Mariners

Articles pertaining to the Seattle Mariners.

4/25/13

The Mariners and Their Trolls

4/8/13

ROOT Sports in a Nutshell

The Statistically Anomalous Mike Morse

4/4/13

The Quest for 162

4/3/13

Top 11: Reasons to be Optimistic About the 2013 Seattle Mariners

3/29/13

(Maybe) This is The Year

3/28/13

The Revelations of a Major League Nanny

3/12/13

The Mission to Reacquire Chone Figgins Just So We Can Cut Him Again

1/17/13

Why Are We Fighting Over the Jaso-for-Morse Deal, Again?

12/17/12

In Defense of Alex, Because He Doesn’t Even Need It

12/13/12

The Mariners Suck

11/28/12

A Fond Farewell to the Worst Player in Seattle Mariners History

10/24/12

Mourning Mune

8/23/12

Three Words to Sum Up An Irrational Love Affair

8/15/12

Tossing A Reverie

8/2/12

Recent Tide Movements of the Seattle Mariners: A Roster Update

8/1/12

I Asked My Twitter Followers to Make An Amazing Munenori Kawasaki Tribute Video and Someone Actually Did It

8/1/12

Here’s A Hilarious Fan-Made Munenori Kawasaki Tribute Video For You To Watch

7/24/12

Ichiro: An Ode and a Goodbye

7/17/12

Scoring On the Road: How Married Mariners Hitters Differ From Their Unmarried Counterparts

7/13/12

Top 11: Reasons The 2012 Mariners Are Worse Than Your First Sexual Experience (aka, Your Mariners Midseason Failure Analysis)

6/11/12

The Significance of Zero

5/25/12

Chone Figgins and A Lesson In Absolution

5/21/12

The Mariners Would Like To Show You Their Tube Steaks This Saturday

5/8/12

An Ode to the Worst Fans In Baseball

5/3/12

The Seattle Mariners Grassroots Promotions Department: Jumbacos For Losses

4/24/12

Top 11: Mariners Wonka Memes

4/16/12

Time Traveling with the Mariners: A Chance At Do-Overs

4/4/12

A Step-By-Step Guide to Ruing the Day

4/3/12

Why The Mariners Are Being Dickheads About The New SODO Arena

3/28/12

The Return of Spring’s Optimism

1/17/12

Snowy, With A Chance of Jesus

12/8/11

The Day the Mariners (Fan Base) Died

11/22/11

What We Can Take Away from the Passing of Greg Halman

11/21/11

Greg Halman: August 26, 1987 – November 21, 2011

11/14/11

So I Created This CraigsList Ad That Will Probably Get Me Banned…

9/14/11

Mariners End-Of-Year Recap on Yahoo Sports

8/30/11

Too Selfish, Too Proud: It’s Time For Ichiro To Leave

8/23/11

The Case For Kyle Seager, Mariners Shortstop

7/30/11

Mariners Deal Fister, Land Furbush

7/28/11

Ain’t Nothin’ But A Heartache: An Ode to the 2011 Seattle Mariners

7/25/11

Writer X: Blame Ichiro

7/14/11

Solving All The Mariners’ Problems In One Article

7/7/11

Local Sabermetrician Arrested In Murder-For-Hire Plot

7/6/11

Brandon League and the Graveyard of Lost All-Stars

6/20/11

And Then Jeff Cirillo Had A Baseball Camp

6/13/11

Earning Your Cut

Because Chone Figgins Still Sucks

6/7/11

The Legend of Mike Motherf**king Carp

6/6/11

The Reality of Danny Hultzen

6/2/11

The Unexpected Seattle Mariners

6/1/11

Donkey Watch: Days 2 and 3

5/30/11

Donkey Watch: Day 1

5/27/11

Mail Order Memories

5/23/11

Believing In The Power of One

5/9/11

Mike Wilson Is A G

4/27/11

Jack Cust Hits His Balls Far, Far Away

4/26/11

Comparing Mariners To Movies

4/18/11

Remembering The Worst Ad In Mariners History

4/14/11

Fire This

4/9/11

Dear Mariners: You Suck Too Much To Be Pricks

4/7/11

Some Facts About Alvin Davis, Friend Of Elves

3/31/11

The Harsh Reality Of The 2011 Seattle Mariners

3/27/11

Don’t Worry, Mariner Fans: Jim Hendry Has Your Back

3/15/11

Here’s The Best M’s Ad You’ll See All Day (Video)

