Hyphen18 Is A Bad Joke

Mere hours after getting his ass kicked by the Milwaukee Brewers, Ryan Rowland-Smith was on his Twitter account, telling the world about his plans for the evening:

“Tom Petty concert 2m night! Going with dudes, more of a ‘take ya girl’ kinda concert! Wish she was here now! :(“

An innocent bystander would read this message and have no idea that Rowland-Smith just suffered his seventh loss on the season, dropping his overall record to 1-7. Nor would they realize that Rowland-Smith’s ERA had ballooned by another twenty decimal points, from a rotund 5.98 entering Friday evening to a morbidly obese 6.18 by night’s end.

In spite of yet another crappy outing, The Hyphen apparently felt no remorse for taking home a paycheck he has barely earned this year. At the same time, he had the urge to let the world know that he didn’t really give a damn about his latest underwhelming performance.

Understandably, major leaguers unwind after ballgames in different ways. Within the context of a 162-game season, one cannot expect every defeat to hurt these players, just as one cannot expect players to take solace in every victory.

But come on. This reaction (or non-reaction) to a season gone horribly awry is almost comical. You’re really going to sit here and tell us that you’re headed to a concert right now, Ryan? After that weak-ass outing you just served up?

And really, it’s not even about the concert. You want to go to a concert, fine. I’d probably do the same thing if afforded the luxuries you’ve been afforded.

But that doesn’t mean you go and tell us all about it. F***. You must be born stupid. At least shut up for a few hours and pretend that this loss bugs you as much as it bugs us. Especially after the string of mediocrity you’ve crapped out over the past three months.

I’m pretty sure I take my rec league basketball losses harder than you take your piss-poor pitching performances. And I actually pay to play my sport. Unbelievably, someone in this world sees potential in you as a baseball player and is paying you a hefty ransom to live up to that potential, which you’ve never done. And rather than act like you care about your ineptitude, you slap everyone across the face by not giving a sh*t. What a joke.

There are thousands of fans who pay lots of money to watch you and your teammates play. We realize that sometimes you will win and sometimes you will lose. We just hope that when you win, you enjoy it as much as we do. And likewise, when you lose, we hope you lament the way we do.

Like I said, you can do whatever the f*** you want after your losses. I don’t really care. I just don’t want to hear about it. And I’d imagine that most other Mariners fans feel the same way.

I’m sick of people defending your ass. You spend more time on Twitter than you do worried about your career. Get your sh*t together. You’re a middle-of-the-road soon-to-be-journeyman if you keep this up. You haven’t done sh*t up to this point and you’re not destined to do sh*t from here on out. You don’t throw hard enough to attract many suitors down the line, and you’re wildly inconsistent. There are 18-year-olds who could outpitch you at this point in your career and yet you’re a supposed talent. Talent, my ass. If that’s talent then Clay Aiken ought to be a Grammy winner by now.

And stop using the “I’m a laid-back Aussie” excuse every time you f*** up. You don’t like negativity because you’re an Aussie. You have no worries because you’re an Aussie. I’m sick of that sh*t. I don’t care if you’re from Australia, Antarctica, or Atlanta. If you’re getting paid to play a sport and you don’t give a damn about how you perform, then don’t play. Stop disrespecting the game. Stop disrespecting the fans. Stop disrespecting the jersey you put on each day.

Look Hyphen, if you want respect, you have to respect others. Your endless stream of Tweets, your miserable outings, your relative apathy towards the game, they all add up to one big disrespectful pile of crap laid before the feet of the fan base. I can’t respect that. I don’t expect other Mariners fans to respect that. And I certainly hope you’re not okay with that. I hope you read this and get pissed off. And I hope you turn your career around tomorrow. And I hope you prove me wrong. I’d love to be proven wrong in this instance.

But until you can go out and show us that you’re taking this sh*t seriously, expect more of this. Expect more fans to come out of the woodwork and decry your lazy effort. Expect more fans to spew negativity at you. Expect more fans to be disgusted by you. To be embarrassed by you. To be angry with you.

