No, Bud. It'll be bigger than that. We're not talking about that kind of erection. Although for the record, I'd wager you're being a bit generous.

News breaking today that the Milwaukee Brewers will be erecting a statue of baseball commissioner and former team owner Bud Selig outside their ballpark.

Selig’s likeness will stand more than 7′ tall (dude, he’s not Shaq) and probably have lots of bronze wrinkles.

Around these parts, Selig is better known to old-timers as the original Clay Bennett. He was the point man that led a group of investors in the purchasing and hijacking of Seattle’s original Major League Baseball franchise, the Pilots. Which I guess would make Dewey Soriano the original Howard Schultz.

Anyways, all you really need to know is that Bud Selig has an erection, and it’s going up in Milwaukee. Boing.

I don’t even like Dockers that much. I’m more of a jeans guy, though I prefer shorts, and I’d even go with Old Navy cargo pants before I rocked the stainless khakis.

But whatever. Free pants are free pants, so I bought into the gimmick and went to the Dockers’ website to get my complimentary slacks.

Lo and behold, after five minutes of unrewarded effort, I did not walk away with free pants. False advertising at its finest.

Instead, I was left with three email addresses being spammed (to a slight degree, and at my own behest) and a great deal of frustration.

Here’s how Dockers’ “free pants” promotion works.

You go to their website.

You click on the “free pants” link.

You type in your name, email address, gender, stuff like that.

You submit that information.

You are taken to a screen that asks you to click on a picture of a pair of khakis to see if you’ve won.

You click on the khakis.

You are told that you didn’t win, but are given a coupon for 15% off your next pair of Dockers as some sort of olive branch that’s supposed to make up for your loss. Like a nice, “Hey, sorry I kicked your ass, but here’s a hand to help you off the ground.” Thanks.

This should have been a commercial for a free 15% off coupon. Instead, they showed us a bunch of guys walking through a field in their underwear, which wasn’t funny or entertaining. Stupid Dockers.

You may have got some web hits thanks to your little promotion, but from now on, I’ll be buying my work pants from The Gap. Face.

For the second time in the past few months, Walter Jones has announced his retirement. Via Twitter. And we don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not.

Why Jones would choose to announce that he has “come to the concussion it is time for me to retire from football” through an informal website is beyond me. The fact that a correction was posted a half hour later, replacing “concussion” with “conclusion” just goes to show how lame-o this whole Tweeting situation is becoming.

There are some guys out there who use Twitter to everyone’s advantage. Like Chad Ochocinco, for instance, who has, at various points in time, turned his account into a giveaway hotline or a source of neverending entertainment.

When he isn’t buying strangers movie tickets and handing them out through his account, Ochocinco can found dropping TwitPics such as this one, which was taken on Saturday from Miami.

You might not always agree with what Johnson tweets, but more often than not you’ll find yourself laughing, smirking, or smiling at his wit…brought to you in 140 characters or less, naturally.

Unfortunately for us, for every Ochocinco there are a handful of athletes who aren’t nearly as humorous, charitable, or entertaining.

Like Tony Wroten, Jr., for example, the Garfield High School junior who is among the nation’s top basketball recruits and happens to be a native Seattleite.

Though only 16 years of age, Wroten has managed to make a mockery of his situation by more or less abusing Twitter for personal gain.

As a highly touted prospect of sorts, Wroten often tweets his “Top Five” colleges of choice, a nod towards the many suitors who pursue the shooting guard’s services in academia, aka the basketball court. And even though one would expect his preferences to change from time to time, Wroten’s lists (which often include the University of Washington) are more or less manic, being altered to the the point that you have to figure that either a) this kid is crazy or b) he’s messing with everybody so they’ll pay attention to him. Either way, it’s hard to appreciate where this kid’s head is at.

The fact is, whether you like it or not, Twitter has become iconic to the point of working its way into our everyday lives, tweet by tweet. And most of us know that, and understand the ramifications surrounding a 140-character message that can be consumed by millions almost instantaneously.

But for every sane person out there that treats Twitter like the loaded weapon it is, there are those of us that can’t quite grasp the power behind our particular arrangement of letters, numbers, and symbols.

Like Jones, for instance, who may or may not truly be done with football. Whether he is or isn’t calling it quits, don’t you think it’s better to inform your employer of your career decisions first before telling the world? You know, the ones writing your seven-figure checks for the past 13 years?

