Seriously, I do not have to listen to all the broadcasters in the history of the world to know that Gesser is the worst. He just is. By any measure imaginable. He is the weakest link.
So bad that I actually switched away from the 4A state football championship because I could not stomach listening to him. Did you hear that, FSN? I would rather watch reruns of The Office on TBS — a show which I own on DVD — than endure two hours of Jason Gesser’s voice. Because he is that effing bad.
I know. It sounds hyperbolic. Like this is some sort of ridiculous exaggeration. No commentator could be so insanely bad that it would force you to tune away from a ballgame you would otherwise be watching. But sadly, it is true.
Gesser has ruined games for me in the past, destroyed halftime shows, made a mockery of sideline reporting. Everything he has touched has turned to coal. The man is Rogue from X-Men. He touches you, and you die. That’s Jason Gesser.
If you need further proof of his poisonous nature, look no further than the Eastside Catholic football team.
A year ago, under the direction of head coach Bill Marsh, the Crusaders went 9-2 and were in contention for the 3A state title. This season, with first-year coach Gesser at the helm, Eastside Catholic dropped to 4-6 and was dismal from start to finish. The team lost its final game of the year to Juanita by a score of 54-26. Ordinarily, you’d encourage a guy like Gesser — who only moonlights as a broadcaster — to not quit his day job. But unfortunately, he sucks at that, too.
This sounds like a complete indictment on the former Cougar quarterback, and in many ways it is. But Gesser isn’t entirely to blame. The network he works for has no commitment to talent, and showcases little pride in their work as a result. Outside of Nicole Zaloumis, of course.
The fact is, it is hard to root for Fox Sports when they give you such little return value on your investment, in this case the time spent watching their programming. Local sports fans can only hope and pray that the Pac-10 can somehow worm their way out of their television contract with the Los Angeles-based network. With a new commissioner at the helm, the possibility of such a maneuver seems more realistic than ever.
On a local level, the departure of the Pac-10 to another network would severely cripple Fox Sports Northwest. Think about it. Outside of the Mariners, the Pac-10, and the occasional high school sporting event they have absolutely nothing to televise. Without the Pac-10, they’d have six months and countless hours of dead air-time. They’d be driven into the ground. And it would be absolute justice to all of us who have been plagued by their smug complacency.
Gesser may be just one of a number of on-air ‘talents’ who benefit from FSN’s laissez-faire attitude towards their employees’ abilities, but he is perhaps the epitome of what they stand for. Or, perhaps, what they don’t stand for.
He has a voice that strains the eardrums, a giggle that borders on sadistically insane, lacks knowledge on the subject matter, overdoes the homerism, and basically makes you reconsider your love of sports every time you turn on your TV and he’s there. If the likes of Dave Niehaus, Bob Rondeau, Kevin Calabro, and Steve Raible are the poon, then Jason Gesser is the anti-poon.
Dear FSN, if you want to do us a favor, get the anti-poon off the air. We’ve had it. All of us. Huskies, Cougars, Ducks, Beavers, everyone. It’s the only thing we can all agree on. Jason Gesser has got to go.