3/13/11

Your 2011 Seattle Mariners Nickname Guide

2/23/11

Here’s A Boring-Ass Article On The Boring-Ass Mariners

The Yankees Are Counting On This Man To Anchor Their Rotation

2/21/11

Around Geoff Baker: Feb. 21, 2011

2/18/11

Around Geoff Baker: Feb. 18, 2011

2/17/11

Around Geoff Baker: Feb. 17, 2011

2/16/11

Around Geoff Baker: Feb. 16, 2011

1/27/11

Meet Your Big Offseason Acquisition, Mariner Fans

12/11/10

We Need This Today

11/10/10

We Love You, Dave Niehaus

11/2/10

Ryan Hyphen-Fail (aka Why Facebook Chat Wins The Day)

10/22/10

And Then There Were Two…

10/4/10

Top 11: 2011 Seattle Mariners Team Slogans

9/24/10

Dear Mariners: It’s Not Me, It’s You

9/15/10

This Is My Blagh (Just Sayin’)

9/5/10

If Seahawks Management Ran The Mariners

9/2/10

Bobby Wilson Will Beat You Running Backwards

8/31/10

Explaining The Worst Trade In Mariners History (And It’s Not What You Think)

8/23/10

Lou Piniella, The Human Being

8/20/10

Miss Perceptions

8/16/10

True Hollywood Story: The Mariner Moose

8/14/10

R.A. Dickey Is My Homeboy

8/11/10

And For An Extra Dollar, A Mariners Navigator Will Cup Your Balls

8/10/10

Mariners Announce White Heritage Night

All Of My Thoughts On The Wak Firing In Three Sentences And One Picture

8/9/10

Escaping This Abusive Relationship

8/4/10

Don Wakamatsu Sums Up Mike’s Weenie

Who’s To Blame For This Debacle?

8/3/10

Turn This Rally Fry Slogan Into A Sign And I’ll Come High-Five You At The M’s Game Tonight (aka Longest Headline Ever)

8/2/10

Even The M’s IT Team Has Mailed It In

7/31/10

Wak, Fans Deserve Better Than M’s Front Office

7/26/10

My Life Needs Closure: Summon Pineda and Ackley

7/23/10

Yes, I Found The Video To Guti’s At-Bat Intro Music

7/22/10

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 2010 Seattle Mariners

7/20/10

Top 11: Most Annoying Things About The Mariners

7/13/10

Buhner For Phelps? You Don’t Know What The Hell You’re Doing!

7/12/10

Junior’s “Goodbye, Baseball” Nike Ad

7/11/10

A Serious Letter From A Serious Fan

We’re Getting There, Mariner Fans

7/10/10

Chone Figgins = Donkey From “Shrek”

7/9/10

JUSTIN F***IN’ SMOAK, BABY!

7/7/10

Brandon League For The Win!!!!

Bedard Wakes With Boner, Heads To DL

7/2/10

All-Star Arguments For Three Former Mariners

6/26/10

Why Am I So Excited About The Return of Russell Branyan?

6/25/10

Hyphen18 Is A Bad Joke

6/23/10

F*** It: We’re Keeping Cliff Lee

6/22/10

The Problem With Mariners Fans…

6/20/10

Nolan Ryan-Smith And The M’s Keep Winning

6/19/10

Josh Wilson Is My New Favorite Obscure Mariner

6/16/10

Oklahoma Bro Rips Seattle, Leaves Evidence, Gets Tracked Down By Me

6/8/10

Goose Gossage Would Totally Kick Casey Kotchman’s Ass

6/5/10

The Girls of Summer

FSN, Howard Schultz, and The Devil

6/2/10

Me and Junior

Farewell To Seattle’s Greatest Hero, Ken Griffey Jr.