I don’t know, maybe I’m way off-base here, but with so much invalidity being perpetuated through the likes of Twitter, it’s hard to believe anyone anymore. Especially athletes.

The rough draft.

The final product.

Dawg Pack Dirt: Arizona State

Volume 6, Issue 18, February 6, 2010

Special to Seattle Sportsnet

The Dawgs are back in the hunt for the Pac-10 title with that big win on Thursday. A win this Saturday over the Sun Devils would be absolutely huge.

ASU has become somewhat of a rival after last year, and they think UW is a school of thugs so feel free to play on that. Come looking like the biggest thug you can because we all know that’s what Derek Glasser likes.

When UW played in Tempe earlier in the season, the FSN commentators called us out saying the UW students better bring it when ASU goes to Seattle so do your thing Dawg Pack! Let’s make Hec Ed crazy this Saturday!

The Game:

-Arizona State Sun Devils at Washington Huskies

-Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 7:30 p.m. PST

The Team:

-Arizona State is currently tied for first place in the Pac-10 with a 6-4 record in league play, and a 16-7 record overall.

-Apparently ASU players have their phones taken from them by coaches 24 hours before the game in order to avoid distractions, but I’ve listed some numbers anyways. As of the time I’m writing this dirt, they are definitely more than willing to talk to us.

The Players:

-#12 G Derek Glasser (Sr.) will be making his last trip to Hec Ed so let’s make it a miserable one, because, believe it or not, he actually claims that Hec Ed is his favorite place to play.

I’m honestly a little sad that he’s leaving because he’s been the player I’ve hated more than any other during my four years here. If you just imagine a rich white kid at ASU, you’ll see Derek Glasser. He is the ultimate rich party boy and your stereotypical douchebag.

*Editor’s note: Just a brief side note. For me, the player that held the coveted title of Most Annoying/Biggest Pain was Stanford’s Chris Hernandez. The difference is Hernandez ended up being a real cool dude, and Glasser is pretty much the anti-poon. They look quite a bit alike though. Related, perhaps?

Glasser claims that he’s the best dressed player on the team and that he has the best upper body.

His middle name is Jason.

Last season, Glasser’s mom, Veronica, was very angry at the Dawg Pack for teasing her boy.

The fight that occurred last year in which Derek Glasser did his best to teabag our own Venoy Overton is now part of the NCAA instructional video on unsportsmanlike conduct.

He is like a girl with a Chihuahua in her purse when it comes to his bulldog Maddie.

He spends roughly 87% of his time without a shirt on and seven nights a week in the club, most likely with a v-neck t-shirt or a just a button-up that isn’t buttoned up.

Glasser was “anonymously” quoted in ESPN The Magazine a few months ago as saying that we’re crazy up here at the UW because we like to photoshop pictures of players. Well Derek, I guarantee you this isn’t photoshopped.

-#2 C Eric Boateng (Sr.) is in his third season with ASU after transferring from Duke.

The native of London loves to play ping-pong and is fluent in the African language “Twi”. I doubt there are any Twi speakers in the Dawg Pack, but Google is your friend.

-#3 G Ty Abbot (Jr.) goes by Ty but his first name is Tyshawn.

He has two dogs named Deuce and Doodoo.

He pretty much lives and dies by the three, so get into his head during warm-ups.

-#10 G Jamelle McMillan (Jr.) is actually named Nathaniel after his rather famous father around these parts, Seattle Supersonics legend and current Portland Trailblazers coach, Nate McMillan.

McMillan claims that his toughest loss was losing right here in Hec Ed in seasons past, but he has also won a state high school championship on the same floor with O’Dea High School.

Jamelle can be reached at [edited for relevance].

He recently received a $216 ticket in the mail for speeding and texting while driving. Here is the radar photo to prove it.

-#22 F Victor Rudd (Fr.) just got a tattoo on his hand on Sunday. Claims that he’s going to “get super blasted” in the next three months.

*Editor’s note: HAH! Super blasted. Have fun with that one.

He can be reached at [edited for relevance].

-#23 C Ruslan Pateev (Fr.) is a giant Russian that can be reached at [edited for relevance].

