The gang member to the right is my friend Norris. He’s not actually a gang member. But he can jump high. He’s also pretty good at basketball. But mostly, he can jump high. So high, in fact, that our country has tabbed him to jump for America. (Cue Van Halen. Or Kris Kross.)
Yes, that’s right, Norris will be jumping at the 2012 Olympic Games in London, England and he needs your help in getting there. Things you should know about Norris: he’s a University of Washington alum, an 11-time All-American, a Seattle native, and can almost guard me on the court. At least three of those things are true.
If you want to help get Norris to London, you can start by attending his celebrity date auction at Citrus Restaurant and Lounge (shout out to my hoop teammate and Citrus owner, Danny Yarbrough…he goes hard to the rack) in Seattle’s South Lake Union neighborhood on the evening of Wednesday, October 26th. Win a date with the likes of Isaiah Thomas, Spencer Hawes, Jon Brockman, members of the Lingerie Football League’s Seattle Mist, and even Tad Hamilton. Yes, THE Tad Hamilton*. Proceeds go to benefit the Dawgs for America Fund (aka, the Get Norris to London While Simultaneously Supporting Your School and Your Country Fund).
Furthermore, if you’d like to help out but can’t attend Wednesday night’s event, you can still contribute by going here and making an online donation.
If you’re still not totally sold on the talents of Norris Frederick (or Nor-Fred, as no one but me at this very moment calls him), please click here to watch the one and only episode of Seattle Sportsnet TV, starring Norris Frederick, with acting by Norris Frederick, in a Norris Frederick/Alex Akita/Matt Holt video production. Guest starring Ginger Kid. Featuring music by Billy Ocean, Fort Minor, Eminem, Berlin, John Tesh, and many more! It’s as ridiculous as you might imagine.
And for those of you who stuck around to read this whole thing, here are the videos to go along with the Van Halen and Kris Kross references I made. You’re welcome.
*Note: Tad Hamilton will not actually be appearing at the Norris Frederick Celebrity Auction. Tad Hamilton is a fictional character from a movie. I just wanted to make the reference so a girl might read this and be like, “Oh my gosh! He relates to me!” I do. Sup.