Life isn’t always fair. Take that photo to the left, for example. That’s a stock image of Kelly Kapowski, the prettiest girl at Bayside High School, as played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen. The picture? It was taken right around the second season of the perpetually iconic Saved By the Bell, when Kelly was a sophomore…and Thiessen, in real life, was 16 years of age. Seriously. Sixteen. Look at that picture. Think about that age. How messed up is that? Like I said, life isn’t always fair.
Much like all you horndogs who now find yourself reluctantly longing for a barely-legal (in this state, at least) Tiffani Amber Thiessen, fairness and life aren’t exactly aligning themselves for your Seattle Seahawks, either.
For starters, Wednesday brought with it a reported $21,000 financial penalty for wide receiver Golden Tate, deliverer of this perfectly legal, fantastically jarring block on Dallas Cowboys’ linebacker Sean Lee:
The only thing Tate should be fined for is supreme awesomeness. Look at Lee’s face in that action shot. Just look at it. He looks like a zombie that just got smoked out by Woody Harrelson in that one flick. No, not White Men Can’t Jump, the other one, the one about zombies. Zombieland, that’s it. Makes sense. How can you fine someone for helping take out a zombie? That’s just not right.
But that’s only one isolated example of what the Seahawks have endured of late.
In spite of their 27-7 blowout over Lee’s Cowboys on Sunday, national commentators have been discrediting the Hawks and their effort. NFL Network analyst Marshall Faulk was quoted as saying that Dallas “played down to the level of the Seahawks.” Which is completely inaccurate. The ‘Boys lost by 20. The level they were playing at was way below whatever level of futility Faulk envisions for Seattle.
And then there’s this article from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s Bob McGinn. Among other subtle jabs at the hometown 11, one quote from a rival scout rises above all else: “I don’t think [the Seahawks] have enough skill in the secondary to compete all night.” This same scout also believes the Packers will win by two touchdowns. I had no idea the fired scout from Moneyball caught on with an NFL team. Good for him.
It’s one thing to flat-out say you don’t like a team; it’s another to fail to do your homework on a ballclub. Anyone who has watched the Seahawks play know they don’t align with either of the aforementioned individuals’ opinions of them. An idiot could research this team on paper and form misguided impressions of the Seahawks’ ability. A much wiser person could pay witness to Seattle’s collective skill in action and see that this club is still in the process of reaching its potential.
Not that this is anything new. The Seahawks have always been looked down upon by anyone who considers themselves an “aficianado” of NFL football. Maybe it’s our relatively distant location on the map, maybe it’s the ex-college coach, perhaps it’s the unheralded budding superstars on the defensive side of the ball, or quite possibly it could be the diminutive rookie quarterback. Or it might be that we’ve never won a championship. But that’s neither here nor there. Those media guys need to stop being jerky jerkfaces. Separate the past from the present, right? Right. And regardless of the reason why they don’t like us, the fact remains that the Seahawks are better than the credit they’re receiving.
Nevertheless, the team must prove it on the field. Winning cures all ills, and amidst an evident parity shift in the league — the NFC keeps getting stronger as the AFC regresses — the time is ripe for the Hawks to seize America’s attention and earn the respect their due.
That quest for justice begins on Monday night, in front of a national television audience, against the media darling Green Bay Packers. Consider it a date with Kelly Kapowski.
Yeah, this just got weird.