Julius Jones Will Rip Off Your Gonads And Shove Them Down Your Throat (aka The World Hates Seattle)

Seahawks Camp FootballIf you need another excuse to hate people who hate you, just go ahead and read this.

This is a writeup by a reader of the sports satire site Deadspin.com explaining why the Seattle Seahawks — and our entire city, for that matter — sucks.

The author goes by the name “Kevin K.” and is apparently from Canada. Hmm. I thought they were a passive people.

Anyways, the guy pulls no punches in his criticism of our fair city, and even goes so far as to point out Seattle’s “superiority complex.” What, like being better than you should go unrecognized or something?

Kevin K.’s fatal flaw is that he defends Ty Willingham by cursing Jim Mora (weird), then goes on to chastise our beer. An interesting tactic from an angry Canuck, who would seem pacified by any and all forms of sudsy goodness. Sorry, but we don’t carry Molson Ice in these parts.

Though the folks at Deadspin allow for this monstrosity to reach print, their only real contribution is a potshot at Julius Jones for being “horrible.” I would argue that Jones is average to slightly above-average but hasn’t been afforded the opportunity to have success yet. Oh, and he will also kill you for making that remark. He may not be able to find the end zone, but I guarantee you he can find your gonads, rip them off, and shove them down your throat.

4 thoughts on “Julius Jones Will Rip Off Your Gonads And Shove Them Down Your Throat (aka The World Hates Seattle)”

  1. That was AWESOME! It had it all. A brain dead rant of insults. A canadian getting out of his comfort zone and being a jerk. The word ‘Fucktard’.

    The only thing missing was some type of conspiracy theory. Something like- Obama and the Kenyan Mafia have been using Microsoft e-mail to deposit 10 million in your bank account so old ladies can be killed by death panels. Excellent.

    In response I say..”You are right. We are superior and we do ROCK!”

    Now let’s all go to Vancouver and motorboat some strippers.

  2. Ahhhh Canadia. A glorious place to visit between the ages of 19 – and the week before your 21st birthday.

  3. Also, this guy can’t even get his fact straight. In 1999 we didn’t have Matt Hasselbeck claiming we “take the ball & we’re gonna score”. I believe that was 2004. In 99 we had Jon Kitna leading us to a home wild card game loss vs. the Dolphins, which I believe was the last game ever played at the Kingdome & was also Marino’s last win. Stupid Canadians, eh!!!

  4. Thanks , I’ve recently been searching for info about this subject for ages and yours is the best I have discovered till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?

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