You Know You’ve Made It When Your Nude Cell Phone Photos Surface

*Note before reading: The following article and attached link ARE safe for work, so long as the word “penis” doesn’t raise any eyebrows around the office. There are no R-rated photos here.

According to, an anonymous source has come forward with a naked cell phone photo of Mariners closer David Aardsma. Yes, really.

The source reportedly contacted local news website with the information, which was then forwarded over to Deadspin. To quote the source directly:

“To whom it may concern:

I have a photo of Seattle Mariners pitcher David Aardsma that may be of interest to your magazine publication. Sent to my phone directly from Mr. Aardsma (camera phone of Mr. Aardsma clearly displayed in the picture itself) showing subject in VERY compromising position (i.e. fully nude). Considering his marital status and prominent position in the Seattle community, this photo necessitates significant attention. Due to the recent media coverage of Tiger Woods’ similar situation, this topic is rather timely & appropriate in nature.

If you have any interest in acquiring this photo, feel free to contact me through this email address. Thank you for your time.


From a social perspective, this is interesting, to say the least.

Aardsma is not nearly the household name of a Greg Oden, Santonio Holmes, or even Grady Sizemore, all three having been compromised by their own interpretive photography. And after the recent rash of naked athletes taking pictures of themselves, another ballplayer who can’t keep his clothes on is hardly shocking.

Perhaps the most mildly amusing thing about all this is that Aardsma is more or less a journeyman relief pitcher (until last year, you could argue) who also happens to be white. This is akin to a naked Brad Lohaus, or even a de-robed Kelly Stouffer. The general public really couldn’t have been more apathetic to your entire existence until this story broke, and even then the response was fairly lukewarm.

It seems that the only person who truly finds this tabloid material titillating is the source who initiated the whole thing. They couldn’t be happier to betray D.A. and share their good fortune with the world. Like Aardsma is the next Tiger Woods or something.

I don’t know, this whole thing escapes me. If the world becomes privy to a nude David Aardsma will anything change? I highly doubt it. Seattle fans might be subject to one less Aardsma bobblehead night in the ensuing years, but that’s about it I’d wager. Eh. I’m gonna go make some breakfast.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s