Dawg Pack Dirt: UCLA

Dawg Pack Dirt: UCLA

Volume 7, Issue 14, March 3, 2011

Special to Seattle Sportsnet

Written by dedicated Dawg Pack members

The game:

-UCLA Bruins (21-8) @ Washington Huskies (19-9).

-Alaska Airlines Arena at Hec Edmundson Pavilion, Seattle, Wash.

-Thursday, March 3, 2011, 6:00 p.m. PST.

The team:

-University of California-Los Angeles, Los Angeles, CA.

-UCLA is 12-4 in conference play.

-In their most recent outing, the Bruins demolished Arizona at home on Senior Night by a score of 71-49. The 49 points were a season-low for the Wildcats.

-The Bruins won eight of their past nine games, only losing to California in overtime by a score of 76-72 on February 20.

The players:

#0 C (RS Fr.) Anthony Stover

-He’s studying “allltypesofs***” at UCLA.

-Anthony wears Kid Cudi-esque glasses in every Facebook picture.

#1 G (Fr.) Tyler Lamb

-Tyler became ill after eating chicken chili cheese fries at a place in L.A. called Fat Sal’s.

#2 G (Jr.) Kenny Jones

-A walk-on, Kenny’s full name is Kenneth Dewayne Jones. But he prefers Kenny.

-Wants to become a coach after graduating.

#3 G (Jr.) Malcolm Lee

-Malcolm writes poetry and frequently participates in poetry slams.

-Fun fact: his player bio states he’s right-handed.

#4 G (Jr.) Tyler Trapani

-Great grandson of John Wooden

-Had never scored a basket in three seasons with UCLA until he scored the final two points in the Bruins’ win over Arizona last weekend. It was the last basket scored in Pauley Pavillion (“The house that John built”) before renovation.  Ben Howland openly wept and the media regarded it as a miracle.  Tyler is now bragging on facebook about his 0.7 points-per-game scoring average. He’s almost reached a full point!

#5 G (Jr.) Jerime Anderson

-Worst way ever to spell “Jeremy”. Let’s refer to him phonetically…jurr-AYM.

-Called out teammate Lazeric Jones on his poor work ethic in an interview this November.

#10 F (RS Fr.) Alex Schrempf

-Son of UW Alum and Sonic great, Detlef Schrempf.

-Played his prep ball at nearby Bellevue High School.

-Walked-on to UCLA and has only played two minutes this season.

-Detlef’s better.

#11 G (Jr.) Lazeric Jones

-Has a dad named Allen and a younger brother named Allen Jr. His parents clearly didn’t think he was good enough to carry on his father’s name. So they did the next best thing and went with Lazeric, instead. Naturally.

Was really upset that he didn’t contribute during UCLA’s first go-round with Washington earlier this year. Is under the impression that this is why the Bruins lost.

#13 G (Jr.) Matt DaMarcus

-Matt is a walk-on, and in his first two seasons with the Bruins he did not play in a single game. The ‘Put in Matt’ chant is a must here.

-His father played professionally in New Zealand.

-His birthday is on Friday, so let’s serenade him a day early.

-Not really sure what to think about this picture, Matt is in a Ducks shirt (he’s a big Oregon fan) with Harry the Husky:

-In a relationship with a girl named Sara.

-Created himself on NCAA 2010 for XBOX. Rated himself a 67 overall…that’s a little high.

*Editor’s note: If you’re not rating yourself above a 90, you’re wasting your time.

#14 G (Fr.) Jack Haley

-His father, also named Jack, played in the NBA for 10 years.

*Editor’s note: Now I feel old. Somewhere, I have a Jack Haley basketball card.

#15 G (Jr.) Blake Arnet

-He’s a junior and has yet to become a role player with the Bruins. In his first two years combined he played 26 minutes.

-On the bright side, Blake is an expert marksman, having compiled a 40-percent three-point shooting percentage over his three seasons on the squad. He’s 2-5 from beyond the arc in his career. Those five long-range attempts account for all five of his collegiate field goal tries. Meaning he’s never attempted a shot within the two-point area.

*Editor’s note: I feel like Blake and I would get along. Sudan.

-His favorite athlete is Brett Favre. Ask him if he ever got any texts of Brett’s you-know-what.

*Editor’s note: Penis.

#20 F (So.) David Wear

-David is a transfer from the University of North Carolina. He will not be eligible to play until the 2011-2012 season.

-David played on the USA U-18 National Team in 2008.

-Attended the same high school as teammates Blake Arnet, Tyler Lamb, and his twin brother, Travis.

-Is older than Travis by one minute. And therefore better.

#21 F (So.) Brendan Lane

-Brendan has a girlfriend named Allison, who is not in the photo below:

-Brendan is shooting 40-percent (6-15) from three-point range this year, up from 23-percent a year ago.

#22 F (So.) Reeves Nelson

-His middle name is Bruce.

Last year, Reeves came into Hec Ed looking like he had been through a war. His face might not be as bad this year, but he could still pass as a zombie pirate. Reeves seemed to enjoy our pirate songs last year, so let’s serenade him again on Thursday.

Reeves has a Facebook fan page where he alternates between talking in the first- and third-person.

#23 F (So.) Tyler Honeycutt

-His middle name is Deon.

-Tyler created his own Facebook fan page, which currently has 271 fans. Someone help a brother out…

-Is listed at 6’8″, 188 pounds. Can anybody hook this guy up with some creatine?

#24 F (So.) Travis Wear

-Travis is redshirting this year after transferring from North Carolina.

-Is younger and better-looking than twin brother and teammate, David.

#34 C (Fr.) Joshua Smith

-Well, here we go with Public Enemy No. 1. After being recruited by Lorenzo Romar of the hometown Huskies, Ben Howland of UCLA, and Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser, Josh spurned Jillian and Lorenzo and picked UCLA.

-For those who don’t know, Josh played his prep ball at nearby Kentwood High School.

-Josh is listed at 305 lbs, but has lost 40 lbs since last June. And as a testament to his corpulence, no one is really sure whether this measurement was recorded before or after the weight loss. UCLA won’t release this information.

-Josh used to “suck down extra cheeseburgers when he was hungry,” but now he’s claimed to have given up greasy foods. We all know Josh is still a fat kid at heart.

-He got Uggs for Christmas this year.

-Ben Howland remarked that Josh needs to “grow up” and be a “big boy” after the freshman issued critical remarks about officials earlier this year.

– Josh is averaging 10.8 ppg and 6.2 rpg, and is a leading candidate for Pac-1o Freshman of the Year.

7 thoughts on “Dawg Pack Dirt: UCLA”

  1. what a bunch of losers. You people have absolutly zero life. You probably live in your moms basement sucking her tit all day. You guys are pussies, have fun sucking your own dick for the rest of your life.

  2. Let’s review, we are a bunch of losers, we have zero life, blah blah blah, so why are you wasting your time not only reading this blog but further wasting it by responding…………..nothing better to do? That’s what I thought.

  3. Dawg Pack better get after J.Smith. There’s so much ammunition –

    “traitor” (his words),
    overweight (everyone’s words),
    middle finger salute to USC (his actions), and
    more

  4. Dear Anonymous,

    I would really like to hear your story… did your girlfriend just break up with you?… did you just find out that Josh Smith is extremely overweight? Did your girlfriend leave you for an obese Josh Smith?

    Let me know, we will grab some coffee. (welcometoromarville@gmail.com)

    Respectfully,
    The Guy That Wrote This

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s