Point of Contention: Do Emo kids have a place in sports?

You’ve seen them, of course. They walk amongst the shadows, clutter your local food court, constantly amble with a hanging head, and maintain a leering glare. They grow their hair out to obscure their faces, dress in dark attire, and seek the public attention they so desperately crave at home. They are like the Children of the Corn, except the Children of the Corn had a purpose and direction; these kids do not. They skip middle school classes, listen to teeny rock, and prepare for the angst and social awkwardness of their undoubtedly weird transition into adulthood. Yes, by now you may have figured out who we’re talking about. They are Emo kids, and they are the face of American youth. From Gen-X, to Gen-Next, to Gen-Y, we’ve reached Gen-Zero, an entire generation of adolescents charactized by their absolute nothingness.

Outside of skateboarding, Emo (short for “emotional) kids aren’t known as avid sportsmen. At one time or another, they may have been forced onto a court or field by an all-too-pushy parent, but by the time they’ve crossed over to the dark side, athletics are little more than a distant memory. At this point, they’re more concerned with the prospect of piercings and tattoos, or the staging of a perfect self-taken bathroom shot of teenage misery to post on MySpace. Nevertheless, in our sports-frenzied society, we have to ask the critical questions of how athletics and culture can intertwine to produce sweet, sweet beautiful love. All of which leads us to the question of whether Emo kids do or do not have a place in sports. Without further ado, we’ll examine both sides of the argument.

Pro: Emo kids do have a place in sports. I have a great idea. Let’s say a Major League Baseball team has an “Emo Night” event. They hire a popular Emo rock band to play a postgame concert, and offer reduced admission to Emo kids with a paying adult (scratch that, no paying adult required…their parents don’t love them, after all). Of course, there has to be a catch, and there is. The catch is the Emo kids must submit to a haircut and an exchange of clothing at the gate; a well-coiffed ‘do in place of the long, dark locks, and a normal person’s wardrobe instead of those goofy-ass skintight disasters they buy at Value Village. It’s not unlike the scene in Return of the Jedi when Luke removes Darth Vader’s helmet and essentially turns him into the peaceful Anakin Skywalker once again. It’s not just an isolated incident; it’s an entire statement about life.

From a societal standpoint, the transformation has multiple repercussions. One, the sports franchise willing to stage this endeavour has quite possibly created a repeat customer who will be overwhelmed by sports fanaticism. Two, the younger Emos may be intervened during a point early enough in their Emoism to give athletics a try on their own; rather than just their lame-o attempts at skateboarding, they may take up baseball, basketball, football, or any other sport that frowns upon, rather than embraces, the use of mass quantities of hashish to drive success. Three, by capturing Emos and exposing them to athletics, we will accelerate their extinction and incorporate a whole new set of fans into the world of sports; in doing so, we will keep our world thriving and avoid the downfall of sports franchises, sports media, and anything else sports related. Diabolical.

My backup plan is much more simple. We submit the Emos to an all-day marathon of ESPN’s First and 10. I have a feeling they’ll establish a connection with Skip Bayless, slowly but surely drawing them into the sports spectrum. Also, it’s quite possible that Bayless is one of them. Two birds, one stone.

Con: Emo kids do not have a place in sports. Let’s face it, this is a lost cause. Emo kids hate stuff, and sports can be tough to hate. The only way this will work is if we send them all to Detroit. There, they can quickly adapt to the atmosphere of losing and fall in love with the misery that is the Motor City sports scene. Of course, we don’t have the funding to do that, so our attempts to convert the unconverted are simply futile.

For example, what are Emos in Florida supposed to do? The Florida Gators have won two football and two basketball National Championships in the past five years. That culture of winning will repel Emos quicker than sunlight and happiness. The bright blue-and-orange color scheme probably won’t perform any miracles either.

On top of that, everyone knows Emo kids are completely unathletic. Have you ever seen an Emo throw a football? Of course not, his hand would melt and his parents might appreciate him, two things most Emos try to avoid. Even running track might be a stretch for most Emo kids. The exposure to that much sunlight could be harmful to their pale, sensitive skin…and it’s really tough to run in nut-hugging, button-fly jeans.

