Because a friend suggested I write this. And I’m loyal to my friends.
G – Jorge Gutierrez, University of California
If he just cut his hair, he’d probably be an Efren Ramirez lookalike. That might almost be enough to get him off this list.
G – Allen Crabbe, University of California
F – Brock Motum, Washington State University
Yes, he looks like Voldemort.
F – Reeves Nelson, UCLA
The caveat here is that Nelson is only sort of human, so he doesn’t entirely count.
C – Kyryl Natyazhko, Arizona
The floppy, goofy hair only serves to distract you from the floppy, goofy face.
G – Malcolm Armstead, Oregon
Well, you know, on the bright side, he’s not hideous hideous.
G – Faisal Aden, Washington State
The five-head and the ill-advised ‘fro do him no favors.
F – Derrick Williams, Arizona
I’ve heard him compared to Shrek, as well as a yak. He’s a Shrak.
F – Markhuri Sanders-Frison, California
HE IS DEEBO! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
C – Ruslan Pateev, Arizona State
If you do a Google safe search for “Ruslan Pateev,” a number of naked dudes with their junk exposed come up. You can legitimately associate Pateev with cock-shots.