If social networking sites have proven anything to me over the course of the past few hours, it’s that you fickle Seattle sports fans are decidedly torn on who should be the Seahawks’ starting quarterback on December 26th, 2010.
Oh sure, there are some of you who are blindly optimistic about Matt Hasselbeck. God forbid anybody boo an underwhelming player. (By the way, don’t we have a right, as fans, to express our opinions on our team’s performance? Or do they not allow that anymore?)
We’ve all heard the excuses. It’s the O-line’s fault! It’s the receiving corps’ fault! It’s the coaching staff’s fault! Well, all or some of that may be true, but Hasselbeck is the one out there playing like crap. So point fingers if you must. But just know that the man isn’t performing. At the end of the day, performance is all that really matters. And if you don’t believe that he’s not performing, click here.
On the flip side, there are those of you who love Charlie Whitehurst so much that you’d like to see Hasselbeck sent out to sea on a sinking ship. He looks like Jesus, you say. Well yes, that’s fairly accurate. But really, that has nothing to do with football. And frankly, Whitehurst has only been so-so in his attempts at throwing things this year. If Whitehurst was actually Jesus, we’d be undefeated right now and he’d be almost as good as the all-99 player you just created in your own likeness on Madden.
Whether you’re a Hasselbeck lover or a Whitehurst fan, I think we can all agree that neither one of these guys is the long-term answer under center for your Seattle Seahawks. Well, I can agree on that, at least. But I don’t know about the rest of you. There are a lot of naive, delusional individuals in this town. I love you, but that doesn’t mean I always have to like you. It’s like we’re married, basically. You, me, and these teams. That’s a polygamous relationship, for those of you keeping score at home. So we’re more like a Utah marriage.
Here’s the thing. Hasselbeck is old and Whitehurst is Whitehurst, a former third-stringer who didn’t throw his first NFL pass until age 27. Meh. Neither one of those guys excites me. If you’re excited by the possibilities being presented to you here, I encourage you to put down the Cialis, check to make sure that it hasn’t been longer than four hours (and head to the doctor to have it looked at if it has been longer than four hours), then let yourself calm down before digesting these next couple paragraphs.
The Seahawks won’t find their quarterback of the future until this next offseason. Maybe they’ll draft him, maybe they’ll sign him, maybe they’ll trade for him, who really knows for sure. But chances are, no one will see Whitehurst or Hasselbeck as the quarterback of the future when the 2011 season kicks off. Even if one of those two guys happens to be the starter on opening day. Which is rather likely.
So until we get to this next offseason, let’s just play JP Losman. Yep, I said it. It’s time. If fifty-percent of you hate Hasselbeck, and likewise fifty-percent of you hate Whitehurst, let’s just go with the people’s choice, Losman. He’s a former first-round pick, you know. That’s sexy.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m crazy. Truth be told, I am crazy. But that’s neither here nor there. I just want what’s best for our team. And what’s best for our team is the dark horse candidate, the Ralph Nader of our quarterback controversy, the ultimate underdog, the long shot, JP Motherbleepin Losman. (Fact: I do not know if that’s his real middle name. I’m guessing it isn’t.)
Why Losman? Better question: Why not? Checkmate.
Until Losman gets the call, I will be the beacon of hope that towers above the warring masses that have decidedly split the Seattle sports fan base in two. While you fight this unnecessary battle of mediocrity, I, like the peaceful nation of Switzerland, will remain neutral with a wonderful alternative that quells all hatred.
JP Losman is the answer. Maybe not next year, or anytime in the future, or even at all. But it’s fun to pretend, at least.
Why not JP Losman, America? Why the hell not?