Because right now you’re nothing more than a bad joke.

Enjoy your f***ing concert.

33 thoughts on “Hyphen18 Is A Bad Joke”

  1. I don’t begrudge him.

    With this level of suckage, it’s better to forget about everything.
    Otherwise, you end up like Donnie Moore…

  2. So you’re saying that if you actually give a damn you’re gonna go off and kill your wife then commit suicide? That might be a hasty generalization.

  3. You, as a Mariner fan, expecting success from any of your players? HA! You are a loser in the first place for even being a Mariners fan. Don’t blame RRS, blame the owners for not being able to sign any good players that would make you happy. You have Felix and Ichiro so be happy with them. That is likely all you are ever going to get pal.

  4. So I’m sitting here wondering why I wasted my time reading this steaming pile of an article. Your mad because Rowland-Smith didn’t sufficiently express his frustrations with his performance on Twitter? Wow, God forbid he have a life outside of baseball, or use twitter like every other freaking person on the planet does.

    Honestly, what pathetically bad post.

  5. Jeremy, I’m gonna have to ask you to get off your knees and refrain from pleasuring The Hyphen.

    Am I mad because RRS failed to sufficiently express his frustrations with his performance on Twitter? No. That couldn’t be farther from accurate, and I’d question whether you actually read what I wrote or just smoked a bowl and imagined you’d seen unicorns on your computer screen.

    I’m upset because, in sports, there is a mentality that when you lose, you express (or at least feign) remorse. You just do. It’s the way the world works. It’s the way things have always been. Whether you actually give a damn that you lost is irrelevant. You probably should care that you lost (and for the sake of fans who pay money to support this team, I would hope that the players cared if they won or lost), but even if you don’t, you pretend. It’s called make-believe.

    What RRS did in broadcasting to the world his plans for the evening following a poor outing was virtually spit in the face of those of us who care if their team wins or loses. You want to go out and celebrate following a crap outing? Fine. That’s fine. I have no issue with that. Just don’t tell everyone. You just don’t do that.

    Let’s say you have a friend that dies. On the day of your friend’s funeral, you might go out and hit up the club at night because you enjoy doing that. But you’re probably not gonna walk up to your friend’s parents and say, “Hey! I know you’re not doing so good right now with this loss and all, but me and some of the guys are going to the club tonight as soon as we’re done with this funeral. Sorry for your loss!” You wouldn’t do that. And that’s a morbid example. But it should get the point across.

    There’s a certain etiquette to losing. RRS, in my mind, violated that etiquette. Does that make him a horrible person? No. I’m sure he’s a great guy. In fact, I’d almost guarantee it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t call him out for something that I deemed inappropriate. You may disagree with me. You may agree with me. But the fact is, you care. So obviously that means something.

  6. Alex,

    OK, you do raise a point there. But I also feel like the article is a big overreaction. It’s not like he was talking about his plans during the post-game interview or anything. Yeah, someone’s Twitter account is pretty much open to the entire world, but it was his personal account. I mean, if he had a Myspace or Facebook that wasn’t private, would you really expect him to “at least feign remorse” on his wall posts, picture comments, etc?

    Now if he was fucking around during the interview or he suddenly let Wak know that he just didn’t care, yeah I’d have a problem with that. But on Twitter? No, I don’t buy that argument.

    And the “friend’s funeral” comparison is a huuuuge stretch. The only way I could even see that example working for an ballplayer is if, for example the guy who took Nick Adenhart’s roster spot last year sent out a series of tweets saying “FUCK YEAH open roster spot! Im gonna get sooo drunk haha its my lucky day!” But it’s a game, not life-or-death. If he struggles bad enough, he’ll be out of a job. But he’s still in the bigs, living his dream, and there’s always next start. So he can be as happy as he wants to be, in my opinion.

  7. “Jeremy, I’m gonna have to ask you to get off your knees and refrain from pleasuring The Hyphen.”

    Stay classy Alex!

    “I’m upset because, in sports, there is a mentality that when you lose, you express (or at least feign) remorse. You just do. It’s the way the world works.”

