His name is Dick Fain.
He used to be Softy’s sidekick on 950 KJR, until they gave him the axe, even though I wrote to program director Rich Moore and told him they needed to keep Dick around.
He is an assistant boys’ basketball coach at Mount Rainier High School in Des Moines.
He can make his voice climb three or four octaves when talking about Sue Bird.
Sometimes, he screams.
He is well-coiffed. He probably uses L.A. Looks on that scalp.
The second Google entry when you search for the term “dick fain” reveals a post from this website.
The only known public photo of Dick is attached to this article.
He does not own Dick’s. I’m pretty sure about that. But he probably eats there.
He is a fan of both the University of Washington men’s basketball team and the Gonzaga University men’s basketball team. Which is kind of weird.
According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, there are four definitions of the term “fain.” Those four definitions are: 1) happy, pleased; 2) inclined, desirous; 3) willing; 4) being obliged, constrained, compelled. So he’s either Dick Happy, Dick Desirous, Dick Willing, or Dick Constrained. Three of those are decent porn names. The fourth sounds a little painful.
Dick Fain. Voice of the 2010 WNBA Champion Seattle Storm. And likely the only Dick in attendance for every Storm game this season. Congrats to Mr. Desirous.