6/1/10

Eliezer Alfonzo: The Best Player In The History of the World

M’s Proud Of Team’s Crappy Offense

5/31/10

M’s Management Shows Signs Of Life For First Time This Year

5/27/10

Overrated? Ichiro? You Don’t Say…

5/25/10

The All-Encompassing Mariners Rant

5/24/10

Top 11: Giveaways Mariners Fans Are Missing Out On

The Catching Conundrum

5/21/10

Mike’s Weenie Explodes

5/18/10

Fixing The Mariners In Three (More) Unique Steps

5/17/10

Fixing The Mariners In Three Unique Steps

5/13/10

Prematurely Grading The M’s Offseason Acquisitions

Forbes Says Seattle Is Most Miserable Sports City

5/12/10

Mike Sweeney Challenges You To Fisticuffs

5/11/10

Zduriencik Beginning To Look Human

5/10/10

Larry LaRue Getting More Attention Than He Has Ever Before Received

5/7/10

In Case You Were Wondering, Greg Nickels Goes To Sporting Events Now

5/6/10

“Beach Cruiser” Byrnes Resurfaces In Rec Softball League

5/5/10

Game Over? Milton Bradley Down To His Last Life

5/3/10

Mariners Look Like Ass Right Now

4/29/10

Dropping Griffey, Sweeney Won’t Solve Problems

4/27/10

We Need You, Eric Byrnes

4/21/10

Cliff Lee Wins AL Simulated Pitcher of the Month Award

4/20/10

Critical Critic Criticizes Safeco Field

You Know You’ve Made It When Your Nude Cell Phone Photos Surface

4/19/10

Enter The Fist

4/16/10

1995: The Best Year of My Life

4/14/10

Doug Fister Brings Hope

Bradley Spews On Oakland As M’s Fist A’s

4/13/10

Clearance Caps And Other Opening Day Observations

I Love You, But I DO NOT Have To Like You Right Now

4/12/10

Seattle Sportsnet Goes To Japan

4/9/10

And Panic Ensues

4/8/10

Go Fist Yourself, Oakland

4/6/10

Suck It, Buster Olney

4/2/10

The Truth Behind Baseball And Blind Optimism

3/31/10

All The Right Moves: M’s Waive Garko, Add Sweeney

3/30/10

Attention National Media: The Mariners Can And Will Win The AL West

3/29/10

Buster Olney Hates The Mariners

2/25/10

Now Returning To Your TV Set, Ken Griffey Jr.

2/16/10

2010 Mariners Preview: Getting To Know Doug Fister

2/12/10

By The Numbers: The Greatest Athletes In Seattle Sports History, 0-99

2/10/10

Mariners Sign Jesus

2/4/10

This Whole Erik Bedard Thing Is Getting Out Of Hand

2/2/10

Garko Signing Results In Messy Keyboards

1/31/10

Dave Sims, Porn Director

1/23/10

Would You Like Some Sequins On Your Ichiro Designed T-Shirt?

1/22/10

Rival Angels Waste Money On Joel Pineiro

Top 11: Reasons To Get On Your Knees And Love Jack Zduriencik

1/21/10

Don’t Sleep On (The Humble) Mark Lowe

1/18/10

Source: M’s Sign Felix Hernandez To Contract Extension!!

1/5/10

Casey Kotchman? Really?

12/29/09

Elect Ron Fairly To The Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame

12/20/09

I’ve Never Been So Happy To See Milton Bradley

12/16/09

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

12/12/09

Ironman of the Year Award: Adrian Beltre

12/9/09

The Mariners Didn’t Sign Anyone You Care About Today

12/8/09

M’s Sign Figgins, Choose To Censor His First Name

12/5/09

In Chone Figgins, M’s Kill Two Birds With One Stone

12/2/09

John Halama Still Plays Baseball?

11/11/09

Well That Was Quick: Griffey, M’s Agree On Deal

10/27/09

Safeco Field Review

10/19/09

Do You Believe In Miracles?! YES! Johjima Returns To Japan!!!!

10/14/09

Reliving The 1995 ALDS, Game 5, Yankees vs. Mariners

10/5/09

In The End, Griffey Experiment Worked To Perfection

9/29/09

Mike Blowers Is A Witch…Make That A Warlock

9/18/09

M’s Screw Jamie Burke By Sending Him To Baseball Hell

9/3/09

Top 11: Best Intro Songs In Seattle Mariners History

9/1/09

Get Your Tickets To The Carlos Silva Show!

Adrian Beltre’s Nuts Are Okay

8/27/09

M’s Digging Deep To Pimp Miguel Batista (Picture)

8/25/09

Coming To Grips With Ken Griffey Jr.’s Impending Retirement

8/21/09

It’s August, Junior Is Batting .220, And We Don’t Care

6/23/09

Harold Reynolds Hates On Your Stats, Sabermetrics…Face

6/22/09

Mariners Closing In On First Place…For Real

6/21/09

Unheralded Offseason Acquisitions Making Mark On 2009 Mariners

6/17/09

M’s Have Hot Corner To Fill In 2010

Felix In The NL? It’s Not That Far-Fetched

6/15/09

Punchless M’s Need To Start Exploring Trade Options

6/13/09

Brandon Morrow Era Begins Anew Today

6/9/09

M’s Build Towards Future With Draft, Morrow

With The Second Pick In The 2009 Draft, The Mariners Select…

Happy Strasburg Day!

