I said I was going to boycott the Sounders until Vini Oliveira returned, but I had to issue a reprieve for this. While perusing the sports blogs on SeattleTimes.com, I noticed that the Sounders FC blog made a reference to one “Peter Vagenas.” This must be some kind of joke, I thought to myself, because “Peter Vagenas” is just a terribly unfortunate name. But upon further review, I came to discover that Peter Vagenas did in fact exist, and played midfield for our local soccer team no less.
I feel bad for Peter Vagenas. He is blessed with a train wreck of a name. If he were a college basketball player, he would endure night after night of torment. Luckily, he plays in the MLS, where fans are generally good-natured and sit far enough way from the action that they can’t pepper the opponent with witty insults. When they show up, that is.
Vagenas, for his part, has a good case against his parents should he ever choose to sue them for naming him so poorly. I guess there’s nothing they could have done about “Vagenas.” But Peter, really? That’s like if Maurice Cheeks named his kid “Butt.” It’s just plain cold-blooded. The only thing worse would be if they had named him “Dick” or “Sandy.” Maybe they made a list of the top three worst names they could give a kid with the last name “Vagenas,” then whittled it down to “Peter.” Maybe they just hate kids. Maybe Peter was a mistake, who knows. Maybe “Vagenas” is pronounced completely different than what it looks like (“Uh, yeah, it’s actually pronounced ‘uh-HAY-nus’….the ‘V’ is silent, and it’s a soft ‘g’…”).
Anyways, if we do opt to give the Sounders more coverage this year (after the whole Vini Oliveira debacle, it’s a bit of a soft spot here on SSN), we’re going to have to figure out a way to incorporate Peter Vagenas into a segment. I’m thinking “The Vagenas Monologues.”
*Peter Vagenas image courtesy The Seattle Times.