Top 11: Moments In Life You Wish Gus Johnson Was There To Call

It already happened for Isaiah Thomas thanks to this game-winning bucket. But shouldn’t we all be lucky enough to land on the receiving end of a Gus Johnson play-by-play?

He’s arguably the greatest announcer on the planet and his passion is unrivaled. So why not let him be a part of some of your most passion-filled life moments?

Here’s to wishful thinking…

11. Your wedding day.

“They’ve got the rings…they’ve said their vows…it comes down to this…annnnd…I do! I do! HOLY MATRIMONY!!!!”

10. That time you ate the best sandwich ever.

“It’s got pickles, onions, lettuce, mustard, mayo, six different kinds of meat, there might even be an endangered species in there! He’s got the bread between his fingertips, he’s leaning in for the bite…TASTE EXPLOSION!!!!”

9. The last day of school.

“Time is running down…just a few seconds left on the clock now and this teacher is gonna need a miracle. She’s up there at the white board controlling the tempo, but I’m starting to hear a few zippers now, some murmurs in the crowd…and THE BELL HAS RUNG! GAME OVER!!!!”

8. The first (and likely last) time you watched Two Girls, One Cup.

“They appear to need a bathroom break momentarily…but wait, what’s this? What are they doing with the — OH GOD, OH GOD! THEY’RE EATING POO! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

7. The first time you ever got a sext message.

“He’s picking up his phone now, no rush, plenty of time…it’s clearly a message of some sort…it appears to read “No Subject”…and here’s the click…BOOBIES!!!!”

6. The amazing feeling of euphoria that consumes you when you have a really good sneeze.

“His eyes are closing, his head’s tilting back. We have a few deep breaths now…clearly, something’s happening here…his mouth is opening…annndddd…GESUNDHEIT!!!!”

5. The birth of your first child.

“She’s fully dilated now, pushing with every ounce of her very being…the doctors are going in to secure the baby…there’s the head! Here it comes…OH MY GOODNESS! PLACENTA!!!!”

4. The first time you heard Thriller.

“This is audibly unique, folks…a definite blast of aural pleasure occurring right now. There’s a feeling of fear and excitement swirling together in the brain…it’s a THRILLER! EARGASM!!!!”

3. Every time you get a Facebook Notification.

“He’s got the email address in there, now it’s time for the password. Got ’em both. Keep in mind this is a public computer, so he will not be pressing “Remember Me” right here. Big moment awaits…the page is loading…connection seems to be taking a while…here we go…NOTIFIED! YOU’RE IMPORTANT!!!!”

2. The first time you successfully completed Oregon Trail.

“It comes down to this! One final trek up the Snake River and it will be OVER! Here we go! The Willamette Valley is in his sights, annnnnddddd…NO CHOLERA! NO TYPHOID! NO DYSENTERY! FRANCIS IS ALIVE! HANNAH IS ALIVE! GLADYS IS ALIVE! EVEN YOUNG ZEKE!!!! ALL YOUR OXEN ARE INTACT!!!! YOU’VE MADE IT!!!!”

1. The moment you lost your virginity.

“He’s been looking to attack all day long, but his scoring attempts have been limited. He seems to have it working now, though. Good ball movement…the penetration is there…time is a factor, however. He needs to do what he can to kill the clock if at all possible. Uh oh, looks like he may be rushing here…but…RISE AND FIRE!! IT’S GOOD! IT’S GOOD! HE GOT IT! HE GOT IT! It wasn’t pretty, but he KNOCKED IT DOWN!!!!”

9 thoughts on “Top 11: Moments In Life You Wish Gus Johnson Was There To Call”

  1. I agree that this was well done on a real quick turnaround. My favorite (by far and away, really) is #2. Can’t remember the game well enough to single out names of people on the trail with you, but the name drops in the Gus Johnson euphoria were well executed. You, my friend, are COLD-BLOODED!!!!!!

  2. Gus Johnson is the greatest. I would love to listen to every game with him and Marques Johnson. Fail proof.

  3. “Rumble, Young man Rumble” Madden 11 gives me my fix when needed, but that call was amazing….

    “…he’s gonna do it himSELF!” and the rest is recent blissful history. Oh yeah, decent job Alex.

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