    No, that’s the way you think the world should work. In the real world, even professional athletes have lives outside of the sport they play. Fans view players as if the sport IS their life, and that’s just not reality. He has a life outside of baseball, and he writes about it on Twitter just like every other single person on Twitter. He doesn’t need to tailor his twitter posts in order to satisfy your emotional need to see that he feels bad about his starts.

    “Let’s say you have a friend that dies. On the day of your friend’s funeral, you might go out and hit up the club at night because you enjoy doing that. But you’re probably not gonna walk up to your friend’s parents and say, “Hey! I know you’re not doing so good right now with this loss and all, but me and some of the guys are going to the club tonight as soon as we’re done with this funeral. Sorry for your loss!”

    Worst. Analogy. Ever. Sports aren’t life and death, they are sports.

    That said, my issue is that you chose to take one twitter post, blow it totally out of proportion, and use it to accuse the guy of not caring. I can’t even fathom how you don’t see the ridiculousness of that. You think he doesn’t care because he doesn’t say so on Twitter? Honestly?

    And apparently, you were so quick to rush off and write this piece of garbage you didn’t bother reading past the first page of his twitter account.

    In response to a fan who had criticized him he wrote, “No worries brother, I was s+#*” After one tough outing he asked his readers, “Who wants to tell me about some tough times in their lives?”, then “Thanks Bro, i will get through this. I’ve never been one to give in!”, then, “I’m in going through a rough patch, and it’s cool when people have a positive outlook on how to deal with things.” then, “Thank u, i will get through this and be stronger cause of it! M’s fans are the best. So stoked to play here!”. After a good start he wrote, “Thanks for all the comments after today, tough loss but felt good to get back to enjoying my job.”

    Maybe if you’d spent half as much time actually reading his twitter, as you did writing this steaming pile of nonsense then you would have figured out that he’s a guy that actually does care a lot about what happens on the field. Sorry if his expressions of frustration aren’t to your liking, but I’m fairly certain that neither he, nor the majority of Mariners fans really give two craps.

  8. Jeremy your gonna have an aneurysm if you don’t relax. Seriously, dude, calm down. It’s a harmless article on a blog. If you can’t get over that, then you need to have your panties checked for sharp objects. Fuck Ryan Rowland-Smith. If the guy was winning ballgames no one would give a shit. Right now he’s the worst pitcher on one of the worst teams in baseball. He deserves to be criticized. Just because your sleeping with the guy doesn’t mean other people can’t have an opinion on him. Give it a rest. Keep it up, Alex. This is good shit.

  9. “Jeremy your gonna have an aneurysm if you don’t relax. Seriously, dude, calm down. It’s a harmless article on a blog.”

    The above also could read, “Alex, your gonna have an aneurysm if you don’t relax. Seriously, dude, calm down. It’s a harmless post on Twitter.”

    I write a response critical of a 900 word article and I’m “freaking out” over a “harmless” article. Mr. Alex here writes a 900 word article stating that a guy was “born stupid”, and accusing him of not caring because of what he said in a single 21 word tweet and it’s “good shit”. Weird.

  10. I hate people who hold professional athletes to a different standard than everyone else. Grow up, for Christ’s sake.

  11. This is just you looking for something to write about – something to be mad about. This is a terrible article, I wish I had the 3 minutes spent reading it back.

  12. You’re right, Alex. Ryan should have given away his Tom Petty tickets and attempted to hang himself instead.

    We’ll keep this post in mind the next time you book-end a bad day at work by going out to have fun with your friends.

  13. Reading these responses I see why the Seattle continuously suck. No expectations from the fans. It’s just a sport, right? No worries mate.

  14. As a Seattle sports fan, I can tell you that other Seattle sports fans would rather have local athletes be their friends than actually go out and win. The fact that an athlete like Rowland-Smith uses Twitter is like a godsend to these people. He bought himself a decade of mediocrity with that Twitter account. If Bobby Ayala had just played during the social networking age…

  15. “No expectations from the fans. It’s just a sport, right?”

