Ran into my good friend Craig at the Mariners home opener on Monday afternoon, and after the game he emailed me with a few thoughts on some key observances made by a true blue M’s fan. Listen up, Seattle sports fans. This is valuable information.

Point No. 1: The Seat Swap

At the beginning of every game, an announcement is made stating that fans sitting close to the action who feel unsafe due to the potential of balls or bats hitting them can exchange their seats for ones in the upper deck. I’m wondering if anybody has ever done this.

I’m also wondering if there is a list where people with seats like ours today [section 328] can sign up to take the seats of those who leave for safety, in the event that somebody actually does this. It’d be like volunteering to get bumped on an overcrowded flight, except that you get an awesome seat instead of a free flight.

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Point No. 2: The Half-Price Hat

Has there ever been an occasion in which you saw a hat for sale on a 50% off table and thought, “Huh, I wonder why this hat is 50% off?”

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Point No. 3: Red Sucks

I hate red Mariners apparel.

I blame this entire phenomenon on Fred Durst wearing a red Yankees hat and popularizing off-color team apparel.

Red is brash, loud, and aggressive. It can be clearly spotted from across the stadium. This is no doubt why the majority of teams seem to have red somewhere in their color scheme. The result of this is that on any given game, the opposing team’s colors are well represented by fans who are attempting to support the Mariners.

Red has no business in ocean navigation, anyway.

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Craig’s right, you know. Not about one specific thing. About everything. Take note.