Antoine Hosley: The Human Victory Blunt

You know Brendan Sherrer. He’s the Husky men’s basketball team’s “Human Victory Cigar.” Makes sense, right?

(That’s a rhetorical question. It does make sense. I don’t really want to explain what it means. If you don’t know, feel free to Google the term.)

In correspondence with Sherrer’s aptly unique nickname (which isn’t so unique in that it was originally bestowed upon the inimitable Zane Potter over seven years ago, but whatever…we recycle in this town), my friends have dubbed fellow Husky walk-on Antoine Hosley the “Human Victory Blunt.” Makes sense, right? Yeah, my friends are characters.

So here’s the thing about Hosley. I like him quite a bit. I respect his moxie. That dude plays less than Sherrer, yet he sits on the bench the entire game refusing to put on his warmup jacket. He just lounges in a sleeveless shirt and waits, poised to do damage at a moment’s notice. I fully expect Coach Romar to panic one day, see Hosley sitting there NOT in a warmup jacket, and put him in the game on a whim. It’s a pretty great strategy by Hosley. If you look the part, your chances for success increase dramatically.

Once in the game, Hosley puts on an entertaining show. If you grew up playing basketball video games on PlayStation, as I did, you know all about the B-button. Pressing the B-button when your point guard had the ball usually equated to fancy dribbling of some sort. Maybe a spin move, maybe a between-the-legs-behind-the-back combo; you just never really knew what you were gonna get with that B-button. It was akin to stumbling upon the infamous Hadouken for the first time whilst playing Street Fighter II. That was a great moment, wasn’t it? Your first thought was, “What the f**k was that?!” and then you came a little. I know. I had that feeling too.

Anyway, the thing about the B-button was sometimes you’d tap it one too many times and sh*t would hit the fan. Your point guard would respond by spin moving himself three rows deep into the stands. Get back here, you little bastard. I didn’t mean to send you over there.

That’s kind of what I see happening with Hosley. Sure, most of the time he’s simply asked to dribble out the clock. But he doesn’t just stand around and look bored. Oh no. That guy goes playground on his hapless defender. My only hope is that he yo-yos off a dude’s forehead one day. I prefer he do that as opposed to spin moving out of bounds. But either way, I’d laugh.

So here’s to the Human Victory Blunt. Someone’s going to take offense to this. Whatever. It’s a drug reference. A drug reference to a substance that should be legalized. Marijuana. Hashish. Get over it and lighten up.

Antoine Hosley, you win the day.

12 thoughts on “Antoine Hosley: The Human Victory Blunt”

  1. Addendum: I forgot to put in the part about how I think Hosley needs to pass to Sherrer more when they both happen to be in the game. Consider this: a Hosley lob pass to Sherrer for an alley-oop. That one play would have the two of them Eiffel Towering an entire sorority for the rest of the year. They don’t yet know how greatly they can benefit from one another’s presence.

  2. I think i might literally just have a heart attack if that ever happened. I can’t even handle just thinking about how crazy the dawg pack would go.

  3. Damn that was funny. “Look the part” paragraph killed me. And I do wait for him to completely lose control. Something like winding up to tazmanian devil rotations before he …

  4. P.s. every game i yell at the top of my lungs “HOSLEY TO SHERRER, HOSLEY TO SHERRER”. It’ll happen. Just wait.

  5. “Antoine Hosley is Brendan Sherrer’s biggest cockblock.”

    Anonymous (Kind of) I love you. Literally laughed out loud and then choked a little because it is so incredibly true. Sorry, not to hate on the little guy, but I remember when Antoine came here he was like “I’m as legit as the other players and I will earn a scholarship” and I’m sorry, but that’s really not that humble whereas Brendan’s still going “I’m on the UW Basketball team? Really? Seriously?” I remember watching that kid play at Murphy… not exactly the most high profile team like Hosley’s was.

    And he does need to feed it to Brendan. Like seriously seriously seriously. Seriously. Point guard. Distribute.

  6. lol Rio, I was thinking the same thing. but that part is soooo true and soooo funny! i would do that all the time!

    hosley to sherrer!

  7. I cross-pollinated multiple gaming systems in that reference. Circle, B, it’s all the same. It’s the one to the utmost right. That’s all that matters.

  8. If anyone takes offense, it won’t be because of the drug reference. It will be because you took the position that if the white walk-on is the human victory cigar, the black one must be the victory blunt.

    Your friends are racist, that’s all I’m sayin’. But they already knew that.

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