    What the f*ck are you talking about? Mariners fans don’t care about players performance because we don’t go out and personally attack players over what they wrote on their twitter?

    I guess the stupid is all too common over here.

  16. Worst post in the history of the internet. Find a new team to cheer for please. Or dedicate yourself to your rec-league basketball, it seems like you get pretty worked up about that.

  17. Alex – You are an incurable, irremediable ass-wart, and a pathetic excuse for a writer. To write a thousand-word response to a single tweet – I think that fact speaks for itself.

    Do you get salaried or otherwise compensated for your work on this blog? If this is indeed your job, I suggest you go home and kill yourself in remorse over this awful, awful post. You’re a far worse writer than RRS is a pitcher…and since you suggest that he be miserable over his performance, you might as well commit suicide. Arrividerci

  18. Alex has jumped off a cliff and is presently deceased. This site is now being run by an outsourced call center in India. We cannot help you any further. You have failed. Please go back. Goodbye.

  19. WELL ALEX, NOTHING SOOTHES THE SOUL LIKE MUSIC…AND TOM PETTY ROCKS!!!…HOPED U ENJOYED RYAN… ALEX, U MIGHT TUNE N SOME TIME, IT MIGHT HELP U 2 RELIEVE ALL THAT PRESSURE???…IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN… 92.9 KISM ROCKS N BELLINGHAM!!!

  20. To all who think “athletes are human beings”,

    Of course they are, dumbasses, but the are PROFESSIONAL athletes. Not softball league players. PROS. And they are getting paid to play sports, or in RRS’s case, suck ass. Millions of dollars to suck ass. So who wants to hear about RRS spending his wasted Mariner money on concerts after terrible outings? If you do you are an untrue Mariner fan. And if that doesn’t piss you off, think of it like this, would or has any other professional athlete who is actually a winner broadcast their post-game celebrations after a terrible game? If you can find one, I guarantee you will find very few that do. And that is way RRS is a joke. He is so used-to/OK/comfortable with losing. And if you can tell me that being a Pro athlete and being used-to/OK/comfortable with losing is “being human” you are completely ignorant. Pro athletes are paid to win, and when you are actually feeling better than ok after outings like his, then you are a disgrace to pro sprots.

  21. “So who wants to hear about RRS spending his wasted Mariner money on concerts after terrible outings?”

    Who’s making you reading it? It’s his personal twitter, and like every other person on twitter he has a right to write about his life outside of the game.

    “And if that doesn’t piss you off, think of it like this, would or has any other professional athlete who is actually a winner broadcast their post-game celebrations after a terrible game?”

    Post game celebration? You realize that not EVERYTHING that happens in a players life relates to baseball right?

    “Pro athletes are paid to win, and when you are actually feeling better than ok after outings like his, then you are a disgrace to pro sprots.”

    Who said he fells okay about losing? It was a 21 word twitter post. Anyone who thinks they can glean some insight into a players competetive fire from one twitter post is an effing moron. Plain and simple.

    What I find more ironic still is that closers are often celebrated for being able to “leave it all on the field”, and “not take it home with them”. I guess that doesn’t apply to starters, or at least doesn’t apply to RRS.

  22. “‘So who wants to hear about RRS spending his wasted Mariner money on concerts after terrible outings?’

    Who’s making you reading it? It’s his personal twitter, and like every other person on twitter he has a right to write about his life outside of the game.”

    Likewise, Jeremy, I think we could ask who’s making you read this.

  23. Jeremy, have you ever played or been on a winning sports team? A team that you actually cared about? Because even on my damn high school basketball team when we lost or played bad to no matter who it was it ruined my night completely. Now to say that I show more passion over a high school basketball game that RRS does for the MLB, that makes him a joke.

  24. I’m not going to bother with you idiots anymore. If you guys want to pretend that you can glean some sort of insight into someones competetive fire because you read a twitter post one time, and watch them on TV then feel free.

    Have fun with your wankfest douchebags.

  25. “Educated Sports Fan,” given the context of his posts, is a hilarious oxymoron.

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