While You Were Playing…

American-born John Isner defeated Frenchman Nicholas Mahut in an eleven-hour marathon tennis match that finally reached its conclusion on Thursday morning.

The epic battle destroyed the record books for longest tennis ever — besting the previous longest match by nearly five hours — and had to be suspended twice — once on Tuesday night, and again on Wednesday night — due to darkness.

Since Isner and Mahut commenced their test of wills on Tuesday morning, I’ve been tabulating all the things I have accomplished while they were merely playing tennis. Let’s begin.

Tuesday morning

-Woke up at 7:30. Got out of bed. Went to the bathroom. Stood in front of the mirror. Uttered a four-letter word.

-Did some light lifting. Showered. Got dressed in my nice clothes (business casual attire) for an out-of-office meeting. Left for work.

-Drove to Tukwila. Found the meeting site. Realized I was very near the ghetto. Went looking for a McDonald’s so I could eat breakfast. Could not find a McDonald’s in the hood. Tweeted about not being able to find a McDonald’s in the hood. Went to the meeting on an empty stomach.

-Left the meeting at 11:30. Sat through mid-morning I-5 traffic. Should have taken I-90 back to Bellevue. Idiotically, took 520 instead. Stopped for a greasy lunch (cheeseburger and fries). Headed back to the office.

Tuesday afternoon

-Got into the office around 12:45. Proceeded to do four-and-a-half hours of work. Drank about four liters of water during that time (my goal each day is six). Used the restroom about five times as a result. Left work at 5:15 for the Mariners game.

Tuesday evening

-Drove to Safeco Field with my buddy Josh. Rode down to the International District to look for free parking. Managed to score a spot at the back end of the dirtiest street in America.

-Was handed a free case (yes, case) of yogurt at a stand on Occidental. Proceeded to eat the yogurt with Josh. Met up with our buddy Matt. Spent close to ten minutes chatting with a homeless guy who a) wanted to talk about Ken Griffey Jr, then b) wanted to tell us about his time in the military, then c) wanted to sell us hardcore drugs, then d) was willing to trade us said drugs for a ride to Olympia. Ultimately, he saluted us (a military salute) at least three times, then walked away in a decent enough mood when we told him we had no interest in driving to Olympia or taking his drugs. Josh gave him a quarter. He was cool with that.

-Got into the stadium right at first pitch. Sat down. Took a picture of a guy in a rainbow-colored shirt with the nappiest mullet you’ve ever seen. Got up to get beer. Sat back down.

-Exchanged rumors we’d heard from mutual friends regarding Angie Mentink’s penchant for hooking up with former M’s players while in college. Continued to drink. Discovered a “value” beer stand on the 100 level, right field area, that sold Busch Light and Miller High Life for the bargain price of $6.75 a pint.

-Discovered that in conjunction with one another, Miller High Life and Bud Light taste exactly the same.

-Cruised through a two-hour ballgame that featured a Jason Vargas gem, a Franklin Gutierrez dinger (all the girls came), and a David Aardsma save. Walked away further convinced that Aardsma’s closer intro is the worst in baseball.

-Noticed the dude wearing the personalized Mariners jersey with HYMAN on the back walking down the block. Proceeded to follow him as Josh ran up behind him and took a picture.

-Managed to fit five human beings into my Mitsubishi Eclipse. Tighter than a Mormon chick on her wedding day.

-Returned everyone to their rightful place in the world. Went home. Slept.

Wednesday morning

-Woke up at 7:30. Got out of bed. Went to the bathroom. Stood in front of the mirror. Uttered a four-letter word.

-Showered. Dressed in my average clothes (jeans, shirt). Went to work.

Wednesday afternoon

-Commenced eight hours of societal productivity. Made the world a better place.

Wednesday evening

-Left work at 5:00 to return to the M’s game, this time with my family as a Father’s Day gift for my dad. Sat in the Hit It Here Cafe outdoor patio. Ordered amazing nachos (the food is much better up there) and one of the 99 beers they serve at the HIHC bar. (Warning: A 20-ounce beer at the HIHC will run you $10.75…but at least it’s quality alcohol.)

-Went to the bathroom. As I’m washing my hands, dude exits a stall, checks me in my Griffey jersey, says, “I’m glad to see you’re not wearing a f***ing Cubs jersey.” I reply, “I feel you on that, these bandwagon Cubs fans are annoying. But at least they’re not Red Sox fans.” He adds, “Or Yankee fans.” I’ve made a friend.

-Witnessed Cliff Lee plant his seed all over the Cubs’ collective faces. The Mariners would make a hell of a National League team. Lee looks like the best pitcher in baseball.

-Returned home from the game. Scribbled this article. Slept.

Thursday morning

-Woke up at 7:30. Got out of bed. Went to the bathroom. Stood in front of the mirror. Gave a cheesy smile.

-Showered. Dressed in my average clothes. Went to work.

-Bounced it to Hot Boyz, Bling Bling, on the way in (old school Lil’ Wayne, back when he was teamed up with Juvenile). Worked a little Jason Derulo into the mix. Got to my office. Headphones.

-Loaded all the necessary work applications, plus Facebook and Twitter. Proceeded to check ESPN.com. Isner and Mahut still at it.

-Rediscovered Tevin Campbell’s I2I (from A Goofy Movie) and Michael Jackson’s PYT on my iTunes playlist. Blasted on replay.

-Began receiving Twitter updates, Facebook status updates, Facebook chats, and text messages on the Isner-Mahut legacy battle. Word came in that it was done. Not even lunchtime yet. I wasn’t expecting this. I wanted another full day, at least. But at least Isner prevailed. Score one for America. And for freedom fries.

4 thoughts on “While You Were Playing…”

  1. I work and coach in Tukwila. There are 2 McDonalds there. And its not as bad as people make it out to be..

  2. “-Woke up at 7:30. Got out of bed. Went to the bathroom. Stood in front of the mirror. Uttered a four-letter word.”

    Amen to that.

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