Hayek-Decker Toss-Up Creates Problems
We’ve all seen it before: The savvy vet versus the hot, young up-and-comer. Do we side with experience, or lend ourselves to the exuberance of youth?
These are two questions we’ll need to answer in selecting a winner in this pick-em matchup of the Triple Hops Brewed Region.
Our veteran is Salma Hayek, a leading lady of the silver screen who has the benefit of age, wisdom, and a pronounced chest to her credit. Hayek took a one-year hiatus from the tourney in ’08, but prior to that had been in the field of 64 for every single Bigger Dance.
The overzealous youngster trying to disrespect her elders with a victory is Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker. She’s a first-timer in the Bigger Dance and trying to make a splash in her debut.
No sure thing here, but we like the rookie in this one. Expect big things from Brooklyn Decker in the upset.
Breaking down the rest of the region:
Nicole Scherzinger vs. Vanessa Hudgens. Hudgens, of High School Musical fame, was a first-round exit in her only previous appearance in the Bigger Dance in 2008. Scherzinger, of musical group The Pussycat Dolls, is a newcomer making her Bigger Dance debut. If pre-pubescents had a vote, Hudgens might win. But this is an adult’s tournament, so give the W to Scherzinger.
Jessica Biel vs. Danica Patrick. Patrick might be able to handle a stick, but it’s Biel who really revs our engine. The Indy Car racer might stand a chance against almost any other competitor, but a tough draw can’t salvage Patrick’s first-round exit. Biel rolls.
Adriana Lima vs. Marisa Tomei. You may have seen Tomei naked in The Wrestler, but consider that career move a desperation three at the buzzer. Supermodel Lima gets near-naked for a living and combines youth and experience with the ability to wear down the aging Tomei. Give this one to Lima, no contest.
Brooke Burke vs. Kate Beckinsale. Flip a coin on this one. Burke and Beckinsale are two on-the-cusp hotties battling for the right to get crushed by Adriana Lima in Round 2. We give the edge to Burke, but that’s only because Beckinsale is British.
Sarah Palin vs. Eva Mendes. Sarah Palin may as well have won a play-in game to reach this tournament. If you didn’t laugh upon seeing her name in your bracket, maybe you better go back and recheck your picks. Eva Mendes, on the other hand, is a perennial all-star in the Bigger Dance and should hand Palin her second huge defeat of the past six months. Mendes wins.
Reese Witherspoon vs. Halle Berry. If this were a battle of cuteness, then Witherspoon might stand a chance. But up against the eternally sexy Halle Berry in the first round, Witherspoon might as well pack her bags and head home right now. A lock to move on, Berry handles her business and takes this one.
Gisele Bundchen vs. Melissa From The Bachelor. Mrs. Tom Brady versus The Ex-Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Who Was Dumped On National Television. If Melissa intends to win this ballgame, she’s going to need to get kicked off of Dancing With The Stars and really appeal to the soft spot in everyone’s heart. Otherwise, expect an all-out blitz from Bundchen as the quarterback’s wife marches onto the Round of 32.