleans! LOUISIANA!!
Look, I get it. Many of you make the trip south from Vancouver, B.C. to cheer on your favorite team. But shit, Vancouver is no closer to Toronto than Seattle. In fact, it’s farther. As the crow flies, 2,089 miles separate the two cities. Yes, that’s even greater than the distance between Seattle and Toronto. It makes no sense. It’s like if Seattleites became unabashed supporters of the New Orleans Saints, the Pelicans, or…what other teams do they have…the Zephyrs! We would never do that. Because it’s crazy. And not fun crazy, either. Alex Rodriguez crazy.
You Canucks are insane. You never cheered for the Expos like this. Is it because Montreal’s Olympic Stadium resides roughly 200 miles farther east than the SkyDome? Was that 200-mile differential all you needed to determine which of the two teams would become your preferred Canadian baseball franchise? Was geography really that important to you?
I honestly don’t understand. You people drive like drunken geriatrics, park like assholes, love the crap out of our outlet malls, can’t get enough of American name brands, and have an unrequited, damn near inexplicable love affair with a baseball team half a world away. Do you see the people of Toronto rushing to celebrate anything that has to do with Vancouver? No. Do you see the Blue Jays organization going out of its way to celebrate an adoring West Coast fan base? No. So what is it? It’s Kawasaki, isn’t it. Just admit that’s it and all will be forgiven.
Every time you come to Seattle, we cringe. It’s a guarantee of a few extra car accidents and a reminder that “O Canada” will have to be sung before the game can get underway. That blows.
Anyway, I’m not really going anywhere with this. I just wanted to point out that what you’re doing is stupid and you’re no better off to me than Red Sox fans. Yes, Red Sox fans, those bandwagon-riding bags of douche.
Get your own outlet malls, jerks.