NFL News: Kitna wants his own Jessica, and what about Tyler Thigpen?

I mean, who doesn't want to get with this?
I mean, who doesn't want to get with this?

Jon Kitna has been traded to the Dallas Cowboys, and we all know why.  You think Tony Romo would ever have scored with Jessica Simpson were he not the Cowboys QB?  I don’t think so.  Which means a guy like Kitna should be nothing short of pleased that he’s headed to the Big D, where he’ll have his chance to rub elbows with the elite and try and bag a Jessica of his own.  Sure, he may be married with a family, but come on.  This is the NFL.  We all know what goes in those five-star hotel rooms.  Especially as a Dallas Cowboy.  Good luck to Kitna on his quest.

Oh, and more thing.  As a bonus, Kitna gets a free pass out of Detroit, where football goes to die.  Talk about your all-time biggest momentum shifts.  You think he can project a ten-win season now?

What about Tyler Thigpen? Fantasy football owners everywhere cringed yesterday when it was announced that Matt Cassel had just been traded to the Kansas City Chiefs.  Great news for Cassel owners, but terrible news for proprietors of one Tyler Thigpen.  Thigpen, coming off his sophomore season in KC, put together a great 2008 campaign as a starter for the Chiefs.  Billed as Kansas City’s quarterback of the future, and one of the up-and-coming signal-callers in the league, Thigpen appeared headed for stardom.  That is, until yesterday.

With Cassel’s arrival, Thigpen has quickly become one of the best backups in the league.  Which is especially disconcerting to the aforementioned fantasy football owner.  Take my friend Pete, for example.  Pete has been trying to pawn Thigpen off on someone, anyone all offseason in our keeper football league.  Currently, Pete has Thigpen entrenched as his (or, possibly someone else’s, should they make an offer) quarterback of the future.  Now all of a sudden, he’s out a QB and down a commodity.

The forgotten Tyler Thigpen
The forgotten Tyler Thigpen

Forget Kansas City.  The impact of this deal is reverberating all around the globe.  Cassel owners rejoice, Thigpen owners lament.  This is like having a company you own stock in suddenly get bought out by a conglomerate that plans to shut your stock’s company down.  It’s a cold-blooded move by the Chiefs, and one that is surely worth an investigation.  Down with Matt Cassel!

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