Sports doesn’t need Emos, and Emos don’t need sports. The love Emos could receive from sports would likely overwhelm them and possibly short-circuit their brains. Their home life might be repaired, and they might develop some semblance of a personality. They might possibly spend their Saturdays in the gym instead of walking the mall, shopping despite the fact that they have no money. They may become better human beings, establish a future, and actually become whole again. These are all things we don’t need.
Okay, so there you have it, both sides of the argument. Now it’s your turn. Take a moment to share your thoughts on Emo kids and their place in sports. Thanks for reading, and for chipping in your opinion.

29 thoughts on “Point of Contention: Do Emo kids have a place in sports?”

  1. I would prefer to not have to look at these types of people attempt to play sports. I like them when they stay in the shadows of society.

  2. Wow u guys have no idea what emo is. I’m emo but I get straight A’s and I play highschool fotball lacrosse and basketball. Btw we don’t seek attention ( unless ur a poser) we are expressing ourselves

  3. Ya guys, all the thousands of emo kids just happen to be expressing themselves in exactly the same way.
    Seriously though, is there a cure for this disease? Quarantine perhaps?

  4. you guys are so wrong about these kind of things cause you know what i am emo i dont crave every body’s attention i dont trash food courts hell i barely eat and yes are parents dont love or care for us and stuff but your guy’s idea is really stupid emo’s wont ditch themselves at the entrance and pick it up at the end emo sticks with them self and wont let anyone take that away from them because yea thats all we have and i dont know where you guys have been but our emo hair is not the new mohawk that is ridiculous GET A LIFE GET A MAN GET LAID do something besides trashing emo’s we’re people too.

  5. Just leave us emo kids alone! Gosh, don’t you have something else you can do with your own lives? I’m emo, I get straight A’s at school & I do ALOT of sport. So don’t say we do nothing. People who throw names at us, In my case. Are just jealous.

    ** You laugh at me cause i’m different, but i laugh at you because your all the same. **

  6. I’m emo. I hate sports. I hated sports before I was emo. I love theater, I’ve always loved theater, I always will. Theater rocks, and emo kids arn’t the only ones that skateboard.

  7. One more thing-
    being emo isn’t about nothingness, it’s abouta overwhelming sense of emotion, mostly negative, because your actaly observitive enough to see that nomatter what, everyone dies in the end ect. ect.
    My home life is awesome.

  8. ya wanna know something im emo and that is such an insult i have fun sometimes im happy my mom doesn’t force me to play sports i play soccer because i like it so go get a girlfriend you ranting duchebag

  9. okay I played alot of football teams in my life, I’m 18 and i have never ever seen a emo fagg*t playing football, you guys suck at life. Go cut you’re wrists.

  10. Oh, yes, thank you for this. **rolls eyes* All of my friends are, to some degree, emo, and three out of five of them play sports, me included (softball, yay!). And we’re all good at what we do. Don’t tell me we’re not emo because our parents love us or because we don’t cry in public, because you have the wrong idea about emo kids.

  11. ~*Oh, and Sorry, but Emo Princess? Learn to use a period. They’re the little at the end of a sentence, between the slash/question mark and </comma on your keyboard. But then again, you probably don't use those, either.*~

  12. You people are ridiculous! Emos have just as much a right to play sports as you do.
    I`m emo, and in my opinion, sports are a horrid waste of time. But this doesn`t mean that we are different from anybody else… We just see things differently.
    Personally, I think you jocks are the ones that need to be worried about. You and your robotic girlfriends are invading the planet. Your music is disgusting… In fact, its hard to believe music has even made a dive that low. At least the emo music scene has meaning and beauty, rather than sex and impassionate lust. People like you are just one of the many reasons our world is so horrible. I hope you`re proud… You are just another pretty face…

  13. hello, but this crap is sooo stupid. im emo and i play in the band (alto saxaphone) i swim and play basketball. and no its not common to see an emo playing sports that dosent mean we cant. and i dont see why society ‘frowns at us’. lol i actually find this funny. how could you possible think that emos who ‘hate sports’ would drop there emo persona at the door to watch sports. your logic and ideas are totally stupid. oh and not all emos are brain dead, crying all the time, uncoordinated fools.

