Caster’s A Man, Yeah?

Man or woman? Yes.
Man or woman? Yes.

By now, you may have heard about female track superstar Caster Semenya. Semenya, for those who don’t recall, is the South African middle-distance runner that produced an earth-shattering, record-breaking time in the women’s 800m relay in August.

Semenya, who had her gender questioned openly by officials, underwent tests to determine whether she was, in fact, a woman. The results of those tests were not expected to be released until November, which led many pundits to question how hard it is to tell the difference between a penis and a vagina.

But soft! Just weeks since Semenya’s inspection, word has leaked out that the muscle-bound freak of nature is actually a hermaphrodite, better known to you and me as a he-she.

Semenya, who reportedly has no womb or ovaries (don’t most women need those?), is being labeled as “intersex,” which means that she is a he, or he is a she, or it is an it, depending on your point of view.

The governing bodies of athletics are now faced with a tough decision: Do they let Semenya go on competing against women? Or should they force Semenya to compete against men? Or, better yet, should they create an entirely new division of sport for individuals with ambiguous genitalia? (The Ambiguous Genitalia Olympics would be perfect viewing material for ESPN 8, The Ocho.)

No matter what they decide, Semenya is likely to continue racing regardless. At only 18 years of age, he or she has a bright future ahead of itself.

Jermaine or Caster? Yes.
Jermaine or Caster? Yes.

Though, in fairness, the road likely won’t be an easy one for the track star.

Not when your name is an acronym for, “A Secret Man? Yes.”

Or when your last name has the word “semen” in it.

Or when your name sounds like, “Caster’s a man, yeah?”

Or when you look like former ’80s one-hit wonder Jermaine Stewart.

The Stewart resemblance has to hurt the most. That was uncalled for. My bad.

2 thoughts on “Caster’s A Man, Yeah?”

  1. Funny article, but two mistakes:
    1)it’s an 800 meter race, not a relay
    2)the word you’re looking for is anagram, not acronym

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