6/8/09

M’s Enter Critical Stretch Of Winnable Games

6/6/09

BB OK, and thoughts on Ronny Cedeno

6/4/09

Who should stay and who should go as M’s look towards future?

6/1/09

M’s Russell Branyan, Jason Vargas Have Traveled Long Roads To Success

5/24/09

Where have you gone, John Mayberry, Jr.?

5/22/09

The M’s are becoming obsolete, which means it’s time to crank up the promotion machine

5/21/09

Top 11: Rally Fry Signs

5/19/09

History Says Teams Would Be Better Off Passing On Strasburg

5/17/09

Mariners back on winning track, take two of three from Red Sox Province

Wladimir Balentien Starting To Look Like The Real  Deal

5/15/09

Our phone conversation with Safeco Field

5/14/09

Is it too early to label Brandon Morrow a bust?

The 30 Worst Trades in Seattle Mariners History

5/12/09

The “B” Stands For Bandwgon

5/11/09

Brandon Morrow is giving me those Mesa-Ayala jitters

5/8/09

Bob Melvin proves Seattle fans right, gets fired in AZ

5/7/09

Top 11: Worst Free Agent Signings in Mariners History

5/6/09

Carlos Silva should donate large chunk of salary to charity

5/4/09

If Yuni’s drawing walks, you best be taking a pitch, Ichiro

Miguel Batista’s Sideburns Need To Be Addressed

Three Keys To The Mariners Playoff Run

5/3/09

Party Like It’s 1995!

5/2/09

Mariners Welcome Back Prodigy-Turned-Comeback Kid, Denny Stark

M’s steal one from A’s

4/30/09

Just call him Yunique

4/26/09

Mariners can do no wrong, keep on winning

4/24/09

Twenty Years Later, Mariners Still Profiting Off Mark Langston

4/22/09

Clement Could Go Down As One Of Seattle’s Greatest Draft Busts

4/20/09

Brad Wilkerson latest career casualty of Bavasi-era Mariners

Okay, so Carlos Silva sucks, but what’s the solution?

4/19/09

Roy Corcoran Is The Man

4/18/09

Smile, Seattle, we’re winning again

4/16/09

Top 11: Reasons It’s Cool To Believe In The 2009 Mariners

4/15/09

Griffey Convicted Of Pixie Dust Possession

Destination: Playoffs (We can do this, Seattle)

The Mariners have IT: We’re looking at a contender

4/13/09

First Place M’s Winning With Pitching, Defense

4/8/09

Will Carlos Silva get through the third tonight?

M’s Look To Revolutionize Game With Rotation of Closers

4/7/09

M’s impose Little League restrictions on Bedard

Zduriencik doing his best to make Bavasi look like an idiot

1-0 Never Felt So Good

4/6/09

Thank you, Nicole Zaloumis!

This week is Sports Heaven

Welcome to Opening Day!

4/5/09

Closer role creates inflated sense of self-worth

4/3/09

2009 Seattle Mariners Preview: Catcher

Ichiro has bleeding ulcer…gross

4/2/09

Top 11: Rejected ’09 Mariners slogans

3/31/09

2009 Seattle Mariners Preview: Outfield

3/28/09

2009 Seattle Mariners Preview: Infield

3/27/09

Poll: Grading the ’09 M’s commercials

3/20/09

Seattle teams log three wins in one day

2/25/09

If Erik Bedard could talk, he’d be Jarrod Washburn

2/24/09

Richie Strikes Out: My script for a 2008 Mariners commercial

2/21/09

Headlines

The five best things about Saturday

Junior’s Press Conference

Notes: Griffey a one-man economic stimulus, Huskies at USC

2/20/09

KJR interview with Brian Goldberg

2/19/09

Heroes of the Griffey deal

One more video…on repeat

Griffey media

Top 11: Ken Griffey, Jr. photos

2/18/09

Put your Naughty by Nature on repeat, Junior’s back!

ESPN’s Rick Reilly accuses Beltre of steroid use

2/17/09

Here you go, Atlanta: My greatest Griffey memories, they’re yours

Junior reportedly chooses Braves

2/16/09

Thoughts on the weekend that was

A last-ditch effort to bring Junior home

2/12/09

It’s down to Griffey and Anderson

Junior should be everyone’s hero

2/10/09

Ichiro prepared to pitch in ’09

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