The Day Osama bin Laden Died

I don’t really have much to say. I just wanted to commemorate this moment on my website, and also offer these brief thoughts:

1. America is awesome.

2. Regardless of your political views, every man and woman in the United States Armed Forces deserves our recognition, our thanks, and our eternal gratitude for protecting this nation and stopping the bad guys. It’s that simple.

3. This morning, while hanging out at Green Lake, my Hero of the Day was the person who invented yoga pants. While I truly appreciate his or her contribution to society (and it’s a big one, let’s be honest), Mr. or Mrs. Yoga Pants has taken a back seat to whomever that individual is that pulled the trigger and delivered the fatal blow.

4. I hope they shot that bastard square in the balls before finishing him.

5. Thankfully, this will quickly move everyone past the Royal Wedding. We won’t be hearing about that sh*t anymore.

6. Whoever contributed to writing up President Obama’s speech in that short period of time should get a giant high-five. Good speech, quick turnaround, the ultimate deadline.

7. If you are a child who happens to be in school, just know that in the coming years you will have an extra chapter added to your history books. Take this moment in so you don’t fail any exams.

8. Justice has been done.

9. See No. 8. Worth looking at again.

10. Let this be a lesson to those of you who use Foursquare. Checking into places can really bite you in the ass sometimes.

11. And finally, for those of you asking what took so long to track bin Laden down, consider this: Killing terrorists is a lot like having sex for the first time. Search long enough and eventually you’ll find that pussy you’re looking for.

Go America!

8 thoughts on “The Day Osama bin Laden Died”

  1. Saw this somewhere on Twitter tonight. “I say that whoever pulled the trigger never has to pay taxes again!”

  2. This is one of the best peices of writing that you have ever done….funny, insightful and mature. You are much younger then me but this piece makes me hopeful for your generation.

  3. “I have never wished a man dead but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” –Mark Twain

  4. Totally off topic, but…

    Every once in a while I accidently visit this site while trying to get to this blog. Cracks me up every time.

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