  14. I think an emo kid could potentially be very good at football. A sport where you knock the crap out of people for a kid thats angry at life? Yeah, match made in heaven. My thing is that ive never seen an emo guy who wasn’t skinny as heck. Find one that is built and id bet he’d be the mvp.

  15. yo im an emo and so are two of my best freinds we dont play sports cause we have better things to do in life that doesnt mean were unathletic just to get kicks we have practiced with the foot ball team, track, and basket ball teams we whooped ass in all three and still walked the streets grabbin our dicks in skinny jeans just kuz your jealous you gf wants to suck on us then kiss on you after doesnt give you rights to be a dick. so what we hate our life we have our reasons we werent born with a golden dildo between our legs so learn how we really are before jumping to conclusions were individuals but if you werent such a fricken prick youd know it and yes i know my typing isnt good its not cuz im an idiot i could school you on not only your religion but book smarts too cuz i may not have faith but i am studying to become a pastor kuz it was something i wanted to do as a kid ( ; were friggin geniuses if you took two seconds to look youd know it

  16. You are idiots you have no Idea what Emo is. You try and say you do the only reason this was made was to try and figure out why some people are like this. Have you ever thought that maybe it wasn’t just them who were the outcasts that they would rather look like something was wrong then hide behind fake smiling faces and rich kid prep clothes? Your an idiot for trying to rationalize something that you know absolutely nothing about. Please keep your critic to yourself. Unless you wanna get schooled of course.

  17. Wow, idiots not all Emos are unathletic. I am in my schools military marching band and we get lettermen jackets just like all the football players and cheerleaders, stop being ignorant

  18. Fuck all of u dicks that come on here only read the dont do sports emo sux side.fuck you im emo i coame on this site to read what sport or other activity i should do, wen i read the comments that say shit looking down apon suicidal kids. Y R U ON HERE?!?!?!? you asshole are prob. teh dumest people i kno “hey lets go on a place were emos will go to cry hehe” i just think WHUT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE?!? i am emo i read those thinking wow people are real dicks.. ~AcidScene15~

  19. Wow. Just wow. Whoever wrote this is an ignorant douche bag. Sure, not every emo plays sports. I’m on my school track team, and I’m considered “emo”. It seems to me that every popular kid plays a sport. Lacrosse, Cheerleading, Football, Soccer, you name it.

  20. 発見 からノックすべての人 デザイナー色合いか?について考える 取得の一種 イースタープレゼント の種類 あなたのような。信仰がある 他特定の人 は明示的に、疑問 や疑惑。

  21. Ahem. Isn’t this kinda stupid? I’m “emo”, as in emotional human being, and so are a lot of people. “Emo” is stupid for a name, considering what it means. I enjoy my metal/punk, I like black, and Justin Bieber seems like an autotuned loser to me. On the other hand, I like baseball, swimming, dance, and track. I hate people because I see just how much so many people try to be popular, including getting rid of lifetime friends for a couple of one night stands with a group of jocks behind the bleachers. What I described to you about myself and others is what you will find in every teen. Most “emo” kids end up as sarcastic comedians, Jon Stewart, singers(like Demi Lovato), writers and poets, or law enforcement. There are always the select few who don’t end up happy. I personally have a distrusting relationship with my parents, do to my own reasons. Not every “emo” kid out there does. In fact, I know kids who get along even better with their parents since the kids are “emo”. Another myth about emos broken is that we hate everything. I personally–like I said earlier–hate a lot of people, because I just have trust issues. I was bullied from a very young age for liking Green Day, Nickleback, etc, and for wearing glasses. Just saying that you shouldn’t generalize because everyone has their own story to tell. Not everyone is the same, just very alike or very different.

  22. You are all wrong! I am emo and I don’t go around trashing food courts! I barely even eat. You have the idea about emos all wrong! We don’t seek for people’s attention. Some of our parents do hate us but some of ours don’t but they don’t understand some of things about us. Plus, emos play sports. I play basketball! We have as much right as anybody else. We aren’t emo to get attention, we are emo to express our feelings so back off!

  23. the person who wrote this needs to stick to what they know because they know nothing about emo kids so back off and stick to what you know

  24. This is a pretty funny article considering I’m emo and that I love sports. Yes we are a rare breed and actually do exist lmao.

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