PSA: So when the digital transition hits, will FSN go off the air?

Just a reminder to all our readers: Join us this afternoon at 2:30 PM for a live, in-game, interactive blog on the UW-ASU game on FSN. It’s a lot of fun, and we can enjoy the horrible announcing together. Who loves you? Seattle Sportsnet loves you…but not in that way…unless you want it to be in that way, and then we’re willing to talk.

Here at Seattle Sportsnet we consider it our duty to provide you with public service announcements from time to time. Which is why we’re here to tell you about the digital television broadcast transition that will be taking in place in February. It seems like everyone else is trying to get the message across (“HEY DOOFUS, IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS, YOUR OLD-ASS TV SET IS ABOUT TO STOP WORKING!”), so we’ll go ahead and join in the celebration.
For the five or six of you left that still get your television feed through rabbit ears or a rooftop antenna, bad news: in less than a month, your TV will no longer work. Not that it matters, you really only get about six stations right now anyways. And half of those are covered in static. So what difference does it make, right? I could tell you how to fix the problems you will undoubtedly incur when you can no longer watch your favorite soap operas or Judge Judy, but I’m willing to bet that you’re not using the internet either. Which means you’re not reading this. Damn.
Nevertheless, I’m here to expose a few myths regarding the digital transition, your favorite sports TV stations, and you. For those of you who may not be feeling entirely comfortable with the uncertainty that lies ahead, we’re here to help.

Myth #1: ESPN 8, “The Ocho,” will make its long-awaited debut following the transition. No confirmation from ESPN on this, but word out of Bristol is that Craig Ehlo has been hired to broadcast games on the pending almost-sports network. If he’s almost a broadcaster, ESPN 8 has got him.

In no way affiliated with Chad Ocho Cinco, who’s almost a wide receiver these days.

Myth #2: FSN will go off the air when the transition occurs.
Not true. While FSN primarily airs games in the weakest standard definition signal known to man, and on top of that refuses to utilize local Comcast channel 627 (aka FSN HD), the transition will in no way impact their underwhelming broadcast.

Myth #3: Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe will be censored during all telecasts following the switch. Though your picture may be clearer after the digital transition, Shiancoe (who, along with Lil’ Visanthe, was caught on Fox’s cameras fully nude in the locker room following a Vikings game) will not become a casualty of the FCC’s increasingly harsh regulations. Things that are under consideration for full-time censoring by the FCC: Pinocchio’s nose, Kim Kardashian’s ass, Tajuan Porter’s left ear, Adam Morrison, Chris Berman’s jokes.

Jiminy ain’t having any, and neither are you.

I hope that clears things up for everyone. If you have any questions, feel free to ask away, otherwise good luck with the transition, and happy viewing!

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