Woke up this morning remembering every detail of my dream in complete clarity. To call this the greatest dream ever is an understatement. At the very least, we need to refer to it with unnecessary capitalization of letters (EVER!).
So here’s the premise.
I’m stuck in Eugene, Oregon for whatever awful reason and find my way into a basketball arena where I’m quickly trapped along with about 20,000 or so other people.
Unbeknownst to everyone else (but beknownst to me, even though beknownst isn’t a word) we are here to be killed. Killed by none other than University of Oregon basketball coach/diabolical genius bent on world domination Ernie Kent.
Using Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford as a robot weapon of mass destruction, Kent has plotted to have us all murdered for his pure enjoyment (his motive is not made entirely clear to me, though at this point in my dream I’m in that “act first, ask question later” mode).
Acting quickly as Kent walks into the arena, I began chanting “ERNESSSSTO” at the top of my lungs. Overwhelmed by the desire to pick on Ernie Kent, everyone in the arena joins in with the chant.
This infuriates Kent and he gives me the death glare before attempting to calm everyone in attendance. This only inspires louder chanting, and Kent realizes he’s quickly losing control of the situation.
To make matters worse (well, worse for Kent, better for me) I spot Kent’s illegitimate white son named Greg sitting in the audience.
“Look everyone!” I shout. “It’s Greg Kent! GREGESSSSSTO!”
The crowd gleefully shifts their attention from the father to the illegitimate white son, chanting “GREGESSSSSTO” at the younger Kent.
Fearing the worst, Ernie slips out a back door as I realize this is our chance to escape.
“Come on, everyone!” I yell. “We need to get out of here, he’s going to kill us!”
Panic ensues as women begin screaming and a horde of people head for the exits.
At this precise moment, Ernie Kent returns with assistants and guns, prompting people to move even quicker towards the doors. Unfortunately for Ernie, the guns are broken and everyone escapes unharmed into the cool, Eugene night.
Chalk one up for Washington. Down with the Ducks! Greatest dream EVER!