Traitor! Brian “B.D.” Davis is a traitor! You may remember him as the guy who epitomized the mediocrity of FSN, the hyperactive joke of a broadcaster who either made you laugh at how insanely bad he was at his job, or cry because you were forced to watch him make a mockery of his profession. That’s B.D. These days, you may wonder where Davis has gone in the past year. Well wonder no more, we’ve uncovered the answer for you. Brian Davis, traitor of traitors, is now the TV play-by-play man for none other than the Oklahoma City Cloudfarts, Bennett’s Band of Jovial Losers, the Hijack City Blunder. Son of a B.
It’s not like we really miss B.D. or anything. But it just seems odd that a guy who so ingrained himself as part of the Seattle community would up and leave, taking off for the Dark Side so easily. Davis was the Alaskan Way Viaduct, or the Seattle Center’s Fun Forest. Like other Seattle fixtures gone awry, B.D. was so horribly bad, so miserably insoluble that he became a fabric of our being. Davis was the Steve Urkel to our Laura Winslow, the Jonathan Quail Higgins to our Thomas Magnum, Anthony Michael Hall to our coming-of-age ’80’s movie. Love him or hate him, you relied on the nuisance that was Brian Davis to be there when you clicked on Fox Sports Northwest. But no longer.
Now, B.D. is little more than a memory. Skipping town faster than a traveling con man, Davis has taken his act to Oklahoma City where the moronic faithful have yet to warm up to his quirky persona. On Thunder message boards (which there are about three of), the feelings for B.D. are lukewarm at best. One Thunder blogger went so far as to compare Davis to Sonics broadcaster Kevin Calabro, hailing K.C. as the end-all, be-all in the announcing world (which he is) and Davis as a wannabe rookie with the deck stacked against him (which he is).
The only positive in the entire Sonics debacle may just be the broadcaster situation we ended up with when all was said and done. Bennett and his band of thieves wanted Calabro to follow the team to Okieland; instead they were spurned by K.C. and had to settle for Davis, who likely would have called games for free if asked. That’s like going out for filet mignon, and instead eating poo. If Calabro is big league, then Davis is the borderline retarded kid on your Little League team digging holes in right field.
Now, Calabro is Seattle’s broadcaster extraordinaire, willing to call games for any local team in need of his services, and set to take over as THE guy for the Seattle Sounders FC when they debut in March. Davis, meanwhile, is plaguing a fledgling franchise and its fans with his ADHD, gleaming chrome dome, and Godawful play-by-play calling.
I can face facts. Ultimately, we lost the war when our former Sonics took off for OKC. There’s no denying that. We would do anything, absolutely anything, to have our team back. But in search of any positives to take away from our loss, we did win one small battle. We got rid of Brian Davis, and like a bad venereal disease passed him off on our enemies, sending him to Oklahoma on the back of a Trojan horse. When all is said and done, we may not be winners. But when it comes to B.D., we got those Okies pretty darn good. In your face, Oklahoma.
*Side note: Got a Brian Davis joke for you. Brian Davis is so ugly that there are only three pictures of him on the internet. And that’s the actual truth. Which means we’ve likely made history by placing all three of those images in a single article, here at Seattle Sportsnet. Someone forward this to B.D.