How An Epic Fail Is Born

The team on the left is my fantasy football squad, the Compton Honkies. The team on the right, the South Beach Fear Boners, is that of my opponent, who shall remain nameless.

Take a look at my opponent’s roster. Drew Brees, Adrian Peterson, Chris Johnson, Andre Johnson, Reggie Wayne. You could even throw the Steelers Defense in there, too. Somehow, this team managed to lose to my cast of misfits: Michael Vick, Peyton Hillis, Michael Turner, DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, Jason Witten. I mean those guys aren’t bad by any means. But the Fear Boners boast five legitimate first- or second-round picks. Unheard of.

The story gets better.

Here’s how this loss came to fruition for the Fear Boners. It’s awesome.

Earlier in the year, the owner of the South Beach franchise wanted my quarterback at the time, Tom Brady. So we worked out a deal and I eventually traded him Brady for Jackson and Knowshon Moreno. You’ll notice in the above box score that Jackson, with 32 points, was my leading scorer in this particular matchup. He more or less won me this game all by his lonesome.

You’ll also notice that Brady is no longer quarterbacking for the Fear Boners. That’s because the owner of the Boners decided a few weeks ago that Brees was a better signal-caller than Brady. So off went Brady in a swap straight-up for the Saints’ QB. As you can see, Brees put up 16 points for the Fear Boners. Brady? He put up 25 on his new squad this week. That nine-point differential would have made the final score of our contest a 120-120 tie. South Beach owned the tiebreaker over my Honkies. So Brady would have won the Boners this matchup. Ouch.

But that’s not all.

Prior to acquiring Brees, South Beach’s owner decided he wanted to land quarterback Matt Schaub. His primary goal in obtaining Schaub was to stop me from getting the Texans’ QB. I was trying to make a move for Schaub because Vick was hurt at the time and I was leaning on Donovan McNabb to get me through ballgames. Not cool. So my arch-enemy went and made an offer for Schaub, which was ultimately accepted by his trade partner.

Schaub, however, was severely underutilized for the remainder of the season. With Brady and Brees stealing his PT, Schaub was relegated to the bench. As a matter of fact, he was on the bench for this particular matchup. And how did he respond? He put up 28 points, a figure that, yes, would have been enough to win the Fear Boners this game.

Sigh. I feel bad for my opponent. He didn’t deserve this. But when it comes to fantasy football playoffs, it’s all about survival. One team moves on, one must go home. And for this week at least, the Compton Honkies live to play another day.

3 thoughts on “How An Epic Fail Is Born”

  1. The same reason my fantasy team got blown out. Here’s my squad
    QB – Michael Vick
    RB – Arian Foster
    RB – Ladanian Tomlinson (was Frank Gore….)
    RB/WR – Calvin Johnson
    WR – Mike Wallace
    WR – Terrell Owens

    The rest is pretty pointless, but aside from Vick and Foster no one on this team was worth more than 8 points leaving me with a solid total of 53

  2. I feel bad for no one. Dominated regular season with:

    R. White

    Lost in the first round to the 8 seed. Nice.

  3. Of course you lost, you have 6 running backs and Kenny Britt. The loss should have been no surprise.

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