For starters, their institution is founded on exclusionary principles. If you’re not Mormon, you’re not welcome. Unless you can run the football. And then we’ll consider allowing you to play for us despite the fact that you’re an outsider. It’s only slightly hypocritical, I suppose, but it’s hypocritical nonetheless. And just generally messed up as a whole. Considering they didn’t allow minorities to attend the university until they found out that, lo and behold, people of color were athletically gifted, I’d say we have reason to call them out for their segregational practices.
Second, you have their fans. I hate their fans. They rank right up there with Boise State fans, who as we all know are the devil. The only difference between BYU fans and Boise State fans is that BYU fans spend their free time petitioning the FCC to take Family Guy off the air. Don’t act like you haven’t done that, BYU fans. We know your tricks.
Third, I really hate the fact that many folks feel that BYU is exempt from being hated. Perhaps it has something to do with their religious background, but whatever. If you’re gonna hate on the likes of USC and Oregon, you might as well hate on BYU, too. Just because they claim to have our Lord on their side doesn’t mean jack sh*t. You can support our heavenly father and still piss on BYU’s ashes. Let’s all say it together: BYU sucks. There, it’s out. Learn to love it. Don’t be shy about hating on these guys. They don’t like you. So why should you like them? Answer: You shouldn’t.
Fourth, we owe them. We owe them big. We had them beat two years ago, then had our victory stolen by an officiating crew that would fear for their safety at a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert. You think our players don’t remember that? We’re gonna stomp into Provo with a gigantic chip on our shoulder and attack the Y on the side of those Cougar helmets like it’s a bulls-eye. I don’t doubt it. I don’t plan on having to eat my words, either. Top to bottom, Washington has the better football team.
You know, BYU could have been great this year. But then their best player went and had sex. Which resulted in his dismissal from the school, and ultimately changed the team’s entire landscape. Sorry you followed through on your primal urges, Harvey Unga. Don’t you know you need a certificate to let Little Harvey expose foreign lands at Brigham Young? It’s called a marriage license, and lucky for you it’s only sort of binding in Provo. Keep that in mind for next time.
It’s on. Like Diddy Kong. I invite the competition from the opponent. I invite the trash talk. I invite the hate. It’s football season, ladies and gentlemen. And the Dawgs are f**king back.