He has been labeled the worst dressed Sun Devil by his teammates.

*Editor’s note: Ruslan, you’re on my Pac-10 fantasy team because we have to have a center and there are literally less than 10 Pac-10 basketball players listed as centers who actually see the floor. You’re one of them. In an ideal situation, your team would lose on Saturday, but you’d go for 35-and-20 or something like that. Fans, please lay off Ruslan for these reasons. Team Random White Guy At The End Of The Bench thanks you.

-#30 G/F Rihards Kuksiks (Jr.) is a native of Latvia who absolutely lit us up earlier this season so do whatever you have to do to get into his head.

Some of his friends call him “Kooks”.

*Editor’s note: I used to respect Kuksiks’ game until I found out he was only 6′6″. I just assumed he was like all the other Eastern European forwards who stood 6′10″ and could shoot the trey. I was wrong. This is ridiculous. This guy didn’t see Justin Holiday in the desert though, and I guarantee you he’ll know all about Holiday by Sunday morning.

-#44 G Jerren Shipp (Sr.) is the subject of the photo that won Seattle Sportsnet’s Picture of the Year Award with this gem. I’m still speechless whenever I see it. We have Jerren next to a very ornate bong as a transvestite looks on. Enjoy.

Final Notes:

-If you’re not already doing so, follow the Dawg Pack on Twitter @UWDawgPack, join the Facebook group “Welcome to Romarville – The Dawg Pack”, and visit www.seattlesportsnet.com for daily updates, dirt, and more! Tell your friends!

GO DAWGS!

Translation: F*** the Cubs.

In Freddy’s defense, he appears to be at that state of inebriation where it makes sense to repeat everything that anyone says to you. So it’s really not his fault.

This video was apparently shot at Sox Fest 2010, which one can only gander is a glorious drunken bash that takes place at The Cheesecake Factory.

Note the big guy on the stairs in the old school White Sox jacket. He has a look of genuine concern on his face. Like this performance might very well devalue his collection of Freddy Garcia bobblehead dolls.

And then there’s the turd behind Freddy in the backwards cap and track jacket. I really don’t have much to say about that guy. He just happens to be the exact person you figure would be back there taking cell videos of this event.

Finally, we can only hope that this isn’t a preview of what to expect from Felix Hernandez in a decade or so. This is the King’s idol, after all. And yet he carries himself in this manner. A shame.

A few weeks ago we compared the Huskies’ Isaiah Thomas to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s Jersey Shore.

Citing The Situation’s need for attention in a charming-yet-cocky sort of way, we alluded to Thomas’s me-first attitude on the court that, while at times selfish, was exactly what this otherwise-scoring-deficient ballclub needed.

Fast forward a few games and everything has changed.

Instead of being the aggressive volume scorer he was just weeks ago, Thomas has turned into a ballhog and a buzzkill. He’s gone from being the focal point of this team’s offense to the black hole. Instead of creating opportunities, Thomas has heisted them from his teammates, putting up goose eggs in the process.

Yesterday, Thomas’s stretch of mediocrity came to a head with a thirty-percent shooting performance that resulted in a total of seven points.

While Thomas’s final line was bad (7 pts, 6 rebs, 1 ast, 4 TO, 3 PF, 3-10 FG, 1-4 FT, 0-4 3-pt), a stretch of two minutes to close out the first half was even worse.

In the waning moments of the opening period, the second-year guard dominated the ball and forced bad possession after bad possession.

He drove to the hoop against four defenders and threw up an off-balanced layup that failed to touch rim.

He dribbled, and dribbled, and dribbled some more while four of his teammates stood idly by, waiting for something to occur. He then turned the ball over.

In what seemed to be obligatory nods towards his teammates, he dumped off two ill-advised passes that resulted in wasted opportunities: a bounce pass in traffic to a well-defended Matthew Bryan-Amaning, and a kickout to the offensive liability that is Darnell Gant. The pass to Bryan-Amaning was stripped and stolen by Arizona. The kickout to Gant turned into an ugly miss from 18-feet that sits outside the forward’s range.

The unimpressive display convinced the coaching staff to send Thomas to the bench at the start of the second half. Venoy Overton was inserted into the lineup in the sophomore’s place, and the team performed better as result, retaking the lead after being faced with a six-point deficit at intermission.

