Short Drops

Out of sheer anger, we've posted the most embarrassing Chip Caray photo we could find.
Out of sheer anger, we've posted the most embarrassing Chip Caray photo we could find.

A series of short rants and raves on various topics in sports. For your perusal.

Playoff baseball on TBS has got to stop. MLB is just shooting themselves in the foot by partnering with Turnervision for this monstrosity that they call a broadcast. Chip Caray can’t tell a hit from an out, and Dick Stockton is like 90 years old. In protest and mock jest of their pseudo-competition, ESPN should compile all of Caray’s and Stockton’s flubs at the end of the night and play them in rapid-fire succession, meshing a “Boom goes the dynamite!” track between each faux pas. Or just devote the entire Not Top Ten to them.

***

How come TBS hasn’t cranked up How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days for a two-week marathon run yet? They’ve got the perfect lead-in with their A-Rod/Kate Hudson lovefest each night, and what better way to capture the female demographic, am I right? To be honest, I’m a little surprised that Alex and Kate are still together. Apparently he hasn’t figured out that she doesn’t have boobs, and she hasn’t realized that he’s a total douchebag. Where’s Madonna in all this, anyways? This relationship they have going on is starting to resemble Jim and Pam. We need some fire.

***

John Gruden was forced to the hospital on Monday night for an erection lasting longer than four hours. If you’re Gruden, you don’t need performance-enhancers to obtain a raging hardon. All you need is Brett Favre.

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I’m sick of refs, umps and officials no longer being held accountable for their actions. Lately, the men in stripes have been screwing everything up, from the missed hit-by-pitch call in the Tigers-Twins one-game playoff, to an incorrect reversal of a touchdown in the Washington-Notre Dame game. Not only is no one allowed to criticize the officials, but the officials themselves are never questioned for their incorrect rulings. Now, with the NBA utilizing replacement refs, we’ll probably pay witness to some historically bad calls that will undoubtedly be brushed to the side by all parties involved.

***

The WNBA: It's FAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN-less.
The WNBA: It's FAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN-less.

I’m pretty sure the WNBA Finals are going on right now. But who really knows for sure. Or cares.

***

The UFL is pretty entertaining. You’ll see guys you haven’t seen for a couple years (like Las Vegas safety Tony Parrish, for example) and get to watch dudes in goofy, XFLish jerseys try and kill each other to get noticed by the NFL. It’s got a higher talent level than college, positions a camera and a mic in the team huddle and on the sidelines, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. All in all, this could be a success.

***

Off topic: There should be a hefty fine for merging out of the Mercer Street exit lane on I-5 South in downtown Seattle. I’d say upwards of $10,000 would be fair. Every single day there is nearly an accident when some idiot tries to bail on the Exit Only and instead holds up traffic for five minutes while they weigh their options. If the state patrol wants some extra cash, they just need to position a cop car immediately after the exit and pull people over by hand. I would love to see that.

***

He's like an Asian James Dean.
He's like an Asian James Dean.

Off-topic #2: Remember when Jon was the good guy in the whole Jon and Kate saga? Everyone used to hate on Kate for being a bitch and hitting her husband and yelling at her kids and all that, and Jon was just a saint trapped in a loveless marriage. Well now he’s out of that loveless marriage and all of a sudden he’s the villain. We don’t like Jon anymore because he’s off doing things with his ears pierced and getting it on with strange girls and basically being a dude. Come on. Seriously? Sure, those kids are going to be effed up to all hell by the time they hit their twenties, but let’s at least remember whose side we’re really on here. It’s all about Jon Minus Nine. Never forget that.

***

Sort of off-topic: There are these amazing nachos that they sell at Husky football games that are apparently at one concession stand and one concession stand only. They reside near the main entrance towards the middle of the closed end of the stadium. I have only seen these nachos, never eaten them. Tomorrow, I intend to search and destroy. Any necessary info on these supernachos would be appreciated. Thank you.

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