Meet Your Big Offseason Acquisition, Mariner Fans

This is second baseman Adam Kennedy. Not Adam Kennedy’s dad or Adam Kennedy’s much older brother. Nope. This is a professional athlete. Adam F**kin’ Kennedy.

This less-than-flattering mugshot was taken shortly after Kennedy was arrested for driving under the influence on Wednesday night.

Keep in mind that Kennedy is 35 years of age and signed to a non-guaranteed minor league deal by your Seattle Mariners. That said, if he was Dominican, we’d need validation of his birth certificate to ensure that the one-time top prospect is not, in fact, 50 or older.

Look, let’s face it. We all make mistakes. Kennedy’s appears to be neglecting minoxidil.

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