Why are you reading this? It’s Inauguration Day.

Because I know very few people will read this, I offer you some random digressions on sports that I’ve put together. Enjoy.

-Why hasn’t an opposing team’s fans ever started chanting “You are Gay!” at Rudy Gay? It only makes sense. I just hope I can be there when it happens.

-Xavier McDaniel (Sonics), Alvin Davis (Mariners), and John L. Williams (Seahawks) are three players that Seattle sports fans should have a special place for in their hearts.
-The best mascot name that has yet to be invented: Balls Tate, future mascot of Ball State University. Imagine the Western Kentucky mascot (pictured at left), but shaped like a scrotum.

-I’m pretty sure Dave Niehaus invented his “Grand Salami” call while pounding his wife.

-In case you were wondering whatever happened to Kurt Warner’s spiky-haired wife, she’s now pretty darn hot. Click here for more on that story, as well as pictures. A perfect example of what money can do for you.

-Athletes most likely to exit the closet in the next ten years: Derek Jeter, Dustin Pedroia, Tim Hardaway, Eli Manning.

-Names of players I’ve created on Madden or NCAA Football over the years: Woody Goldenrod, Wee Wang, Juan Aphilippines (sound it out, syllable by syllable), Boner Johnson, Deuce Moss.

-Why hasn’t an opposing team’s fans ever started chanting “You are Gay!” at Rudy Gay? It only makes sense. I just hope I can be there when it happens.

He’s Gay!

-A roster of the most obscure Mariners anyone could possibly think of at each position:

  • Pitcher, Jerry Don Gleaton.

  • Catcher, Bill McGuire.

  • First Base, Greg Pirkl.

  • Second Base, Brent Gates.

  • Third Base, Dave Cochrane.

  • Shortstop, Rey Quinones.

  • Outfield, Brian Turang.

  • Outfield, Quinn Mack.

  • Outfield, Warren Newsome.

-Names of players I want to create for Madden and/or NCAA Football after reviewing the list of names I’ve already created: Horace von Schnauzerface, Kareem Abdul-Smith, Tango McBerg, Konichi Wakamatsu.

-A short list of the best (term used loosely) sports comedy movies of all-time: Major League, Major League II, small doses of Major League III (if only because it’s so bad it’s funny, such as when they superimpose images of Taka Tanaka in the Metrodome because, presumably, they couldn’t get him to fly to Minnesota), Caddyshack, Bad News Bears, Happy Gilmore, Air Bud, The Sixth Man, Celtic Pride.


-An image from the soon-to-be-released Reggie Bush-Kim Kardashian sex tape:

And on that note, we are done. Check back later today for our feature article, and in the meantime, enjoy the inauguration.

3 thoughts on “Why are you reading this? It’s Inauguration Day.”

  1. One other note: Bob Condotta is reporting that Huskies linebacker Donald Butler was quoted in Washington D.C., in attendance of Barack Obama’s inauguration. The reporter interviewing Butler was unaware that he was a UW football player……………….does this come as a surprise to anyone? We were 0-12!

  2. When Bob Rondeau doesn’t get to yell, “Touchdown Washington!” at least 30 times in a season, he kills a hobo with a hammer. This season was no exception.

  3. If Derek Jeter is coming out of closet, A-Rod is coming out too. There’s no way those two haven’t had an uncomfortable shower incident by now. That’s why they squabble so much…

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