I have tickets to the Holiday Bowl. That’s it. No place to stay, no airfare, no ride. Just tickets for me and three of my closest friends, one of whom has already bailed on the trip due to work commitments (we’re gonna miss you, Chuck).
We took a back-door route to buying our game tickets, opting to use the Holiday Bowl’s official website for all our bowl needs, rather than waiting for the high-rollers to purchase their seats from the University of Washington athletic department. (We’re sneaky.) As a result, we were able to get seats in the fourth row of the upper bowl, as opposed to most laypeople who will be stuck in the nether reaches of Qualcomm Stadium. And having been to Qualcomm to watch a Padres game once, I can tell you that the nether reaches of that venue are basically in Tijuana.
The last time the Huskies went to a bowl game, I was a senior in high school. Back then, I was a month or so away from committing to the University of Washington. And when I say “committing,” I mean being accepted into the school. I wasn’t a college athlete or anything. I just like to say “committing” because it sounds way cooler.
From 2003 to 2009, I was a UW undergrad. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. The only people who last that long as undergrads are anomalies. It’s almost impossible to go to school fifty-percent longer than your cohorts and not get kicked out. Somehow, I managed to get a degree. It’s in a nice wooden frame, in case anyone demands proof. It’s not that I was dumb. I just didn’t care. And when you don’t care about the classes, the workload, or the material in front of you, it’s awfully hard to get out in four years.
First of all, let me just say that the number one reason I hate Subway is because of Jared. Yes, Jared.
It’s basically taboo to hate on Jared because he’s a frickin hero, or whatever. Yeah, I get it. He lost a ton of weight. He went from being morbidly obese to being only slightly overweight. And make no mistake about it. This isn’t Superman we’re looking at. Face it. If you didn’t know that Jared had previously been a behemoth, you’d see the guy and figure he was pretty average and could probably afford to hit the gym for a few more hours each week.
We’ve given Jared a pass, America. The man has been plateauing for the last decade. Ten years!!! No, he hasn’t really gained weight. But the reality is this: Subway is paying this human being hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not millions!) to be their spokesperson. And the dude has not changed much at all in the past dime.
If the Charlie Whitehurst versus Matt Hasselbeck debate has taught us anything, it’s that a pretentious jackass is the worst kind of sports fan there is.
Since that fateful day when the Seahawks gave up a third-round pick for Whitehurst, a quarterback controversy has been brewing in Seattle. And fueling that controversy are a contingent of fanatics who don’t know their elbows from their asses.
On either side of the spectrum, you have the Hasselbeck Sucks squad battling the Whitehurst Is Terrible crew. The pro-Hasselbecks believe No. 8 is God. Once upon a time, he led our team to a Superbowl, plus he’s a pretty nice dude. Hence, he can commit no fallacy. The pro-Whitehursts realize that Hasselbeck is past his prime, but more than that they believe that if Whitehurst isn’t Zeus, he might as well be Jesus (looks notwithstanding).
Fact is, they’re both wrong.
Between Facebook, Twitter, mainstream media, and the sports blogosphere, I’ve seen enough written about Hasselbeck v. Whitehurst to last a lifetime. Unfortunately for society, most of it is complete crap.
*Editor’s note: I received this well-written email in my inbox from a Husky fan who wishes to remain anonymous. It’s a good follow-up from yesterday’s column on the University of Washington’s return policy. Check it.
I never leave sporting events early, but I seriously wanted to leave after only the first quarter of the Huskies’ embarrassing, lackluster performance against Stanford. I ended up staying to the bitter, acrid end, mostly because I was surrounded by good friends and we wanted to see what Keith Price had to offer in the fourth quarter.
In no way was my staying to the end related to getting my money’s worth. From 21-0 Stanford on, there was nothing the Dawgs could do to justify my expenditures on that particular game. Read more…
You see, I purchased these tickets to a football game, but the thing is one of the teams didn’t show up. And, you know, if only one team is playing, it’s not really a game. Which is why I deserve to get my money back.
You’re probably not going to refund me, and I understand that. Customer service isn’t a strong suit for a state-run university. Or a state-run anything, for that matter. But that’s another rant for another day. We don’t need to go there.
Fact is, I was conned out of my hard-earned cash by you guys and I’d like to be made whole.
Nuckin futs and unbuckingfelievable are two of my all-time favorite sayings. You can have so much fun with those phrases without crossing any lines of decency. Like doing root beer kegstands. Woohoo.
You’re probably thinking I’m referring to the Huskies’ double-overtime victory over Oregon State with that headline up there. And I am. In part.
In actuality, the entire day from start to finish was nuckin futs, not just the nearly four hours of game play that unfolded at Husky Stadium on Saturday evening. And so, because I believe in full disclosure (or at least almost full disclosure), and because I feel it’s valuable to take you through a fan’s gameday experience, I give you this detailed account of Tailgate Saturday. All I ask up front is that you please forgive me. Apologies.
How uninspiring are the Huskies right now? Forget bad. Forget inconsistent. Forget boring. They are clearly all of those things. It’s their absolute inability to inspire that should drive you up the wall.
Coming off a 32-31 last-second victory in Southern California a week ago, I expected to be inspired on Saturday. We all did.
The Dawgs were back home facing an Arizona State squad that hadn’t won a contest in nearly a month.
