Complete NFL Draft Coverage In 140 Characters Or Less

Because writing an actual article would be overkill, slash because I’m lazy, I give you a chronology of thirty (yes, 30) tweets I vomited onto The Twitter during the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft.

If you’d like more of this mindless chatter, feel free to follow @alexssn (that’s me) and stay up-to-date on all the things that no one really cares about.

Without further ado…

1. You know Jimmy Clausen just took out a huge insurance policy on his laptop. #NFLDraft #Panthers

2. How many other people’s spank banks you think Cam Newton’s seen by jacking all those computers? #Hella

3. Dear Tennessee: Jake Locker will make you forget about Vince Young. That is all. Good luck, Jake. #Huskies #Titans

4. I wouldn’t say he “played”… RT @ProducerLinzers You know who else played for the Tennessee Titans? Jason Gesser. #GoCougs

5. Heard from a scout that Blaine Gabbert’s balls weren’t big enough to warrant getting picked over Jake Locker.

6. Hey #Huskies fans: If you want Jake’s new #Titans jersey for cheap, go buy Vince Young’s #10 jersey on discount and put LOCKER on the back.

7. Jake Locker will actually embody the pickup line “Hey, are you from Nashville? Cuz you’re the only 10 I see.” #FACT #Titans #Huskies

8. “With the 25th pick in the 2011 #NFLDraft, the #Seahawks elect to pass.” No trade. No pick. Just pass. #Trendsetters

9. My buddy John: “Prince Amukamara looks like he brought the dancers from ‘Coming to America’ to the green room.” #Arsenio

10. Plaxico’s like, “Aw, hell nah”… #HellYeah RT @Softykjr Locker on what he did to pass the day today: “Shot some guns for a little bit.”

11. The #Browns just drafted the guy who writes the back page articles for SI. Epic fail.

12. I’d like to hear an analyst say they like the guy who was just drafted cuz they created him on Madden and upped his values to 99. #Win

13. Shane Falco. Please God. Shane Falco. #Seahawks #NFLDraft

14. “The #Seahawks probably will take a QB at some point.” -Chris Mortensen. Excellent analysis, Mort. Top-notch, top-notch. #NFLDraft

15. I don’t know this James Carpenter, OT, #Alabama, but I do know he’s not a ginger. So that’s good. #Seahawks #NFLDraft

16. Oh God, they’re saying this Carpenter fellow is a “reach”. Last time I heard that w/ one of my teams, the #Sonics drafted Mouhamed Sene.

17. The only positive with Andy Dalton is that he plays Chef Bobby Flay on TV, so clearly he knows a thing or two about cooking. #Throwdown

18. The nice thing about James Carpenter is he’s really big.

19. I’m a better analyst than the real analysts.

20. Stop being rational. That’s not your role. RT @JasonPuckettKJR Wait before you become disappointed. Hawks biggest weakness is OL.

21. RT @jlark21 @alexssn Another good thing about him is that he is really strong. Already better than the Fox announcers.

22. Confirmed: James Carpenter is big. And strong. #ExpertAnalysis #Seahawks #NFLDraft

23. I’ve heard the term “bookend” used to describe Carpenter. Most bookends are 8″ high and weigh roughly one pound. Erroneous description.

24. I’d like to meet Jon Gruden so he can get excited about me.

25. If you combine James Carpenter and Mark Ingram, former Bama teammates, you get James Ingram. #JustOnce

26. Best name in the #NFLDraft: Muhammad Wilkerson. Almost as good as Osama bin Smith.

27. This has to be a record for most Cameron’s ever selected in a draft, let alone 1st rd. My brother’s name is Cameron. Hell of a WR at age 12.

28. Let’s play “Guess James Carpenter’s Bust Size”. I’m gonna say 52C. Who’s next? #Seahawks #NFLDraft

29. Now that the first round of the #NFLDraft is over, Mel Kiper is only 6 horcruxes away from death.

30. This is my 30th tweet about the #NFLDraft. I’m only tweeting cuz 30 is a round number and it’ll make sense for my article. #Boobs

(I just hashtagged “Boobs” in case you wanted to search the term in the Twitterworld. You’re welcome.)

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