Meaningless Nicknames for Every Mariner Player

bubblegumseagerThis past weekend, I went on a road trip to Eastern Washington with my buddy, Matt, and my girlfriend, Andrea. We kept ourselves entertained by assigning non-sensical nicknames to all the current Mariners.

Most of these nicknames are completely ridiculous and have absolutely no significance. If you can find meaning in the aliases, more power to you. But in general, these are simply the products of boredom and dry heat. If any of these nicknames stick, it may signal the downfall of society. God help us all.

Dustin “Potato Chip” Ackley

Jason “Stovetop” Bay

Blake “Windmill” Beavan

Henry “Taco Bell” Blanco

Carter “Catnip” Capps

Endy “Milkshake” Chavez

Danny “Tea Kettle” Farquhar

Nick “Kitty Cat” Franklin

Charlie “Mixed Nuts” Furbush

Franklin “Hopscotch” Gutierrez

Aaron “Goat Cheese” Harang

Felix “Carne Asada” Hernandez

Raul “Inigo Montoya” Ibanez

Hisashi “Swordfish” Iwakuma

Lucas “Lampshade” Luetge

Brandon “Corn Flakes” Maurer

Yoervis “Country Club” Medina

Brad “Tablecloth” Miller

Mike “Sippy Cup” Morse

Jesus “Bad Day” Montero

Kendrys “Oriental Rug” Morales

Hector “Thanks” Noesi

Oliver “Stephen Pryor” Perez

Stephen “Oliver Perez” Pryor

Humberto “Any Given Sunday” Quintero

Erasmo “Condoleezza” Ramirez

Brendan “Tamagotchi” Ryan

Joe “Chicken in a Biscuit” Saunders

Michael “Corn on the Cob” Saunders

Kyle “Bubble Gum” Seager

Justin “Grits” Smoak

Jesus “Wicker Basket” Sucre

Tom “Dustin Diamond” Wilhelmsen

Mike “Frying Pan” Zunino

If you read all that, you deserve a pat on the back. Good job, friend.

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