Confirmed: Mariners’ Non-Firings Are Now News

In case you were wondering, the Seattle Mariners will not be firing general manager Jack Zduriencik.

Here is an unconfirmed short list of some other folks who, like Zduriencik, will also not be fired from their jobs:

  • Barack Obama
  • Ronald McDonald
  • Sienna West
  • Peyton Manning
  • Beyonce
  • Kim Jong-Il

In other news, the sun will likely rise tomorrow. Probably in the east.

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