Occupy Seattle, You Are…NOT THE FATHER!

It started out as a political movement, but has since morphed into the gigantic pain in everyone’s ass. Occupy Seattle was all fun and games when it had a purpose, a message, some direction, and didn’t f**k with our everyday lives. Since then, shit’s hit the fan and most of us are pissed.

This has been building for some time, of course. With each passing day, Occupy Seattle protestors continue to camp out in the midst of our fair city, turning the once-represented ninety-nine-percent into the completely-disenchanted ninety-nine-percent. We used to side with these people. But then they started messing with our travel commutes, blocking our streets, and just generally causing trouble. How trouble-making solves the problems we face on Wall Street is beyond me. All I know is a) it’s annoying, b) even my most liberal acquaintances are upset, and c) no rational person supports the spectacle of the movement any longer.

You may find yourself wondering what this has to do with sports. Well, it’s simple really. If you’d like to get to a sporting event in this town, chances are you’ll have to cross paths with the Occupy protestors. Which is a lot like answering three questions from the troll at the proverbial bridge. You can’t just pass, bear in mind. You have to endure their crap before you can peaceably move along.

For instance, if you were trying to get to the Seahawks game on Monday night, your commute was likely impacted by a bunch of unshowered, tent-dwelling malcontents. It doesn’t really matter what side of the fence you live on with regard to the political landscape. If your commute is trashed and you can’t easily get to a venue to watch your favorite team, you’re going to be angry. You and me, we’re part of the one-hundred-percent. The one-hundred-percent of sports fans who want to do to the Occupy Seattle movement what Marshawn Lynch typically does to would-be tacklers. And when it’s all said and done, we’ll dive backwards into the end zone holding our junk like pimps.

Here’s the thing. The Occupy Seattleites are convinced that the only way they can spread their gospel and make a difference is by f**king shit up. There. It’s been said. And it’s true. You know it, I know it, we all know it. If they don’t f**k shit up, their message won’t be received, or something like that.

These people are not sound human beings. They’ve been oppressed for years. From the moment they reached elementary school and didn’t get picked for a team because they played kickball like retarded chickens with their heads cut off, to later in life when they failed to land jobs because their social ineptitude kept them from getting along with anyone and everyone they could have possibly worked with. The world is against them. It has nothing to do with economics, politics, or social welfare. These people are just stupid. So stupid, in fact, that they deserve their own episode of Maury. Send them to boot camp for a bit, let them know whether or not they’re the father, then bring them to tears in front of a live studio audience. It’s the American way.

Fact is, one can make a difference and spread a message without ever f**king shit up. I know because I do it every day. And that’s not to toot my own horn. It’s to provide some effing perspective. I write shit down. And in writing shit down, I can make a difference without ever leaving my couch or murdering one’s well-being. (That’s not to say I don’t leave the couch. Don’t get the wrong impression. As it is, I’m writing this from a desk with an ergonomic chair. It makes my back feel nice and keeps my posture intact.)

Anyone can do the exact same thing I’m doing. It’s not something special. If you have the means to communicate, the willingness to achieve a solution, and a receptive audience, you can do anything. So no matter how politically-infused you may be, don’t tell me these people are doing something great, because they’re not. They’re acting as obstacles, ruining our livelihoods, and impacting our society in a negative way. There’s nothing great about that.

Occupy Seattle, you need to shut it down. Not because I told you so. My personal opinion is irrelevant. You need to shut it down for three reasons. One, because you’re hurting our city, which we all love. Two, because you’re exhibiting horrible hygienic behavior, and that’s not safe. And three (and this is the big one), because you’re misrepresenting the group you claim to be advocating on behalf of. Many people may, in fact, agree with your original mission statement. But even they’ve become less than enamored with your presence. You’re like the third installment of any comedy movie trilogy. It was fun the first two times around, but now the jokes are stale, the plot has thinned, and it’s clear you’re just desperate for attention at this point.

Go home. Take a shower, then a bath, then another shower, then maybe another bath. Do some laundry. Sleep in a bed. If you still feel compelled to pass along your message, write it down and share it with the world. If it’s valid and well thought-out, people will read it and respond accordingly. But don’t mess with our commutes, our sports, our beautiful town, or our happiness. You can do great things without being dickheads. Thank you.

25 thoughts on “Occupy Seattle, You Are…NOT THE FATHER!”

