This is Bartolo Colon. You may remember him as a professional athlete who used to more closely resemble a human being.
We haven’t seen Bartolo in a couple years, but it appears that he has now consumed a second helping of whatever it is he consumed the first time he became engorged (probably a small child or a midget).
The Yankees — yes, the New York Yankees — are auditioning Colon for the team’s currently-vacant fifth starter role. Hell of a back-end anchor, this man. Could probably sink an entire ship, in fact.
This is just a reminder to all you Mariners fans out there that it could be worse. We could be shelling out millions of dollars for the post-game spread and a Jabba the Hutt lookalike. But we’re not. So, you know…Believe Big.