Upon reentering the game shortly after the first media timeout, Thomas proceeded to more or less sulk on the playing surface. The first time he touched the ball, he sent a lazy pass to Abdul Gaddy which was promptly stolen by a defender, who was then fouled by the trailing Gaddy.

On ensuing possessions, Thomas dribbled off his leg, mishandled passes from his teammates, and all but refused to shoot the basketball.

If this is how the kid reacts to one benching, what does this say about his mental toughness?

For a showman who craves the spotlight and is more than happy to be the center of attention when things are going well, where’s the level of accountability?

Like it or not, for better or worse, this team belongs to Isaiah Thomas as much as it does Quincy Pondexter. Pondexter might be the more consistent party, but Thomas is a heavily-relied-upon option in the team’s gameplan.

There are fans and media members alike who are calling for Thomas’s head during this lull in performance. Likewise, there are those out there who feel Thomas should continue to see the same number of minutes he’s always seen. The fact is, there is no easy answer in handling this situation.

In the past one-and-a-half seasons, this team has been dependent on Isaiah Thomas for production. Now, however, the team is functioning just fine without their diminutive star.

If anything, it is Thomas who will need to adjust to his ever-improving teammates. Clearly, they can get the job done without his presence.

But asking such a potent scorer to shy away from his natural inclinations will be no easy task. He won’t be able to shoot as often as he’d like. He won’t be able to dominate the ball as frequently as he’s used to. He’ll have to create for others just as easily as he does for himself.

And if he can’t do that, then it’s time to seriously consider finding Thomas a chair and asking him to get comfortable.

For this team, it’s now or never. No one individual can put himself before the group. And the group must win as a whole, united. It’s time for Isaiah Thomas to buy into that belief, or else he’ll find himself on the outside looking in.

Quiet everyone! An old man is talking.

Rather than bring the hammer down with a handful of articles venting about any number of sports-related topics, I’ve decided to combine all my little gripes into one giant rant post.

Here are the things currently bugging the hell out of me:

Tom Watson’s comments on Tiger Woods

I don’t really like Tiger Woods. He’s fun to watch golf on the back nine of a nail-biting tournament, I suppose, but I’ve never found myself rooting for the guy, per se.

Which is why you would think I’d appreciate Tom Watson’s recent comments on the embattled golf superstar. Take a look at what Watson had to say:

“I’ll let the cat out of the bag. Tiger has to take ownership of what he has done. He must get his personal life in order. I think that’s what he’s trying to do. And when he comes back, he has to show some humility to the public.

I would come out and I would do an interview with somebody and say, ‘You know what? I screwed up. And I admit it. I am going to try to change. I am trying to change. I want my wife and family back.’

I feel that he has not carried the same stature that other great players that have come along like Jack (Nicklaus), Arnold (Palmer), Byron Nelson, the Hogans, in the sense that there was language and club throwing on the golf course. You can grant that of a young person that has not been out here for a while. But I think he needs to clean up his act and show the respect for the game that other people before him have shown.”

Okay, let’s break this down.

The first two paragraphs of Watson’s diatribe are legitimate. If he wants to go there and weigh in on Tigergate a few weeks late then fine, whatever.

In paragraph three, however, the senile senior citizen in Watson emerges and we’re left wondering why we ever rooted for this guy in last year’s U.S. Open.

Why Watson feels the need to kick a man when he’s down is beyond me. All that garbage in the final paragraph could have been stated months ago, long before Tiger ever had these marital problems.

Clearly, these are issues that Watson has always had with Woods’ character, and in villainous fashion the old man has decided to air the dirty laundry at a time when Tiger is more or less defenseless.

Not that Tiger Woods is worthy of our sympathy at a time like this, but Tom Watson shouldn’t feel the need to capitalize on someone else’s downfall. Why not take a shot at Haiti while you’re at it, Tom. I hear they’re having some problems, too.

710 ESPN Seattle’s overuse of audio quip clips

This:

That’s basically what 710 is responsible for perpetuating.

For God’s sake, you’re not Bumblebee from Transformers.

Everyone’s concern with Tim Tebow’s image

It seems like everyone — media and fans alike — is sharing concern for Tim Tebow’s image these days.

Tebow, if you haven’t heard, will be appearing in a controversial ad during the Superbowl that essentially urges viewers to be pro-life.

