The Lookalike List

Over the years, it may have come to your attention that certain athletes resemble other famous people we all know and appreciate. That’s why we’ve created the lookalike list, a collection of athletes who bear a striking resemblance to another public figure we recognize. We’ll revisit this list from time to time, but for now, here are five athletes who can’t seem to distinguish themselves from their celebrity lookalike.

Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona Cardinals receiver, aka Giant Lil’ Wayne. Ever wonder what rapper Lil’ Wayne would look like if he didn’t spent most of his time high on a combination of drugs, ate regular meals, and had never shot himself in the chest? Look no further than wide receiver extraordinaire Larry Fitzgerald, who resembles Dr. Evil next to Lil’ Wayne’s Mini-Me. Take Fitzgerald, place him in a refugee camp for a month, cover him with tattoos, cap his teeth with a grill, then reenter him into society and try to tell him apart from Lil’ Wayne. It just couldn’t be done.

Quincy Pondexter, Washington Huskies forward, aka Wayne Brady. You used to watch Whose Line Is It Anyway? and found yourself gravitating towards that magical Wayne Brady. He could sing, he could dance, he could make white people laugh, he was the total package. Then one day, you tuned into Chappelle’s Show on Comedy Central and, OMG!, there’s that clever Wayne Brady teamed up with Dave Chappelle. But soft, what’s this? Wayne Brady shooting people? Wayne Brady pimping his hoes? Wayne Brady going 187 on the po-lice? What’s the deal here?

Then one day, being the Husky Basketball fan that you are, you watch that mesmerizing Quincy Pondexter playing basketball. He can shoot, he dish, he can play defense, he’s the total package. But let me tell you something about Quincy. You mess with him off the court, you rag on his abilities, and he can turn on you faster than Wayne Brady turned on Dave Chappelle. Is Quincy Pondexter gonna have to choke a bitch?

Mark Few, Gonzaga Head Basketball Coach, aka Mr. Hand. You’re a product of the ’80’s and you just can’t seem to put your finger on who that Mark Few resembles. An actor, you’re sure, but you can’t remember which one. You comb your library of old-school films but can’t seem to crack the code.

Then one Sunday afternoon, you’re watching the watered-down version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High on TBS (meaning no Phoebe Cates, no boobs, no sex). You get to that first school scene, the one where Spicoli (Sean Penn) walks into history class late, and you finally have your answer. Mark Few is Mr. Hand, the history teacher that torments Spicoli through his entire senior year of high school. I’ve heard that the Gonzaga basketball season doesn’t fully get underway until Mark Few walks into the locker room, writes “I DON’T KNOW” on the chalkboard, underlines it, and then stands in front of his players looking for answers.

Taylor Rochestie, Washington State Cougars guard, aka McLovin. I imagine that the first time Taylor Rochestie ever got laid, he proudly announced to the world “I got a boner!” before rounding second base. Such is the life of the Cougar guard, who more closely resembles the teenaged nerdy underdog from the movie Superbad, than a Division I basketball player. If we can get Rochestie to trim his moptop and sport some glasses, we’ll be in business. If we can get him to dress in a white button-up, tan vest, and slacks (“You look like Aladdin”), then we may have a perfect match.

Brandon Morrow, Mariners pitcher, aka Voldemort. Maybe Morrow just happened to be the victim of one of the worst headshots of all-time, but if you went to an M’s game last year and saw the right-hander’s image on the big screen, you might have thought you were looking at the spitting image of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Children flee in his presence, wizards crumble before him, batters buckle at his curveball. Yes, Brandon Morrow may not be the most photogenic baseball player in history, but he does bear a striking resemblance to the villain of the Harry Potter stories, making him our most feared lookalike of all.


If you have a lookalike that you think should be on our next list, email us at seattlesportsnet@gmail.com.

7 thoughts on “The Lookalike List”

  1. Vinny Del Negro = Luke Wilson
    Lawrence Frank = Doogie Howser, MD
    Dirk Nowitzki = Barry Pepper
    Latrell “Choke-artist” Sprewell = Samuel L. Jackson
    Zach Randolph = Darius McCrary

  2. Jerome Randle = Tracy Morgan

    Texas Southern Coach = Warren Sapp (which I may or may not have called to his attention from the Dawg Pack)

    Tim Floyd = the dad from Malcolm in the Middle (though Tim is notably sweatier)

  3. Trent Johnson was purposely left off the list. Over the years, I’ve let him have it pretty good, but he is a native Seattleite and an all-around decent guy besides that so he gets a free pass.

    One other player that I wanted to put on the list but didn’t is Lorenzo Mata-Real, ex-UCLA Bruin forward. You could draw up any number of lookalikes for LMR, and really, pinning him on just one alias would be an injustice.

  4. Spencer Hawes = Michael Phelps.

    I read on truehoop that some lady went up to him at a restaurant and said she was very impressed by him in the olympics and wanted his autograph. All his teammates were there and when he said he wasn’t Michael Phelps they told the lady he actually was MP and told him not to be a jerk.

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