Dawg Pack Dirt: UCSB

Dawg Pack Dirt: UC Santa Barbara

Volume 8, Issue 6, December 16, 2011

Special to Seattle Sportsnet

Written by dedicated Dawg Pack members

The game:

-UCSB Gauchos (5-2) @ Washington Huskies (4-4)

-Alaska Airlines Arena at Hec Edmundson Pavilion, Seattle, Wash.

-Friday, December 16, 2011, 7:00 p.m. PST.

The team:

-University of California Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, California.

-Close overtime and double-OT losses to San Diego State and UNLV.

-Head coach Bob Williams tied a school record with 222 wins all-time on Tuesday.

-Senior Orlando Johnson is currently fourth in the nation in scoring (22.1 ppg).

The players:

#0 F (Sr.) Jaimé Serna – Laguna Beach, CA

-The 6’9″ Serna is the one boning this ball on the right:

#1 G (Jr.) Nate Garth – Sacramento, CA

-Nickname is Nate Boogie.

-Likes to cut hair and shop for cars.

-Transferred from New Mexico.

#5 F (So.) Keegan Hornbuckle – Westlake Village, CA

-Transferred from Colorado after the 2009-2010 season.

-Averaged 11.4 minutes per game in his one season at CU.

-Averaging 6.5 minutes per game in his first season at UCSB.

*Editor’s note: That awkward moment when you transfer to a smaller school and get less playing time…

#10 G (So.) Kyle Boswell – Huntington Beach, CA

Here’s a video of Kyle with his friends at Albertson’s.

#11 G (Fr.) T.J. Taylor – Oakland, CA

-A 5’8″ point guard who managed to put up an Aziz line against UNLV earlier this year: 10 points, 5 fouls.

-Has taken 20 three-pointers…and made five. Keep shooting!

#12 G/F (Fr.) Lewis Thomas – Perth, Australia

-Quote from his new girlfriend: ‎”i think the leading cause to threesomes in santa barbara is because walk of shames are much more fun with a friend”

*Editor’s note: Marry her. Get her an English tutor first, then MARRY HER.

#15 C (Fr.) Alan Williams – Phoenix, AZ

-Alan (far left) with his teammates. And yes, even the girls at their own school can’t take them seriously:

-Rocking the sport goggles:

*Editor’s note: Respect for the goggles. Can’t hate on that.

-His girlfriend is Aley Rohde, a 6’5″ freshman center at Arizona.

*Editor’s note: Good breeding stock.

-Alan has a message for his teammates:

#20 F/G (Jr.) Shawn Moore – Chico, CA

-This guy is so unimportant he not only lacks a Facebook and Twitter, but both UCSD and Butte College (his previous school) do not have pictures of him. Supposedly, Moore passed up offers from “smaller schools” to walk-on at UCSD. Does UCSD consider itself a bigger school?

#21 G (Sr.) James Nunnally – Stockton, CA

-He seems a little full of himself:

-“We weren’t holdin’ hands.” Bahaha, yeah…sure:

-No words:

-Birth control tweet:

#24 G (Sr.) Christian Peterson – Carlsbad, CA

-Chris has been known to struggle with his weight.

-Direct from his UCSB bio: “Christian Peterson played in 17 games as a junior…Scored a total of seven points and averaged 0.4 points per game.” Since when is total points used as a season stat?

-He is a member of the UCSB waterski team.

#30 G (So.) Tyler Steinhause – San Diego, CA

-This guy has no bio on the UCSB Basketball website…and he is a sophomore. What does that say about this kid?

-Pictured in the awkward “ball touching” photo with Jaime Serna above.

-He recently posted about a UFO…ask him about that.

-His email address begins with scienceguy1…uhhhh yeah, right.

-Nothing about this looks right:

-Dating Danielle Peterson (Christian’s sister perhaps?).

-He still has an AIM (precious), and his screen name is balla4eva50.

-He’s the pretty princess in this photo:


#32 G (Fr.) John Green – Oakland, CA

-In prep school, he dropped 38 points and had 10 rebounds against a semi-pro team.

-He loves to do impersonations. This we need to see.

#33 G (Sr.) Orlando Johnson – Seaside, CA

-Nation’s fourth-leading scorer (22.1 ppg).

-Goes by “Juice.”

-I don’t think he’s doing it right:

-What is it with these guys and public bathroom usage?

#34 F (Fr.) Prince Arceneux – Los Angeles, CA

-Looks like Prince has been spending too much time in Pullman:

-Twitter: FresshPrince34. Some free samples:

-This is his go-to face. His profile has about a thousand of these:

*Editor’s note: He kinda looks like a short-bus Chris Polk.

#35 F (Fr.) Taran Brown – Gillette, WY

-Yeah…he’s a thinker:

-He hangs out with Cougars. ‘Nuff said:

-He appears to be redshirting this season.

#55 C (Sr.) Greg Somogyi – Budapest, Hungary

-I mean the logical thing to do is ask him how tall he is…

-Not sure if he knows this or not, but there is a featured gallery of him on Big Don’s Boys (safe for work). What is Big Don’s, you might ask? Let’s let Big Don tell you himself:

BigDonsBoys.com: This site is the web’s best repository of the biggest tall men! After all, I’m 6’2″ and so only 6’3″ or above is tall to me. You’ll find shirtless college jocks, frat boys, skinny and lanky guys, NBA basketball players, NFL football stars, college football players, NCAA college basketball players, soccer jocks, track and field and water polo athletes, shirtless swimmers, baseball players, the tallest historic giants, pro wrestlers, college wrestlers, strongmen, powerlifters, soldiers, policemen, shirtless bodybuilder supermen, tall men looming in doorways, aspiring male models, giant boys and boyish giants. Head shots, shirtless shots, fashion photos, action shots, and lots of Webshots style party photos. Plus there are occasional glimpses of all the big men’s girlfriends, coeds, wives and female bar acquaintances in their orbit. They are always dating A-list looking gals as nobody gets the girls like tall men. At this point, if a tall guy goes to a frat party attended by somebody on webshots I will eventually find out about it.

-Moral of the story: BIG DON WILL FIND YOU!!!

-…and yes, Big Don is a 40-year-old gay man.

*Editor’s note: I don’t want to know how the Dawg Pack found this stuff, but that is some diligent, diligent reporting. Impressive.

-Sport goggles are a fashion item with this team:

-Bet Big Don was in heaven with this pic. But the guy in front doesn’t look that tall…hmm…

#Numberless G (Fr.) Duke Da Re – Clayton, CA

-He is numberless…

-His name is Duke…

-Went to the infamous De La Salle High School, an all-boys Roman Catholic private school and nationally-renowned football powerhouse.

*Editor’s note: …that once had its national win-streak record broken by Bellevue High.

-Has brothers named Dex and Dane.

-His Dad looks like Bruce Willis:

*Editor’s note: His dad also looks like the type of guy who would name his kids Duke, Dex, and Dane.

-Insert T-Ross:

-Slim pickings for prom dates at an all-boys high school:

And on one final note…

-This is a weird trend at their school:

8 thoughts on “Dawg Pack Dirt: UCSB”

  1. I wasn’t the one that found the Big men website, just for what it’s worth.

    And I swear the cheerleader on the right looks like a tranny.

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