An Open Plea To Steve Ballmer

Dear Steve,

As you already know, we need a professional basketball team in this city. Ours was stolen from us like a pair of kicks from Foot Locker. This is where you come in.

Now as you may have heard, the NBA is seizing the New Orleans Hornets franchise, as their owner is basically a delinquent malcontent (okay, malcontent is a little strong of a word, but you get the point). The league is more or less foreclosing on the organization, looking to flip it at a discounted rate to the highest bidder. Being one of the richest men in the world, you’re as ideal a candidate as any to own this basketball team.

Of course, there’s the matter of an arena. I actually feel kind of bad asking this of you, but do you think you could go ahead and foot the bill for a state-of-the-art venue in the Greater Seattle area? Because that’s what it will really take to land the Hornets here in the Emerald City. The cost of the team is petty cash. It’s the new multi-purpose facility that will really set you back.

I’ve employed a very simple three-step plan to help you (and in turn me) get an NBA team here in our own backyard. Take a gander at the following:

Step 1: Let it be known that you are a serious contender to purchase the New Orleans franchise. Assemble a team of rich businessmen to secure your interest in this venture.

Step 2: Come up with hundreds of millions of dollars to fund the future home of the new Seattle Supersonics. This sounds outrageous, but you just liquidated $2 billion worth of Microsoft stock in November. That’s a ton of money that’s just sitting around the house. You might as well do something with it, right?

Step 3: Having pledged to build a new arena, and having denoted your interest in owning an NBA ballclub, seal the deal by writing a check to the National Basketball Association for the rights to bring the Hornets to Seattle. This one is a tough pill to swallow. I know how you feel. The NBA doesn’t deserve your money. The NBA doesn’t deserve any of our money. I even feel guilty when I buy a Sonics t-shirt these days. I know where my hard-earned cash is going: David Stern’s pocket. Even if I am reppin’ the Supes, I have a tough time justifying such a purchase.

That said, now is the time. This is our absolute best chance to get the Sonics back. The NBA is closer to contraction than it is to expansion, so the odds of us getting a brand new start-up organization are slim to none. And slim just left the building. We need to capitalize on this moment and bring back the green-and-gold.

All of this is much easier said than done, of course. Personally, I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you took a pass on this investment. Because let’s face it, the NBA flat isn’t making money right now. It’s like buying a car. As soon as you drive it off the lot, you’ve lost more than a few pennies. And that’s what it’s like to be an owner in David Stern’s League of Injustice these days.

Fact is, you’ll probably lose some money in the first few years of your reign of ownership. Especially if the new Supes have to call Key Arena home while their new facility is being erected. So from that standpoint, I can’t fault you for turning your back and saying, “No, thanks.”

But let’s envision the future for a minute. Once that brand new arena is fully operational, you’ll reap the benefits of your erection (heh). With the area’s biggest, brightest, baddest (and by “bad” I mean good) home for concerts and sporting events, you’ll be taking home cushy paychecks on an everyday basis.

And that’s not all. Think of the standing you’ll have in the community. You could be the anti-Howard Schultz. A hero. A savior. A saint. You’ll never have to buy your own drink in this town again. Heck, I make in one year what you likely earn in a day. And I will buy you a beer if I run into you. I have absolutely no qualms about that. You bring us the Sonics and you’re a legend in Seattle from now until eternity. They’ll probably build statues in your honor. Or at least write about you on a frequent basis, as I plan to.

Steve, we need you now more than we’ve ever needed you before. This is your movie moment. Your chance to be the knight in shining armor. Your opportunity to be our Superman. Please, from the bottom of my heart, don’t pass this up. Bring back our Seattle Supersonics.

Sincerely,

Seattle Sportsnet

 

24 thoughts on “An Open Plea To Steve Ballmer”

  1. True statement for sure. I actually think he would be smart to do this. Not just from a basketball stand point. Taking the concerts from the key to his new facility (lets say bellevue, my personal favorite place for a new arena) would be a huge money maker. Then the key could be demolished and used for, oh i don’t konw more parking for seattle to charge people with. win win for all!

  2. It’s actually insulting to Ballmer – the assumption that he doesn’t already know all of this and needs to be told by some blogger with poor writing skills and a middle school comprehension. This is a huge undertaking which carries great risk and requires tremendous perseverance, both financially and personally.

    You are speaking to the CEO of Microsoft. A man with the resources to make something like this happen. What the fuck do you know?

  3. Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold on.

    No one’s ever accused me of having greater than an elementary school level of comprehension. You, sir, must be new here.

    Also, good use of the word “fuck.”

  4. Yes indeed. I think my double browser is causing me problems…
    I am always interested why people feel the need to debase others after spending time reading their material thoroughly enough to comment and then feel the need to assert their opinion as though they speak from higher grounds. I think he is just jealous of your awesomeness and large fan base.

  5. Sorry SupesFan12 but I’ve got to get all stereotypical here. I picture you as some white trash dude, cut-off sleaves who dropped out of high school in 10th grade, currently about 19 or 20 years old, who thinks you just made yourself look tough by degrading Alex and dropping an f-bomb.

  6. “It’s actually insulting to Ballmer – the assumption that he doesn’t already know all of this”

    He started it out with “as you already know”. And Alex’s writing skills are pretty solid.

    So, what the fuck do you know? It clearly isn’t how to read.

  7. you’ve obviously underestimated the immense stupidity of Microsoft fanboys. how dare you disrespect THE CLAW. I mean, their fearless leader.

  8. SupesFan misses a few things that seem obvious to me:
    – Alex is not actually “speaking” to Ballmer. In person, he would probably be very reverent. But even still, I fail to see how this plea as written would be seen as rude in any way.
    – Ballmer already knows all the facts. He doesn’t necessarily know the groundswell of public support for bringing the Sonics back that may exist. Posts like this, and the interest they generate, only help build the case that we haven’t moved on from the Sonics, nor will we.
    – This letter is sort of for Ballmer, but it’s really for all of us, to remind us (as if we could forget) that we miss the Sonics, want them back, and that we have been presented with an opportunity that could bring the NBA back to Seattle.
    – Bottom line, chance that this post negatively effects the NBA coming to Seattle: zero. Chance that it helps build the movement coalescing around Ballmer to bring the Hornets here and keeps the local fanbase engaged: greater than zero.

    On the very slight chance that Ballmer is reading this: I concur wholeheartedly, go for it!

  9. You guys are clearly not realizing that SupesFan is a mind reader, and know’s exactly how Ballmer would react to this. While Alex, you’re just, you know, half asian.

  10. “…and a middle school comprehension”

    I believe he means to imply that “Alex likes middle school students”

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