The fact is, 50% of people out there won’t agree with Tebow’s message. And because of that, Tebow, unlike many star athletes, will become less marketable as a brand name in the process.

Unlike such “brand” athletes as Michael Jordan and Peyton Manning, to name two, Tebow is actually going out on a limb and expressing his personal beliefs publicly. He’s damaging his own reputation in the process, but at least we know he’s human.

Forget whether you agree or disagree with what Tebow is selling. Wouldn’t you rather see more athletes as real people? People that actually have opinions and share them? Because I would. Even if what the guy is saying doesn’t resonate with me.

And who really cares if Tebow damages his “image” or not? I don’t. Hell, if Tim Tebow wants to hook it up with Lindsay Lohan and start snorting crack, that’s fine by me. It’s his life, and I don’t really give a rat’s ass about the guy in the first place. Neither should you.

So let’s all band together and take a vow. We will not care about Tim Tebow’s image. Agreed? Fantastic.

The use of the term “relieved of his/her duties” when a coach is terminated

I read this headline online today: Clippers to relieve Dunleavy of coaching duties.

Right, like he’s so relieved.

I’m sure that’s how the front office explained Mike’s termination to him, as well.

“Hey, Mike, good news! We’re relieving you of your coaching duties. What a relief, huh?!”

Yeah, I’m sure there are no more stresses in Mike Dunleavy’s life now that you’ve fired him.

Perhaps the only real relief he feels is his newfound dissociation with the worst franchise in the history of sports. Other than that, it’s gotta be a crappy day to be that guy.

The overuse of “WhoDat”

I’m rooting for the Saints in the Superbowl.

But I’d be rooting for them with greater fervor if I hadn’t heard “WhoDat” about 200 times a day for the past two weeks.

In fact, dependent on how many times I hear that dumbass phrase on Sunday, I might change my allegiance.

WhoDat, WhoDat, WhoDat…it’s like watching only the annoying parts of The Waterboy (which, undoubtedly, someone will joke is the whole thing).

This:

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. And I feel like this image does complete justice to the game we just witnessed.

Credit Jim Bates of The Seattle Times for the photo.

The Mariners might bring Erik Bedard back.

I might learn how to fly.

Rosie O’Donnell might not be gay.

Magnum P.I. might one day return to primetime television.

These are all things that might happen. Or might not. I mean, there’s a chance. But there’s also no chance. Who really knows for sure?

The fact is, we’re blowing this Erik Bedard rumor way out of proportion. Sure, it’s fun to talk about, but in reality it’s basically just water-cooler fodder.

Let’s think about this for a minute.

IF (and that’s a big “if”) the Mariners do decide to bring Bedard back, they’ll do so at almost no cost to the organization. Chances are, the team will give him an incentive-laden one-year deal and little more, seeing as how the lefty won’t be able to pitch until midseason (he had shoulder surgery last year).

Of course, if the M’s choose to let him walk, there’s a good chance that NOBODY will give Bedard a shot and he’ll spend some time away from baseball. Really, when you think about it, how many teams are in the market for a fragile pitcher who won’t suit up until June or July, AND who carries around the reputation of being an aloof jerk? Few, if any.

But even in saying that, you cannot deny Bedard’s talent.

When he’s healthy, jerk or not, he has some of the best stuff in the game. A low-to-mid-90s fastball, paired alongside one of the nastiest curveballs you’ll ever see makes for a hell of an arsenal. It’s no wonder this guy was touted as one of the best up-and-comers in the game when Bill Bavasi made that fateful trade a few years back.

Anyone who has watched baseball over the years or has played the game themselves can tell you that Erik Bedard is a pitching phenom. He just can’t stay in one piece, and that’s a problem.

There are many people out there who don’t want to see Erik Bedard get another shot with Seattle for a variety of reasons. He’s a reminder of the Bavasi era, he’s a reminder of the worst trade in team history, he’s always hurt, he’s kind of a prick. And I can see that, and it makes sense.

Frankly, this guy has dicked over the Seattle fan base in so many ways.

He pulled himself out of critical ballgames, he couldn’t play through pain, he was outwardly rude to the fans and the media, and for better or worse he doesn’t seem concerned with playing baseball. From that point of view, Bedard simply isn’t worthy of another shot to impress this city.