The rain was pouring down, the kickoff was in prime time, and the momentum prior to the opening whistle belonged entirely to Washington. The stage was set for this team to put together back-to-back wins for the first time this season.
Look, don’t put too much stock into reading the interwebs on a day like today. Let me be straight with you. For most of the next 13 or 14 hours, I’m gonna be outside, in the rain, drinking beverages of an adult nature, enjoying life with my friends, while hoping against hope that the Huskies can beat up on Arizona State. That’s just the way it is. I wouldn’t trust an avid web surfer on a Saturday. You shouldn’t either.
I wish I could give you something more inspiring. I’ve had a very motivating week, myself. I feel like a better person thanks to the last five days. In fact, I really feel like I should be out doing something more important than tossing ping-pong balls into cups and processing liquids like a machine.
Words are not needed. The fact that most of this video is straight darkness is irrelevant. Just turn the volume up on your computer and you’re good to go.
FYI: At about the :30 mark, I proceed to hug a portly man who has removed his shirt, hence total darkness. Thought you’d like to know.
I don’t know Locker’s state of mind after a 4-for-20 passing performance against a dominant Nebraska football team on Saturday afternoon.
I don’t know how Locker is reacting as fans and media members debate his future following one miserable outing.
And I certainly don’t know how Locker feels about certain words like “hype” and “Heisman.”
But I do know two things.
One, Jake Locker is a better quarterback than he appeared to be just a few short days ago.
And two, it was wrong of the University of Washington to concern Locker with the unenviable curse of the Heisman propaganda machine when wins — yes, wins, those elusive outcomes that have been hard to come by for the Huskies as of late — were at stake.
Face it. A Heisman trophy winner typically plays for a team that records at least nine wins in a 12-game season. The Washington Huskies are a ballclub that logged all of five victories a year ago. A four-game improvement would be an absolute task, one that would require a Herculean effort from not just the quarterback, but all of his teammates as well. Is it really fair to expect that from a program that, entering 2010, had won just nine games over the entire course of Locker’s three-year playing career? That’s asking a lot from a leader who has given everything to the purple and gold since arriving on campus in 2006.
I don’t really like the word blog. It sounds like blagh. Which is the noise that vomit makes. There’s nothing appealing about that. Just sayin’.
Fun fact: I’ve considered penning an entire article entitled Just Sayin’ for the sole purpose of creating a forum in which multiple topics can be discussed in rapid-fire succession with little devotion to overwhelming context. Make sense? Yeah, I got a little uppity with that description. Let me give it to you in layman’s terms. Basically, I want to be able to write down brief opinions on numerous newsworthy bits and place them within the framework of one post. Kind of like Facebook status updates. Only more structured. And without the little red notification icon that won’t go away no matter how many times you click it.
So for lack of better things to do, let’s give it the old college try. This is my blagh, after all.
Just Sayin’ (take one)
Tyreese Breshers retired from the UW basketball team today. A few months ago, I heard someone refer to Breshers as “the next Zach Johnson,” who you may remember as the forward that spent his entire Washington career as a medical redshirt. Well guess what, everybody. Breshers turned out to be the next Zach Johnson, after all. Ain’t that a bitch.
Did you see what our local teams did over the weekend? If you live in the Seattle area and aren’t going to work in a good mood today, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. For real. No, I’m serious. FOR REAL!
It doesn’t matter if you’re a Husky or a Coug, a basketball fan or a football fan. There was something for everyone this weekend, from the Dawgs’ thrashing of Syracuse, to the Cougars’ timely (albeit unsettling) victory over Montana State, to the Storm’s last-second win in the WNBA Finals, to the Seahawks’ dismantling of the 49ers. Every one of our major sports teams gave us reason to believe over a 48-hour time frame, including the Mariners, who continued to do their best to improve their 2011 draft position by tanking down the stretch (keep fighting the bittersweet fight, M’s).
Though the feel-good juices could be found flowing all over the Emerald City, they were perhaps no more prevalent than amidst the bowels of Qwest Field on Sunday afternoon. While the Huskies, Cougars, and Storm were all projected to take home wins in their efforts, the Seahawks were viewed as a ridiculous underdog in their matchup with San Francisco. Which, in turn, made their triumph all the more impressive.
Let’s not kid ourselves, however. In spite of the fact that the Hawks ultimately routed their Bay Area foes, we weren’t feeling so sure about the boys in blue until one-fourth of the battle had passed. It took a 35-yard reception from one of the newest Seattleites, Mike Williams, to unlock the floodgates for a Seahawks ballclub that had struggled to remove themselves from life support in the contest’s opening period.
Stick a CBS Sports logo up your ass, chickenfucker. RT @SportsNation OKC should wear Sonics throwbacks! 10 hours ago
So @danceral and I were the only 2 people in the theater who realized Chrissy from "Growing Pains" is in "The Avengers." We freaked out. 11 hours ago
You can't win a title in OKC. Ugly women. Players don't want to impress the heifers. It's science. #Sonicsgate15 hours ago
If the #Thunder want to win this series, they need to play it in Seattle. The women are hotter here, hence the players will try harder. Duh. 15 hours ago
I have tickets to the Holiday Bowl. That’s it. No place to stay, no airfare, no ride. Just tickets for me and three of my closest friends, one of whom has already bailed on the trip due to work commitments (we’re gonna miss you, Chuck).
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