For those you of who witnessed all or part of Bob Costas’ interview yesterday with Mark McGwire (broadcast originally on MLB Network, but clipped on nearly every media outlet), you were likely wondering the same thing as me: What’s up with Big Mac’s neck?
Like a human lava flow gone terribly awry, McGwire appears to be disintegrating between the shoulders and head, and you have to wonder if this has anything to do with steroids.
The rest of McGwire looks fine, normal even, and his face shows no sign of melting. Back in the day, McGwire was plagued by an acne problem, but that seems to have subsided for now.
To help brainstorm possible causes of McGwire’s skin issue, I’ve created this short list of explanations:
1. He’s part snowman.
2. He has the same disease as Erik Stoltz in Mask.
3. He is Erik Stoltz, but wearing a real-life mask and on steroids.
4. He accidentally injected steroids into his neck.
5. He overused the neck press at the gym, bulked up to the point of no return, then watched as his neck muscles collapsed under the strain of the added weight.
6. He was choked out by the Human Torch.
7. He absorbed a round of bullets entirely with his neck.
8. He’s part sponge.
9. He has a textured rash, the likes of which we’ve never seen before.
10. All the HGH he used went straight to his neck, then backfired.
11. He had a fat neck, couldn’t lose the weight, had neck stapling surgery, and this is the result.
Whether or not McGwire’s neck problem has anything to do with steroids or HGH is irrelevant. We can just assume that both drugs are involved, then use Big Mac as the “After” picture of the effects of performance-enhancing drug use. “See, kids. If you use steroids, your neck will look like that.”