But at the same time, you have to consider where he’s at now. If it’s not rock bottom, it’s awfully close.

Bedard is on the verge of watching his career slip away from him, without ever having signed a big free agent contract. This was supposed to be the offseason that the southpaw was raking in the dough. Instead, he’ll be lucky to earn any money in 2010.

His attitude has cost him. His body has betrayed him. And if he can’t recover physically and mentally, he’ll end up back on the farm — literally, his parents own a farm in Ontario.

The point is, it’s now or never with Bedard and even the biggest jerk in the world can see that. So why not try to capitalize on this guy’s recovery? Why not make a low-risk, high-reward offer to a guy who’s capable of being the best, but just hasn’t been able to put it all together quite yet?

There is little doubt in my mind that whether the Mariners re-sign Bedard or not, they’ll be just fine. At this point in his career, he’s not an ace, nor anywhere near it.

But if you ask me, investing in Bedard at this point in time makes a lot of sense. It’s called buying low. And right now, you can’t get any lower than Erik Bedard.

Dawg Pack Dirt: Arizona

Volume 6, Issue 17, February 3, 2010

Special to Seattle Sportsnet

The blackout was awesome and it was a huge win for the Dawgs on Saturday! Good job to the Dawg Pack for bringing it!

The Dawg Pack also managed to draw the ire of a few classless Cougar fans that learned a costly lesson: if you mess with a Dawg, you’re going to have to deal with all the others that will back us up.

This game is definitely a huge one if we want to hold onto any sort of NCAA Tournament hopes, so make sure to bring it again on Thursday.

*Editor’s note: Attention morally righteous Cougar fans. Please stop reading right now, as there are phone numbers of Arizona players posted below. We wouldn’t want you to see those and be tempted to use them to your advantage when the Wildcats come to play at the Beasley Performing Arts Center and Ballet Recital House on Saturday. Thanks for your understanding.

The Game:

-Arizona Wildcats at Washington Huskies

-Thursday, February 3, 2010 at 7:30 p.m. PST

The Team:

-Arizona is currently in first place in the Pac-10 with a record of 6-3 in conference play, and 12-9 overall.

-A few members of the team went bowling on Tuesday night. Solomon Hill, Nic Wise, Dondre Wise, and Kyryl Natyazhko played each other. Hill won with a score of 131.

The Players:

-#13 G Nic Wise (Sr.) is the leader of this team and is addicted to Twitter. I’m sure there is a lot of dirt on his Twitter feed, but I didn’t feel like reading through 4,200 Tweets.

What I got off the first page is that he has a thing for redheads and they make his heart stop. He also asked Isaiah Thomas if it was snowing up here before his flight. He seriously tweets about every four minutes. It’s ridiculous. Ask him about it during warm-ups.

- Nic was recently rolling down the road hanging out the window and yelling at everyone  ”DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?!!?”

-Nic is full of himself. He has a Facebook album devoted to all magazine covers that feature him on it.

-Nic’s about me section of his Facebook states, “I PLAY BASKETBALL FOR UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA………. NBA next year”

-Nic is a part of the “Nic Wise Fan Club” on Facebook… there’s only 109 members.

- It’s doppelganger week on Facebook if you haven’t noticed… Nic changed his profile pic to 2Pac.

-Here is a text conversation that Nic recently had with a Dawg Pack member:

Nic : idk If  I shud chill with u lol

DP: aha why

Nic: dnt trust it. i know how yall like to get dirt on players

DP: Ouch… i think you just broke my heart

Nic: lol stop

DP: ahaha its up to you!

Nic: Can I trust u

DP: I don’t know, follow your heart!

Nic: yeah I know yall did last year. not like i really care tho. Oregon does it best

Oh, and stay tuned for his phone number. We have some sources close to him and we should be receiving it shortly.

*Editor’s note: Twitter sucks.

-#1 C Kyryl Natyazhko (Fr.) goes by the nickname “K-Real” and is Ukrainian.

He can be reached at [edited for relevance]. We’ve already checked and he is very talkative so hit him up.

He has a 1/8 assist-to-turnover ratio.

His cousin, who plays for the Utah Jazz, is named Kyrylo Fesenko. Notice the difference in first names.

