Oklahoma Bro Rips Seattle, Leaves Evidence, Gets Tracked Down By Me

Sometimes I struggle to find topics to write on. It happens. It’s called writer’s block. Thankfully, the world is populated by morons who give me new material every day, and that’s where our next guest comes in.

A few months ago I wrote this article about how the Mariners would win the American League West. Of course, the season isn’t over just yet, but I was more or less wrong. Winning the division at this point would be a Godforsaken miracle. And thanks for backing me up, by the way, Mariners. I stuck my neck out for you and you bastards let me down. I’m not mad, just disappointed. And disappointment is far worse than anger.

So anyway, if you scroll down to the comments section of that article I just linked, you’ll notice that a dude with the user name SuckItSeattle decided to leave a smart-ass remark earlier this afternoon about how much we suck. What a douchebag, right?

Here’s the context of his comment, for easy reference:

“Great article. This offseason was one of so much drama leading to anxiety for the upcoming season. ‘Seattle is the most improved team in the league. They are the runaway pick for AL West champions.’ This is all I heard for months and months. I couldn’t wait to read things like this and just laugh at people who really believed that. Currently 24-41 and flirting with the worst record in the league, the Mariners once again prove they play in the city with the dumbest fans in the country. I’ll save you a seat for October baseball in Arlington if you want to watch how the big boys play.”

Now usually, I don’t let jerkoffs like this guy get to me, but for some reason, his words just hit me in the right place today. So naturally, being the vengeful Seattle sports fan that I am, I decided to see if this turd left his email address behind when typing up his comment. Lo and behold, he did. And that wasn’t a very smart thing to do.

You see, according to the rules imposed upon me by my site host, I can see a person’s email but I cannot give it out to the general public. And so I won’t give it out to the general public. That information shall remain mine and mine alone.

But nowhere in the rules does it say I can’t do a search of this kid to find his Facebook profile, which I have since done. And nowhere in the rules does it say I can’t bestow the results of my search unto you, my loyal Seattle Sportsnet readers.

And so, in the spirit of civic pride and passion, I give you Kaleb Stuckey, the Texas Rangers fan and Oklahoma native who has given me something fun to write about today. On behalf of the city of Seattle, I implore you to give him absolutely everything you’ve got. Do not let this guy go to sleep without thinking about us. I want him to know what it means to be a sports fan in the Emerald City. Enjoy.

9 thoughts on “Oklahoma Bro Rips Seattle, Leaves Evidence, Gets Tracked Down By Me”

  1. so hey Kaleb, I would just like to let you know that I’m really glad your a complete moron. <3

  2. Makes sense. You know, all those OK fans sure know a shit ton about that Oklahoma MLB team.

  3. Im a Seattle guy. But is this Kaleb kid wrong? This is a city that can not and will not ever win a title in everything. Well, anything relevant. We lost a NBA team for Gods sake! Its downright embarrassing that the only thing we can win is a frickin WNBA title, oh and dont forget womans softball! It does suck to be a Seattle fan. I hate to say it, but the sucker is right. One losing season after another, superstars leave here, entire TEAMS leave here, we cant sign a decent free agent, NO RINGS, TROPHYS, PENNANTS, etc… Its just absolutely miserable

  4. What about all the NFC West Champs we had recently (before two admittedly terrible seasons), Basketball world champs ’79, wnba titles, a few albeit scarce accomplishments from the M’s, Huskies ’91 champs, Last years softball team… point is, there’s plenty of accomplishments.

    We’re just now coming out of a decline with all our franchises. It happens to the best of them. It’s frustrating now, I know. I’m about as die hard Seattle/Washington fan as there is. The thing is, we’re not like blue collar cities. We have a higher than average IQ in the northwest, we have a better economy and we’re consistently in the top ten in almost all quality of life categories for the nation.

    Look at city’s like Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Chicago etc. Lot’s of lower class folks who live and die by their team. They live vicariously through their teams and spend a lot of money in the way of merchandise, tickets, stadium fare etc.

    So while Kaleb has for whatever reason associated himself with the nearest winning team (since he’s not from Texas, he can always ditch the rangers hat and be a Phillies fan at seasons end) and thinks he can rip on our Mariners. I hope you feel good, Kaleb. It won’t be long til my Seahawks are back on track. Either way, life is good in the PNW.

  5. I’ve checked his facebook a few times today, and each time more and more became hidden. And now finally, you can no longer even message him.

    People must have done their job.

  6. I went to Kaleb’s home state for work. What was good about it? The steak, and that’s about it. Most grown men had far less than the requisite number of teeth in their mouths. I know this because as they spoke to me, I recoiled from the alcohol fumes spewing forth. In that small period of time, I could usually count the teeth, usually whittled down to the size of a tiny Chicklet, accompanied by various stains and food enough for another meal. Thank you, Kaleb, for your intelligent and reasoned comments.

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