If you’ve ever been to Wal-Mart, you’ve undoubtedly seen the divorced fat woman with eight screaming children, beating the hell out of those poor kids as if she can pummel the sound right out of them, wondering why on earth the world has done this to her.
To say she doesn’t quite get it would be an understatement. Never mind the fact that in her younger days she made some bad decisions — sleeping with every guy bearing a snake tattoo, for one. Even those missteps could not fully explain why God would curse her with an octet of banshees, each conceived from the sperm of a different man. I mean, we all make mistakes. Uneducated, morbidly obese, socially inept female degenerates are no exception.
And then we have LeBron James.
Such a privileged life James leads. He has earned and continues to earn more money than most of us could ever imagine. He plays a game for a living. He is surrounded by luxury everywhere he goes.
Children emulate him. Men envy him. Women want to open their legs to him. Everybody, it seems, could enjoy the lifestyle of the one they call The King.
Except, perhaps, his highness, himself.
LeBron may very well be as clueless as our corpulent Wal-Mart divorcee. The guy just doesn’t get it. At all. And as a result, he might live the unhappiest of charmed lives this side of any of the Real Housewives women.
The man has skin no thicker than rice paper. He seems more unsure of himself than a pubescent teenager. When faced with adversity, the 26-year-old forward crumbles like the Berlin wall.
On top of all that, he lacks the traits of a real man.
James rarely takes public ownership over his own mistakes. He pouts, he whines, he points fingers. He seemingly can’t comprehend why people don’t like him. Perhaps, Lebron, it’s because you simply aren’t likable.
Only the pettiest of individuals would bring God into the equation when offering an opinion on something as trivial as the loss of a game. As if God truly had a vested interest in what THE LEBRON JAMES was doing on the evening of Sunday, June 12, 2011. Heaven forbid the “Greater Man upstairs” worry about anything but THE LEBRON JAMES. This is THE LEBRON JAMES after all. THE LEBRON JAMES is arguably one of God’s most treasured creations, if not the most treasured creation. It all makes perfect sense. Don’t blame THE LEBRON JAMES for this loss, Heat fans. Blame God. It’s God’s fault. Not LeBron’s.
No, LeBron simply lacks the social awareness to a) make good decisions, b) remove himself at any time from the spotlight, and c) stop screwing his reputation over and over again.
And therein lies the problem.
In spite of all his athletic ability, LeBron comes across to many sports fans as an aloof fraud desperately in need of acceptance. Unfortunately for him, no one’s accepting of the LeBron James persona for any number of reasons, none more so than a patronizing attitude replete with an air of fabricated humility.
It’s that lack of human perception that separates the King from the rest of us. And that’s not even taking into account the lack of a killer instinct he possesses on the basketball court, the absence of any passionate will to succeed at his profession. Because there’s that, too. Lest we forget.
On the surface, he seems to have it all. Underneath, however, we find a complicated mess.
His grasp on reality is as shaky as it comes. His quest for a trophy has come up short yet again. He possesses everything, and yet he has nothing.
Why would God do this to him?
Poor LeBron James. Poor, poor LeBron James.