And For An Extra Dollar, A Mariners Navigator Will Cup Your Balls

But soft, what’s this?

Why it’s a University of Nebraska night at Safeco Field. Wouldn’t you know it, it turns out those Cornhuskers are big Mariners fans!

False.

Dear Nebraska, would you like to watch Major League Baseball? Well we can’t offer you that, but we can offer you a deal to a Mariners game. Come on down, we’ll do whatever it takes to sell tickets, including giving discounts to fans of the school that the Husky Football team happens to be playing in September.

The Mariners are trippin’ out like a hooker suffering crack withdrawals, ready to suck anything and everything for a little blow. Hey Chuckie, I’ll buy a whole season’s worth of tickets if your ass retires. You don’t even have to give me a discount. You too, Howard. Get out of town and I’ll do whatever you want, and I ain’t even from Nebraska.

This is a f**king disgrace. This franchise has zero dignity left. Zero.

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