Mike Wilson Is A G

Hey, M’s fans: take a look at your new left fielder. He is straight badass and I love it. You should love it, too. Because anyone who poses for their team picture like that is bound to rip sh*t up between the lines.

In case you haven’t heard, outfielder Mike Wilson (the badass in the picture) will be called up by the Mariners on Tuesday. Props to the Ryan Divish Brand for breaking the story.

You’re probably wondering about the semantics of this move. Who will get sent down? Will someone be released? What’s going to happen? Frankly, it doesn’t matter. Don’t concern yourself with that petty nonsense. Face it, there are about a dozen guys who could be cut from the current roster that no one — you, me, anybody — would care about losing. So don’t worry about it. Just worry about the gangsterness of Mike Wilson.

Here are some important facts about Mike Wilson:

-He was a second-round pick in the 2001 amateur draft by the Mariners organization, meaning he’s spent basically a decade in the M’s farm system.

-His middle name is LaDon. Make of that what you will.

-He’s listed at 6’2″, 245. I would pay to see this man charge the mound.

-He’s 27 years of age and has not yet appeared in a major league game. After ten years in the minors, you can bet your ass that he’ll be giving one-hundred-percent each time he puts on the jersey.

Here’s the thing. If you combine the story of Jim Morris with that of his fictional teammate from The Rookie, Brooks, you get Mike Wilson. Add in a mean-mug glare and you’ve hit the nail on the head.

And the best news? He will relieve us of Milton Bradley the outfielder. Hooray!

Mike Wilson for president.

3 thoughts on “Mike Wilson Is A G”

  1. You’ve written funnier things, but “Just worry about the gangsterness of Mike Wilson” hit a funny bone. I hope most get it. This version of Gansta I love. Good luck Mike Wilson. Like this guy’s drive to stay in the minors for that long. And his size… finally someone that can Bo Jackson a bat in the lineup.

    Before he charges the mound, I want him to bite the bat in half and donkey kick the catcher in one sweet move.

  2. MLB Debut….1-3 with RBI and the #8 top play on sportcenter that night. (caught ball running over to the left field foul line and into crowd).

    Already a better replacement for MB!

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