The Coalition to Send Erin Hawksworth to the Alamo Bowl

Oh, hey, look at this. An anonymous sports fan emailed the good people over at Q13 Fox with a request to send our favorite sportscaster to the Alamo Bowl. No, not Carlos del Valle, Rod Simons, or Gaard Swanson — See what I did right there? Went retro on you — but Erin Hawksworth, who is clearly better looking than all three of those other guys (sorry Carlos, Rod, and Gaard).

The anonymous email happened to fall into my lap and I’ve taken the liberty of reprinting it for all of you to see. Because as a Husky fan myself, I wholeheartedly support the “Send Erin to the Alamo Bowl” movement. For obvious reasons.

Again, we have no idea who wrote this. It’s blatantly anonymous.

Hi there,

As a concerned Husky Football fan, I’m writing to convince you to send Erin Hawksworth to the Alamo Bowl. You’re probably asking yourself why, in these tough economic times, you should consider sending Erin to the Alamo Bowl at all. That’s a fantastic question which I plan to answer. You’re probably also asking yourself why you shouldn’t send Aaron Levine. Also a great question which I will address. Without consuming too much of your time, let’s discuss the importance of this decision.

First of all, everyone knows that Q13 provides Seattle’s most comprehensive sports coverage. That’s a given. And if you pave the way for sports news in this town, it only makes sense to have a representative of your team present at the Alamo Bowl. The Alamo Bowl is arguably one of the most marquee sporting events that fans in this city will get to enjoy in 2011. Coverage is key.

I know for a fact that KIRO is sending Chris Francis to San Antonio for the game. Chris Effing Francis. Nobody even knows who that guy is. And I’ve heard semi-substantiated rumors that he’s a total douchebag. No Husky fan wants to talk to a douchebag. He’ll score about as many fan interviews as Paul Wulff scored victories. Good luck with that, Francis.

I assume KING is sending the likes of Chris Egan down to the game. For an older fellow, Egan can hang. I like Egan. But unless he’s broadcasting from Bonney Lake High School surrounded by at least 50 cheerleaders, he’s completely useless.

I don’t know who KOMO’s sending, but does it really matter? KOMO is like the Kansas City Royals of Seattle media. You watch them for five minutes and you’re like, “Oh, shit, I didn’t know that guy was there. I thought he was dead.” That’s KOMO for you. Ever since Eric’s Little Heroes moved to the news desk they’ve been in complete disarray. Like watching a team of eight-year-olds play Boys & Girls Club basketball. Which is ironic, because that’s what they cover most nights anyway.

So think about it. If you send Erin, holy crap, you’ll have the upper hand amongst all the other TV news stations. Everyone will want to talk to her, rather than the d-bag (Francis), Egan, or whatever intern KOMO provides.

Now let’s discuss cost efficiency, because as we’ve already alluded to, these are tough economic times. You need to save money, and I don’t blame you. Erin can get free drinks at any bar, which Levine cannot. That’s one. Two, if you need to save money on hotel costs, I’m your guy. I don’t have any discounts or hookups, but I do have a room at the Crowne Plaza Riverwalk; Erin is more than welcome to crash. Camera guy is on his own, however. Sorry. Limited space. Three, flights aren’t that expensive. Four, food is cheaper in San Antonio. Five, you can market this, pull ratings, get additional exposure, and in the long run make money off this one endeavor alone. Boom. Cost efficiency.

So there you have it. Sound reasoning. You really can’t go wrong in making this decision. I hope I’ve helped convince you that this is the right move, and I encourage you to contact me with any additional questions you may have.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

An Anonymous Sports Fan

3 thoughts on “The Coalition to Send Erin Hawksworth to the Alamo Bowl”

  1. I wanted to read the letter, I really did, but I couldn’t stop looking at the picture. Less visual stimulation will make your message get out better. That’s why all those protesters are so dirty and ugly; it’s strictly tactical.

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