-#50 C Alex Jacobson (So.) can be reached via cell phone at [edited for relevance].

He’s a self-proclaimed bench-warmer and proud of it.

His official bio on Arizona’s website states that he “needs to be more aggressive at both ends.” Sounds like a ringing endorsement.

He’s shooting 7-8 from the field and 1-1 from three-point range this season. Make sure Coach Sean Miller knows this guy needs to be on the court.

-#42 F Jamelle Horne (Jr.) just posted a Facebook update asking if anyone will rub his feet. Do we have any takers in the Dawg Pack? We didn’t think so. Maybe we can encourage one of his teammates to help the poor guy out.

*Editor’s note: Gross.

He’s only shooting 51% from the charity stripe so make sure we get in his head there. Numerous nicknames can be formed from the last name “Horne” so start thinking but keep it classy.

-#23 F Derrick Williams (Fr.) gets a care package from his mom every three weeks. You can see his teammates opening it and finding out what he gets a lifetime supply of here. Make sure to ask him if he has any Mentos or beef jerky.

Also, here’s a photo of Williams in a zebra print Snuggie.

-#3 G/F Kevin Parrom (Fr.) can be reached via BBM at 20df7e4f for those with Blackberries.

He attended South Kent Prep School in Connecticut, which was also attended by Isaiah Thomas and Matthew Bryan-Amaning and coached by Raphael Chillious.

He is shooting a blistering 16% from three so let him know he needs to move closer.

-#44 F Solomon Hill (Fr.) loves to play Call of Duty and is a big fan of Japanese anime.

*Editor’s note: Nothing good ever comes from Japanese anime.

-#21 G Kyle Fogg (So.) is looking sexy in this pic.

-#20 G Dondre Wise (So.) is not nearly as good as his brother, Nic. Don’t be afraid to let him know that, either.

Additionally, Dondre has only played eight minutes this season.

Final Notes:

-Looking ahead to Saturday for a minute, ASU is coming to town, and our last few matchups with them have been TESTY. They all seem to think that we’re a team of thugs so a few Dawg Pack members suggested that we play off that. Come dressed like the biggest thug you can imagine and try to scare party boy Derek Glasser. We got called out (*Editor’s note: by the homer announcers that probably shouldn’t have jobs) on FSN during our game in Tempe, so we need to bring it for that game. Start coming up with ideas now.

-If you haven’t seen it yet. There is a little story and large picture about the Dawg Pack in the current issue (the “fan issue”) of ESPN The Magazine. Check it out!

*Editor’s note: It’s the one with Joe Mauer on the cover.

-If you’re not already doing so, follow the Dawg Pack on Twitter @UWDawgPack, join the Facebook group “Welcome to Romarville – The Dawg Pack”, and visit www.seattlesportsnet.com for daily updates, dirt, and more! Tell your friends!

GO DAWGS!

Johnny Tivao

So it’s National Letter of Intent Day, which is basically Christmas if you run a recruiting website. I don’t, so I can basically go give my dog a bath and not miss anything. He really smells bad too, it’s time.

A couple of you have asked if Seattle Sportsnet will be doing anything big for signing day. The answer is no. This is as big as it gets (that’s what HE said, heh).

The fact is, I’m not going to try and pretend I know a ton about these kids who have stars next to their name. Yes, I’ll be excited like the rest of you when Washington lands a four-star recruit or, saints alive, a five-star. But until these kids actually put on a Husky uniform and get into a game, all they are is commodities for us to scrutinize. Might as well be stock options.

Last year my favorite UW recruit was that Johnny Tivao kid, a JuCo player who was literally about as wide as he was tall. Thanks to Google, I’ve just found out that he’s listed at 5′10″, 350 pounds. That’s my kinda dude right there. To make a long story short, Tivao didn’t have the grades to get in and we were all a little let down. So let’s just wait and see on this year’s crop.

My favorite part about signing day isn’t the hat-picking or the name-signing. It’s simpler than that. It’s the excuses you hear through the coaches as to why so-and-so hasn’t got his LOI in yet.

“Uh, yeah, Joey couldn’t get his letter in just yet because he has 7:00 AM homeroom and the teacher in that class is pretty strict. But it’s coming! Don’t worry!”

“Billy’s letter will be in, folks, not to worry. He just has to wait for his mom to get back from taking his little sister to gymnastics.”

