Volume 7, Issue 10, January 20, 2011
Special to Seattle Sportsnet
Written by dedicated Dawg Pack members
-#25 Arizona Wildcats (15-3) @ #20 Washington Huskies (13-4).
-Hec Edmundson Pavilion, Seattle, Wash.
-Thursday, January 20, 2011, 7:30 pm PST.
-University of Arizona, Tucson, Ariz.
-Arizona is currently ranked 2nd in the Pac-10.
-The Wildcats love Jersey Shore. Like, serious love. If anyone wants to bring a grenade whistle to the game, by all means please do.
-‘Zona is in the rankings for the first time in the regular season since January ’08. To put that into perspective, Bush was president and Jersey Shore wouldn’t debut for almost another year…
*Editor’s note: In case you’re hoping your child masters the English language, “gon” is not a word.
#0 G (Jr.) Dondre Wise
-Considers himself very lovable.
-Dondre just got four teeth pulled. He says it feels like his mouth got ran over by a bus.
-In case you were wondering, he did say his day got a little better because Jersey Shore was coming on.
-His homecoming date was recently on the news for credit card fraud. Ask him what he thinks about her.
-Dondre’s big bro is former Wildcat Nic Wise, who happens to be playing professionally in Germany these days.
*Editor’s note: It’s unfortunate that Dondre’s parents forgot to work the apostrophe into his first name.
#1 C (So.) Kyryl ‘Kreal’ Natyazhko
-Kyryl and his roommate, Abel, had a difficult time assembling a dresser this week. They were scared it was going to collapse in the middle of the night.
-Their dishwasher, which they refer to as “THE DUMP,” also broke. Abel posted many times on his Facebook page how upset he was about the situation.
-Kreal is Ukrainian. If anyone knows some fun sayings, make sure he hears ’em.
#2 G (Fr.) Daniel Bejarano
-His favorite show as a kid was Barney.
-Daniel likes Camaros.
*Editor’s note: Camaros is the name of a local stripper in the Tucson area. A tranny stripper.
#3 G/F (So.) Kevin Parrom
-Made some girl very mad. She posted this on TheDirty.com:
“Ok this is Kevin Parrom. He thinks he is God’s gift to Earth! He can’t even put it in right. The only thing he can do is eat a <removed>! He cheats on his ugly girlfriend Mone and makes her think he doesn’t. He swears that he’s going to make it to the NBA. Please, Derrick is the only one that’s going to make it. You’re going to end up playing overseas like Nic. If it wasn’t for the fact he played basketball he would get no cooter! please bring him back to reality.”
*Editor’s note: That is AWESOME! Just put that entire paragraph on a sign. Please.
#5 G (Fr.) Robert Arvizu
-The only walk-on on Arizona’s roster.
-Has never scored a point as a Wildcat.
-Wants the ladies to know, “If I were any more single, I’d be a fraction. ;)”
*Editor’s note: That saying doesn’t even make sense.
#12 G (So.) Lamont “Momo” Jones
-Has a tendency to palm the ball and carry almost every time he dribbles.
-His role as a starter is on the line and if he doesn’t play well, he will be replaced by Jordin Mayes.
#20 G (Fr.) Jordin Mayes
-Coach Miller called Jordin Mayes “the ultimate winner,” but he refers to himself as “just a all around cool funny guy.”
-When Miller recruited Mayes, most of the Arizona fans were upset and did not think he deserved a spot on their roster, an insecurity Mayes has not forgotten.
*Editor’s note: Grammar police says “an all-around cool, funny guy” would be more appropriate.
#21 G (Jr.) Kyle Fogg
-Last year we referred to Kyle as Arizona’s “Plan B©” because he was (and still is), Arizona’s backup scoring option, but not practical for every time.
-His weakness is Krispy Kreme donuts.
-Hopes to buy a castle by the time he is 35.
-Has a Facebook fan page for his long arms. 120 people like his long arms…
#23 F (So.) Derrick Williams
-Williams leads the Cats while averaging roughly 20 points and seven rebounds per game.
-After putting up 31 points and grabbing 10 rebounds in a win over Arizona State, Williams was named last week’s Pac-1o Player of the Week. Isaiah Thomas, on the other hand, was snubbed after his 27-point, 13-assist performance at Cal. Make sure to remind Derrick that he doesn’t deserve that POW.
-When he is not on the court, Derrick likes to ride his scooter. Tell him to wear his helmet next time.
*Editor’s note: Those Nikes are clearly fake. Likely purchased on eBay for a few yuan.
#24 G (Jr.) Brendon Lavender
-Brendon is in a relationship with Jennifer.
-In this picture, it looks like someone is twisting his manly parts. OUCH.
*Editor’s note: My God. There are just so many things you could do with this photo. Almost all of them have to do with porn, however.
#33 F (Jr.) Jesse Perry
-Jesse has no Facebook that we could find…tell him to get on that.
-He is a transfer from John A. Logan Community College. While at Logan, he averaged 17 points and 10 rebounds per game.
-Perry was a McDonald’s High School All-American nominee, but for reasons unknown he did not attend a four-year university out of high school.
-You can pick him out in the crowd because of his long locks. He is usually sporting the ponytail, too.
*Editor’s note: His future is clearly in the comic book business then.
#42 F (Sr.) Jamelle Horne
-Carried a perfect 4.0 GPA throughout high school, according to his dad.
-However, this intelligence doesn’t translate to the basketball court, as he is known as being a very low-IQ player. Despite being an NBA prospect, he lost his starting job earlier this year.
-Jamelle is originally from Tacoma, but relocated to San Diego in high school because, “In Tacoma, there’s a lot of basketball players but most of them don’t make it out because it’s a pretty (rough) neighborhood.” I can think of a few who made it out…
-Jamelle has a girlfriend named Sydney, who also happens to be a model for hottestcollegeinamerica.com.
-Thinks he’s Wiz Khalifa with his chest tats.
#44 F (So.) Solomon Hill
-Is from Los Angeles.
-Solomon is Arizona’s second-leading rebounder and scorer. He has an improved jump shot from last year, but it’s still a work in progress.
-Solomon driving while singing to Justin Bieber. He’s got some SERIOUS BIEBER FEVER!
-He’s a big Japanese anime fan.
*Editor’s note: They call that “Japanimation.” There’s your Karate Emergency for the day.
#50 C (Jr.) Alex ‘Tree’ Jacobson
-Arizona’s athletic site describes Alex as, “improving, but needs to be more aggressive on both sides.” Alex has earned the unfortunate label of being “soft” by the media, and even some friends.
*Editor’s note: Alex is so soft that the Pillsbury Doughboy pokes HIM in the stomach. Tee-hee.
#52 F (So.) Max Wiepking
-(Pronounced Weep-King) is Arizona’s Brendan Sherrer.
-He’s shooting 1-for-2 from the field on the year.