Suck It, Buster Olney

I was scrolling through game photos from last night and found this one. Apparently, Chunk from The Goonies is an A's fan.

One game into the season, the Seattle Mariners are on pace for a record-breaking 162-0 2010 campaign. Their win total will shatter the existing regular season mark by a remarkable 46 victories. They will not lose a game.

After scoring an American League low 640 runs a year ago, the M’s are now on pace for a much more respectable 810 runs in this young season. That number would have put them fifth in the AL in 2009.

The pitching and defense, the hallmark of this ballclub, will relinquish just 486 runs on their current pace. That number would far and away be the best in the majors. They will also turn an improbable 648 double plays, accounting for 1,296 outs on the year, or 30% of the total outs made in a 162-game season.

Catcher Rob Johnson is on pace for a record 162 home runs.

First baseman Casey Kotchman is on pace for a record 648 RBI.

Ichiro and Chone Figgins will combine to steal 486 bases, driving pitchers to consider suicide on the mound.

Closer David Aardsma is looking to nail down 162 saves.

Brandon League is attempting to set the team and major league records for wins, with 162.

Ken Griffey, Jr. is trying to outdo former teammate Edgar Martinez with 162 doubles.

It’s not all good news, however.

Milton Bradley and Jose Lopez are each on pace for a record-breaking 324 strikeouts.

Assuming Felix Hernandez pitched every fifth day, as scheduled, he would make 32 starts, allow 192 walks, and strike out just 128 batters. He would finish the year with 32 no decisions and a 4.05 ERA. He would also throw 32 wild pitches.

Ichiro will be caught stealing 162 times. So will Milton Bradley.

Junior will have his struggles with the power numbers. He’ll finish with 0 home runs, 0 RBI, and 0 runs scored. He always has those 162 doubles to fall back on, plus 162 walks, and a robust .333 batting average.

Lopez and Jack Wilson are going to have their scuffles at the plate. Going hitless in 648 at-bats can wear a man down.

Reliever Sean White will allow 324 hits in short relief this year. His ERA will remain at 0.00 in spite of that.

But most importantly is that overall record. 162 wins. Zero losses. Suck it, Buster Olney. You too, naysayers.

4 thoughts on “Suck It, Buster Olney”

  1. We’ve got another FSN “Poindexter” situation.. are we going to hear our first baseman called “Katchman” all year?

  2. This 2010 team is going to break records. They quite simply cannot hit. Three good pitchers and no and I mean no hitting. They are the modern day version of the “hitless wonders”

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