“Stephen’s letter is coming, but he has to relearn cursive first so he can sign his name. Give him like five or ten minutes.”

Yes, that’s the best part. Lest we forget that these are still kids we’re dealing with here.

Anyhow, I’m off to drag my dog to the bath now. I hope you all have a wonderful time following signing day. Be sure to check out the dynamic duo (Bob Condotta and Mason Kelley) on SeattleTimes.com with frequent updates, as well as our friends over at Dawgman.com for all the latest UW recruiting news.

Go Dawgs!

My favorite thing about this fan page is the non-capitalization of the words “put” and “in,” as if to say, hey, clearly the most important thing here is Brendan (capital “B”) Sherrer (capital “S”).

Not that that has anything to do with anything, but if you aren’t on the Brendan Sherrer bandwagon yet, now’s a good time to hop aboard.

This grassroots campaign to get the nicknameless Sherrer (suggestions, anyone?) into ballgames has accrued over 1,100 fans in just a few weeks, catapulting the otherwise anonymous walk-on into the public consciousness (or at least the consciousnesses — is that a word, I don’t know — of 1,100 people on Facebook).

The 6′9″ power forward scored his first collegiate points last Tuesday against Seattle University — a nothing-but-net 15-footer from the strong-side baseline — then followed that up with a crazy-looking bank-hook on Saturday against Washington State.

Statistically, Sherrer has become the most efficient Husky in the past two games — he’s averaging 80 PPG, extrapolated over 40 minutes — which has to make him worthy of a few extra minutes here or there, right?

Until that fateful day when Brendan Sherrer logs an entire game’s worth of PT, you have to imagine that the fans at PBSI will continue demanding that the coaching staff “put Brendan Sherrer in.”

Video of Brendan Sherrer’s first career points.

For $35, this t-shirt can be yours. Yes, that’s right. Three-five. And it’s only a t-shirt. It doesn’t do any tricks that I’m aware of.

The idea behind this shirt is amazing. Fantastic, even. You have to appreciate the passion for our gone-but-not-forgotten Sonics.

But the irony is that in spending the equivalent of 11 Wendy’s lunches on this piece of cloth that probably cost about a buck to make, you’ll be getting robbed again.

As someone who spent a number of years working for the company that is selling this shirt (rhymes with “Schmordstrom”), I can tell you that this markup is completely unrealistic and simply an issue with branding. Basically, because it’s “Schmordstrom,” people will pay this amount without thinking twice about it.

Don’t do it.

My advice: Wait for these guys (from a rival corporation) to come out with their own version of a similar-looking shirt, which they claim will only cost you $10. Having purchased their goods before, I stand by their product and wholly trust that they’ll live up to this promise.

Take advantage of an already-ravaged fan base, will you Schmordstrom? Not cool.

Apparently, losing the Rose Bowl sends your team into complete disarray.

The Oregon Duck football program continued its Lindsay Lohan-like fall with news breaking today that walk-on defensive end Matt Simms has been charged with assault on a man he thought was responsible for assaulting teammate Rob Beard. Beard, a kicker, was sent to the ICU last week when he was beaten unconscious during a campus brawl.

The 6′3″, 207-pound Simms encountered his alleged victim at a party last Saturday night. The alleged victim claims he told Simms he had nothing to do with Beard’s beating, but that didn’t stop Simms from issuing a beatdown of his own.

Police reports state that in spite of the alleged victim’s explanation, Simms punched his target, knocked him to the ground, and continued punching him on the ground. Simms was then taken into custody and charged with misdemeanor assault.

Of course, this isn’t the only noteworthy criminal act by Duck football players in the past month.

You may have also heard about LaptopGate, an investigation into possible theft by quarterback Jeremiah Masoli and receiver Garrett Embry.

The duo were linked to a pair of stolen MacBooks taken from a University of Oregon fraternity house, a rumor that has yet to gain any steam. Police have not named either Masoli nor Embry as suspects in the ongoing investigation. Evidence failed to mount against the pair when it was rumored that one burglar successfully caught the laptops thrown by the other burglar without any drops involved.

We’ll continue to follow these stories as they develop, and you can ensure that we’ll enjoy bringing you the news of Oregon’s demise as it breaks.