  1. Not sure if this piece speaks for as many people as it thinks. Seems sorta juvenile/bullyish to me. Loved the piece on BRoy the other day tho.

  2. Clearly I wasn’t going for juvenile with a moving GIF of a dancing non-father and a reference to “Maury” or anything. And as for bullyish, eh, they bully us, too.

    I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and thank you for the kind words about the Brandon Roy article.

  3. I wish they’d occupy a broom. Or a jail cell. Or just about anything other than what they do “occupy”. Morons.

  4. This article was brilliant! Those people are idiots. The Occupy Seattle movement has regressed to Tent City with a sense of entitlement, which we all know most of those people have not earned. I worked a 14 hour day a few weeks ago and had to wait an hour in downtown traffic because they f**ked up my commute with some futile protest.

    As I mentally prepared to fight the traffic they were going to create on the way to the game tonight, I was thinking about how awesome it would be to put a snow plow on the front of my Jeep and help clear those fools out of everybody’s way. They were throwing flares, bags of bricks, rebar, and various other dangerous objects at our cops tonight during their “protest”. What a joke.

  5. Great article, well said! All you excessive ‘occupy’ freaks out there need to move on to something else that’s actually productive. All you do now is piss people off, and cast an ugly light on your “cause”. Curious how many of these people just jump at an opportunity to demonstrate, whatever it may be that they demonstrate, as opposed to having an actual intelligent, even-keeled response to something that can actually lead to change.

  6. Anonymous :
    Not sure if this piece speaks for as many people as it thinks. Seems sorta juvenile/bullyish to me. Loved the piece on BRoy the other day tho.

    I concur. This writer comes off as about as whiny as the protesters

  7. Thank you Alex. Could not have said it any better. Now if we can just get the Seattle Police to come up with a sensible strategy for moving traffic around after Seahawks games so it doesn’t take an hour to get to the freeway, then we’ll have something.

  8. If you knew the history of your city, and the history of occupying in the nations history, maybe if you read a book you would knowe what is going on. Using Fox just shows how tone deaf you really are

  9. Since I can’t quote the multiple idiots who take themselves to seriously, I will just say preach on brother Alex, well said!

  10. You nailed the third point of why the “protesters” need to leave.

    “And three (and this is the big one), because you’re misrepresenting the group you claim to be advocating on behalf of. ”

    My recent example, OWS wants to shut down West Coast Ports. Ports that bring food and goods back and forth to millions of Americans and other world individuals. Ports that are the foundation for international trade. If you want to change something, go protest at the White House or the State Capital. CORRUPTION is the biggest problem facing all of us in respect to politics and the economy. Faux ideas about socialism/communism are spreading like wild fire among these groups. This happens every couple of years. WTO 99 riots, anyone?

    Thank you for letting your voice speak for the 99% of us who work hard to put food and clothes on our families backs, Alex.

    But most important, thank you for giving people an idea of how they can actually try to change things in their lives. I guess what OWS mis-read is exactly as you stated below – they don’t know who their target audience is.

    “Anyone can do the exact same thing I’m doing. It’s not something special. If you have the means to communicate, the willingness to achieve a solution, and a receptive audience, you can do anything.”

  11. Zelda :
    If you knew the history of your city, and the history of occupying in the nations history, maybe if you read a book you would knowe what is going on. Using Fox just shows how tone deaf you really are

    Are you unemployed because you didn’t use spell check on your resume?

  12. Great read, thank you, you had me rolling! And you are so right, you do do something that can make a difference. So can you check out Spread the Word to End the Word? Just a thought from a reader who loved your article but was stung by a certain part.

  13. This entire rant is real privileged laden. Definitely not speaking for this 99%er. Not saying I agree with all the decisions the Occupy Seattle movement has made, and the hygiene factor that you claim is a small minority (to your defense, the aroma can be strong). I challenge you to engage with folks apart of this port shutdown rather than let the media tell you what to think about them.

  14. Anonymous :
    This entire rant is real privileged laden. Definitely not speaking for this 99%er. Not saying I agree with all the decisions the Occupy Seattle movement has made, and the hygiene factor that you claim is a small minority (to your defense, the aroma can be strong). I challenge you to engage with folks apart of this port shutdown rather than let the media tell you what to think about them.

