Mariners Deal Fister, Land Furbush

I don’t really have much to say. I just wanted to make sure I got to use “Fister” and “Furbush” in a headline once in my life.

I’ll be honest. I’m sad to see the Doug Fister era end. Doug, we hardly knew ye. I made the photo you see to your left a little over a year ago. Barely got to use it. Never got around to t-shirts or anything. Now it’s Detroit’s to have fun with.

So much for my Double Fister Night at Safeco Field. Mariners never could find a way to make that one happen. Two-for-one beers would have been great.

I saw two girls at the Mariners game last night, in fact, each wearing Fister jerseys. I can only imagine how they feel right now. Probably in quite a bit of pain.

The M’s dealt David Pauley in the deal, as well, but who really cares. David Pauley’s name isn’t Doug Fister.

And as for what we’re getting in return, the trade centers around a 25-year-old left-handed pitcher by the name of Charlie Furbush. I feel like he capably replaces Fister for Best Name On The Team. We can certainly promote around him. Maybe not two-for-one beers, but perhaps a Ladies’ Spa Night or something of the sort.

In addition, the M’s reportedly land 26-year-old outfielder Casper Wells (he’s okay) and 20-year-old third base prospect Francisco Martinez, who’s currently batting .282 in Double-A. It’s believed that the Mariners will also receive a fourth player in the swap, with Duane Below’s name being tossed around. Below is a 25-year-old left-handed starting pitcher who has seen time at the big league level this year.

Well. So it is. Doug, I heard that you were an absolutely horrible interviewee and had the personality of cardboard with the media. But that’s okay. Because your name more than made up for it. You weren’t that bad throwing the baseball, either. You will be missed.

Detroit, enjoy my picture. Enjoy Double Fister Night. Enjoy getting Fisted.

5 thoughts on “Mariners Deal Fister, Land Furbush”

  1. I am thoroughly devastated and have been in mourning since I heard the news. I love Ackley, I love Smoak, but… Fister, that is my guy.

  2. Fister was a serviceable 4th or 5th starter. But he suffered something far worse than his last name, or better, excuse me. The team refused to score for him. In fact, he suffered the worst run-support of anyone in MLB.

  3. Now, I’m not saying he deserved it, but maybe he deserved it. Maybe he drove his teammates crazy. I don’t know. But he did impress me adoorknob. Watching the team fail at every turn, especially with Mr. Fister pitching, and watching him was pretty amusing actually. I do feel for the kid, though. He’s a good athlete, sorta like another Mariners protege, Michael Saunders. Not sure Saunders ever gets it. But he’s fun to watch.

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