The Oklahoma City Thunder are pretty good these days. Kevin Durant has scored 25 or more points in a bazillion straight games, Russell Westbrook is turning into a superstar point guard, and the team is on pace for 48 wins, which could very well be good enough to get them into the playoffs.
As a Sonics fan, it’s easy to get all worked up over the Blunder’s successes, but why waste the energy?
These are the Zombie Sonics. The Wario to our Mario. Venom to our Spider Man. Kristin Cavallari to our Lauren Conrad.
Just like in the movies, good will prevail in the end and evil will be vanquished. I guarantee you. You can punch me in the face if I’m wrong.
Fact is, even if the Zonics make the playoffs this year, they won’t get past the first round. The Lakers won’t let them. The Spurs won’t let them. The Nuggets, Jazz, and Mavs won’t let them. Doesn’t matter who they play. They’re inexperienced, and they won’t do much against a higher-seeded ballclub.
And think about this. in a few years, when the team should be hitting their stride and actually making something of themselves, all their stars will be free agents who will undoubtedly flee Oklahoma City like fat kids from gym class.
What? You really think Kevin Durant wants to spend the rest of his life in Okieville? You really think Russell Westbrook’s booty calls aren’t gonna be that much better in New York or Miami? You think Jeff Green can’t make more green in the big city? Child, please.
If Bennett’s Bandits can’t even hold onto their own, I guarantee you they won’t be able to pull big time free agents. No LeBrons. No D-Wades. No CPTrees. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Let me tell you something. Unless the white boy makes a comeback in the NBA (unlikely), Oklahoma City won’t be attracting much more than a handful of mid-level exceptions during their failed attempt at franchising. And yes, it will be a failed endeavour.
Within two decades, I picture the following events taking place:
1. David Stern dies. (Not trying to be mean or anything, but by 2030 he’ll either be dead or 88 years old. I’m going with dead, just based on all the stresses he’s endured over the years. Pretty sure the lockout took at least five years from him.)
2. Clay Bennett gets hit by a bus.
3. Kevin Durant becomes a first ballot Hall of Famer with the New York Knicks.
4. Russell Westbrook becomes an All-Star with the Los Angeles Clippers.
5. The Zonics post the worst record in NBA history, circa 2023.
6. The Zonics post the worst attendance figures in the NBA, circa 2020-25.
7. Unable to gain any footing in OKC, the Zonics become the first non-North American NBA team when they move to China, fulfilling David Stern’s dying wish.
Oh yeah, and somewhere in there Seattle gets a new franchise that comes along, rekindles the Sonics name and history, and spanks the Zonics from existence the same way a welfare mom spanks her child in Wal-Mart. It’s harsh, but it’s reality.
Karma, folks, karma. In the end, you do bad things and bad things are gonna catch up to you. The Oklahoma City Thunder are the walking definition of a bad thing, and one day they’ll get bitten in the ass because of it.