    I will start by saying I’ve never been to an occupy rally but I would like to play devils advocate in this situation. Please keep in mind that this is not my view, just another view of food for thought.

    The occupy movement has transformed from it’s original intent, but I challenge you to stop for a moment and ask yourself why this has happened. From day one, the corruption in this country has pushed the police forces to interrupt what were peaceful protests. A large portion of this movement is comprised of college educated people who are unable to find jobs. Corporations are sitting on $3.6 Trillion in cash, and estimations show that if they were to loosen their grip on approximately 33% of said cash, unemployment would drop from 9% down to 5%. These same companies are still paying their executives obnoxious salaries that are not proportional to the real world while creating less than 100k jobs per month with 16 million unemployed. This is why these people began this movement.

    No one in the mass population of this country is educated enough to understand complex economics and what is really going on at the top level between corporations and government, which is hurting all of us.

    What began as a mission to spread that word has been transformed due to the news media altering the public opinion of this opinion as a whole, causing their frustration. This is what has caused the movement to transform to a level of desperation driving them to rationalize dramatic actions which are now “interrupting your life.”

  15. RX :

    The occupy movement has transformed from it’s original intent, but I challenge you to stop for a moment and ask yourself why this has happened. From day one, the corruption in this country has pushed the police forces to interrupt what were peaceful protests. A large portion of this movement is comprised of college educated people who are unable to find jobs. Corporations are sitting on $3.6 Trillion in cash, and estimations show that if they were to loosen their grip on approximately 33% of said cash, unemployment would drop from 9% down to 5%. These same companies are still paying their executives obnoxious salaries that are not proportional to the real world while creating less than 100k jobs per month with 16 million unemployed. This is why these people began this movement.

    No one in the mass population of this country is educated enough to understand complex economics and what is really going on at the top level between corporations and government, which is hurting all of us.

    This, I agree with. That could not be better said. However, I don’t feel that there’s any level of economic/political frustration that should lead to public displays of violence or destruction of a city. This kind of behavior is inexcusable.

    At the end of the day, it’s very simple: Treat people right and they’ll treat you right in return. Going around the city treating everybody and everything like shit because you feel like life isn’t fair won’t solve any problems. I’d argue that it will only create MORE problems. And it certainly doesn’t affect the Wall Street bigwigs in the same way it affects the average citizen (i.e. the 99-percent). If you want to make a difference, focus your efforts towards your intended audience and don’t just take out your anger on the entire world. That’s foolish and misguided.

    They have the potential to do great things and they’re fucking it up.

  16. Honestly … I’m not really into sports. But your article was passed over to me from my wife who got it from a friend and I loved your article. I too was stuck in traffic as the game was about to get going only to find myself harassed by people who were selfish, smelly, arrogant, and believed that everyone owed them something that they never really had worked for. It was obvious the individuals that I encountered were street people that now had something to get excited about. It reminded me of the teenagers that would start the fires in Chicago after a Bulls win … only because they could now get away with it and it was about time they got a chance to destroy something.

    The only thing that I would have to disagree with is … they aren’t the 99%. Everyone else working and going home and trying to take care of the their family and show a little bit of patience for the guy who “accidentally” just cut them off on the highway … they are the 99%. Those protesting are the 1% of street flotsam that exists on the edge of humanity arguing with themselves under their breaths. They neither contribute or build into society… they are the users of our neighborhoods that urinate in the alleyways and expect (demand?) a handout from the mothers trying to take their kids to school. They are the dredge … and they are not there for a purpose except to take and abuse. There really was never a purpose … which is why whenever they were asked what they were protesting over, they could never put a constructive sentence together. The best the manage after a minute of blathering was … I want it so I should get.

  17. If you really want to stick it to the 1% go Occupy The LearJet company! Take down the rich’s airplanes!

    But for those who get all pissy about THESeattlesportsnet.com, just remember, he is the average joe and if he has this opinion of the Occupy movements, a lot of people do.

    You guys had a chance to build a beautiful movement, something that could rival the tea party, but you blew it. And this is coming from an effing socialist (me), thats as liberal as one can be!

  18. Biggest Problem with Occupy movement = FULL OF BUMS!!!!! how’d the bums take over down there??? my wife walked through the center about a wek ago, and it was like… dude wtf are all these bums doing ??

    You guys let the bums get in yo shit…. and now they

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